


To The End

by StalkerDex



Category: South Park
Genre: Affairs, Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Depression, Extramarital Affairs, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff and Smut, Gay Male Character, Love, Love Triangles, M/M, Mild Smut, Possible Character Death, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-24 06:35:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 71,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30068169
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StalkerDex/pseuds/StalkerDex
Summary: Sequel to my story "Bittersweet Bundle of Misery" (includes a summary of first story in first chapter for those who want to read this fic on its own).  Time has reset itself and the group is still dealing with their respective issues, only now they are living without the knowledge of the answers they'd once found.  As Eric and Kyle come back into town, they find themselves reunited with Stan, who was coldly discarded when Kyle didn't know how to handle his love for him.  In the meantime, Sharon Marsh finds herself restless in her marriage and starts having an affair with a man far too young.  All of these events come together in shocking and unexpected ways as Kenny has to figure out the last pieces of his curse, and the rest of the group have to sort out their increasingly dramatic situations.
Relationships: Clyde Donovan/Sharon Marsh, Eric Cartman/Stan Marsh, Kenny McCormick/Original Female Character(s), Kyle Broflovski/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 11





	1. In Your Eyes

**Author's Note:**

> The first chapter of this story is kind of written in the fashion of the show "The Affair" where the same situation is shown with multiple perspectives and impressions. I've included a summary of the first story as an end-note for those who would like to read this fic without reading the first one. Enjoy! <3

_The Night Before Arrival_

He’d lost count of how many times he’d died and returned. You would think having such an intimate relationship with death would ease the anxiety one has over its relentless pursuit, but Kenny found himself entirely saturated with worry. When would he have his next encounter? How badly would it hurt? How disoriented would he be when he returned, and just when would he come back? Sometimes he returned to the place he had been when it happened, other times he would miss days, even weeks. He was often disoriented, and his persistent confusion was taking a toll on his health and relationships. Alley was just about as understanding as they come, but he could see that she too carried his burdens. How could she not? She was going to be his wife.

He sighed, a familiar tightness lingering in his chest as he tried to relax. Alley was already fast asleep; he envied the way she could do that. He always spent far too much time laying there in that bed, staring at the ceiling fan as it carelessly whirred above him. It didn’t help the way it rhythmically squeaked, adding a particularly grating layer to his nightly apprehension. 

Another thing that wasn’t helping was the unusual heat wave they were having in South Park. The two of them had decided to move there in the wake of everything that had happened. Of course, Alley had no clue what had made him want to go home. She couldn’t remember the way Kyle had died, Eric and Stan had fallen for one another, and Kenny had desperately killed the man who’d supposedly taken his curse to try and make it right. No one did. Time had mercilessly reset itself and erased any remnants of recollection from all of their minds. It was like none of it had ever happened. He carried that burden alone.

As he restlessly laid atop his blankets feeling sorry for himself, he couldn’t help but ponder the escalating nature of his current situation. Since the incident with Joe, his deaths were occurring more frequently and increasing in their intensity. He was staying in the light place longer than he had before, and when he wasn’t there he would sometimes experience these odd bouts where time seemed to be folding in on itself. He couldn’t help but endure a pit in his stomach as he chewed on his dreadful thoughts. The light was longer. The deaths were more often. What did it mean? Would he eventually just stay there in that awful, disorienting place? Stuck in the light, neither dead nor alive, while everyone else just continued onward as though nothing had even happened? Would he really even be dead? None of it made any sense, and he found himself regularly accompanied by an increasingly urgent sense of panic as time wore on.

He let out a troubled sigh as he rolled to his side, facing his fiancée. Her face was soft and relaxed; it eased the pit in his stomach to drink in the sight of her. At least there was something to look forward to. They would be getting married at the end of the week and everyone was going to be there. Stan, Kyle, and Cartman had all agreed to be in his wedding party, despite the unresolved tension between the group. Kyle and Cartman were supposed to arrive sometime tomorrow and there was going to be a party to celebrate the upcoming nuptials. Neither Kenny nor Alley had been into the idea of a bachelor or bachelorette party. They didn’t want one last hurrah before the wedding. They only wanted each other, and a joint party suited them best.

Stan had been kind enough to plan the whole thing. It was set to be a small gathering at one of the newer, nicer bars in town. Several local bands were set to play, including the one Stan and Wendy had started up last year. He had done pretty well for himself in the wake of Kenny’s curse. His parents had helped him get into rehab and he’d been really successful at quitting the alcohol. He’d also gotten that EMT certification he’d talked about, eventually moving into a nicer apartment, too. 

Even with all of the improvements in his life, Kenny still couldn’t help but feel sorry about the things Stan couldn’t remember. He’d found hope in Cartman before time had reset itself, but with Cartman being all the way out in California with Kyle, they hadn’t had the opportunity to cross paths since. It had been quite a few years since the two of them had seen one another, and as far as Kenny knew Cartman was still dating the girl he’d met just after the reset. He couldn’t help but hope that as they finally came together for the wedding they might click, but he also knew deep down things couldn’t really change for any of them as it was. As he’d come to understand when the clock reset and everything beautiful had vanished, they would all continue to carry their respective burdens. If anything, they only seemed to be getting worse because, the way it was going, not only would Kenny always die, but he was starting to wonder if one of these days he just wouldn’t make it back.

…

_The Morning of Arrival_

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

“Uuuuunnnngggg…” Cartman whined as the piercing sound of his alarm woke him.

He had slept like shit the night before. He, Kyle and Alexis had left California early the day before, stopping several hours outside of South Park for some rest. They had planned to knock out the entire drive the day prior, but found themselves too tired to make it. They’d called Kenny to let him know they wouldn’t be there until later today, which wasn’t really a big deal. The party wasn’t set to happen until tomorrow anyway, so there was plenty of time. It wasn’t like they were going to get to visit with anyone if they’d arrived last night anyway; it would’ve been way too late.

Eric groaned again as he sat himself up and rubbed his eyes. The stupid bed was practically all springs. His back felt like he’d been in a fight.

Kyle was also stirring at the sound of Eric’s alarm from the other bed. Eric watched for a few moments as Kyle rubbed his eyes and kind of rolled around on the opposite bed. Broflovski always took a long time to get out of bed. Even though Eric had suddenly found himself no longer romantically interested in him, he still found him very endearing. He was slow in the morning, but fiery, defiant and determined once he was awake. He had a steady strength about him that Eric was continually impressed by; sometimes he found himself wishing he could be more like that. Even though he often exuded a persona of bravado, it was really just a show. He’d never actually felt that way. He wasn’t even brave enough to let himself get close to Alexis, even after nearly a year of dating. She was fun and sexy and definitely kept him on his toes, but he just couldn’t let himself open up to her. She had similar hang ups, so they worked well in that way. The only thing personal about him she really knew was that he was bisexual, and that only came out because she was, too.

“Hey…” her soft voice said groggily beside him.

He turned to look at her, reaching out and gently grasping her hand, “hey.”

“What a shitty bed,” she whined as she sat up and attempted to pop her back.

“Seriously,” he acknowledged as he stood up and started to rifle through his suitcase for some clothes.

He wanted to hurry up and get showered so they could get into town and visit for a while. He couldn’t quite put his finger on why, but he was eager to see Stan. He hadn’t really been close with him since sometime early in high school before he and Kyle fell out. He’d chosen the side of Broflovski because he’d been so desperately in love with him at the time, but now that the love had waned he felt sorry for it. What had even happened there anyway? None of them had ever talked about it before. It was just some big fucking secret event that blew up their lifetime of friendship; why had Eric participated in that so willingly without even asking what had happened? He knew it had really wrecked Stan, whatever it was, rendering him a dreadful alcoholic for many, many years. He’d heard from Kenny that he was doing better though. Apparently he’d gotten a job and quit the booze. Maybe that was it. Maybe that was why he was so intrigued. Maybe, just maybe, Stan was different now.

Eric let out a yawn as he entered the bathroom and turned on the shower, hoping it would heat quickly. He caught a glimpse of himself as he undressed, dissatisfied with his reflection. He was still heavier than he would’ve liked to have been, but he just couldn’t help himself from indulging in the junk when he felt stressed. His body was soft and round for it, but he wasn’t as heavy as he’d been as a child. He’d reached a point where his face was relatively defined, and he was at least okay with that. He looked healthy, really, and his face was more attractive than he gave himself credit for. It was enough that he’d never really had any trouble finding someone to hook up with, a pass time he’d definitely overindulged in from time to time. 

No, the problem with relationships wasn’t a physical one for him, but rather it was his stunted emotional capacity. He was kinder and more considerate than he’d been as a child, but he had a stubborn streak of selfishness, self-loathing, self-pity, and insecurity. He could also have a really biting anger that forced itself out without warning from time to time. Nothing violent, but not entirely acceptable either.

“Do you mind if I join you?” Alexis asked as she slid into the bathroom, quietly shutting the door behind her.

He smiled at her warmly, watching eagerly as she let her nightgown fall from her thin body. She still set him off just as much as she had on the day they’d first hooked up.

…

_Beep. Beep. Beep._

Kyle heard Eric groan from the other bed. If he’d had more energy, he might’ve groaned, too. He was coming down with something again. He had been ill with one thing or another just about monthly for the past year or so. He’d always been prone to falling sick, but nothing quite on this level before. He was beginning to feel like a real burden, so he was doing his best to just keep it to himself. He rolled over a bit, struggling to shake off the sleep. His throat felt like it had razor blades inside of it and his chest was so tight. He was doing his best to breathe quietly, even though he could feel a steady rattling deep in his chest. Hopefully he could medicate himself through this one. He wished desperately he could just spend the day in bed. If only he could just rest…

“What a shitty bed!” he heard Alexis whine from Eric’s bed.

Indeed. The beds were horrid and the hotel was dank. It was okay though, because he knew that soon enough he would be home. There was nothing that could help a sick young man feel quite as good as being pampered by his mother. He didn’t want to be nuisance, but he had to admit he was looking forward to seeing his family. Even though he was determined not to lie in bed sick, he would certainly enjoy not having to clean up after himself as much for the next week. Mothers and their children had a way of falling back into those patterns when they found themselves under one roof, even long after they’ve grown. He couldn’t help but smile at the thought.

He heard Alexis follow Eric into the bathroom, which definitely irked him a little. He wished they wouldn’t have sex in the shower before he had a chance to get in there. Maybe they would do it on the toilet or something, but he pretty much figured it would be in the shower. He found his heart starting to beat a little faster as he thought about it. It wasn’t where they did it that really bothered him. It was the fact that they were doing it at all. Alexis had been hanging around Eric for about a year now, which meant that she and Kyle wound up spending quite a bit of time together. She was flirtatious because she and Eric had an open relationship, and the more she was around the bolder her flirting grew. Of course, the more she flirted, the more he found his thoughts wandering to her. She was funny, gutsy, and ridiculously beautiful. Plus, she’d made it abundantly obvious she wouldn’t mind sleeping with him. Even though Kyle knew the relationship was technically open, he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. It didn’t seem right; there were just some boundaries a friend shouldn’t cross.

Alexis and Eric weren’t the only thing stressing him about this trip either. It had been so, so many years since he’d had the falling out with Stan. The thought of seeing him had him kind of a wreck, too. It had never been put out there, but he was fairly certain Stan had fallen in love with him. There had been so many times his eyes had lingered a bit too long, or he’d touched him too affectionately. He’d been too young back then to know how to just put it out in the open and address the problem, so he’d chosen instead to abandon him and stop talking to him. He’d known it was hurtful and wrong, and now that he was older he felt really terrible about it. Honestly, he wasn’t even _really_ sure Stan was gay. He’d never asked. He hadn’t even bothered to ask. Fuck. What a terrible friend he’d turned out to be.

He squeezed his eyes tightly, hovering between the pull to sleep more and the need to wake. Ultimately, he’d managed to sit himself up. He let out a few muffled coughs before gathering up what he needed to take his own shower. Hopefully they were fast. He wanted to get out of this place.

…

Alexis was sitting up in bed, her gaze fixated on Kyle. She knew that Eric’s alarm would be going off soon, but she had to just sit up and drink him in for a bit. He was charming in every way she could think of, and it drove her a little mad. Things had been growing more intense between the two of them. She’d been making a point of coming by the house before Eric got home from his night classes when Kyle was typically at the apartment by himself. He was a pretty mellow person, so they would usually just sit around and watch TV together. On more than one occasion she’d cuddled him on the couch, even daring so much as to place her hand on his leg just near enough to heat him up. She knew that her relationship with Eric was open, but she also knew that Kyle was very obviously an exception to that rule. He’d never said it, but she was very aware that Eric had been in love with him once. Unfortunately, she felt like she was falling in love with him, too.

As fun as Eric was, he had a tremendous wall built around him. The sex was good, the conversation was decent, and they both went out and did a lot of fun things together. They laughed, the fucked, and they just generally overall enjoyed each other, but it never quite managed to get any further than that. Eric never talked to her about anything that meant anything, and every time she’d tried to he’d shut it down, albeit politely. She was beginning to think he would never open up, and then low and behold there was Kyle; Kyle who was practically an open book. He was cute. He was masculine, yet kind. He shared things with her about himself that were intimate and meaningful. She felt like he trusted her in a way that Eric simply couldn’t. She trusted him, too. She’d told him things she’d never told Eric. She’d told him things she’d never told anyone.

She quietly sighed. They were practically in a relationship. It was definitely an affair of the emotional variety, but they just couldn’t seem to bring themselves to cross that physical barrier. She felt her face running hot as she imagined it; what would it be like to touch him like that? To be touched like that? Much to her frustration, even just a moment’s rumination on it lit up her entire body. She shut her eyes tightly as she snuggled back down into the blankets, wishing she had enough time to get herself off before Eric’s alarm was set to go. She didn’t, though, so she just laid there waiting and fantasizing. Eventually, she did hear the alarm go off. She pretended to be asleep for a moment and then bantered with Eric about the shitty bed before he disappeared into the bathroom.

Well, if there was one thing Eric was good for, it was this. She got herself up quietly, not wanting to bother Kyle, and brought her things into the bathroom. She asked Eric if she could join him, slipped out of her clothes, and snuck into the shower with him. She admired how handsome he was until he’d started to kiss her and touch her. She couldn’t help but close her eyes and pretend that it was Kyle.

If only it was Kyle.

…

_Late Morning, the Day of Arrival_

It had been a few months since Clyde had taken the summer job from the Marsh’s on the farm. It was okay enough, though it could be demanding in the heat. It didn’t typically get too hot in South Park, but this July had been unusually hot. It was in the upper seventies, which felt pretty damn hot when performing physical labor. He pretty much just did odd jobs around the farm; caring for the crops and doing whatever Randy asked of him. The pay was kind of substandard for the amount of work he was doing, but he had to do something while he tried to sort out his life. He had started earning a degree at the community college, originally pursuing business, but found himself having trouble keeping up. College didn’t quite feel like the right fit for him, so he was just taking a breather from it and doing work with his hands. It felt pretty good, honestly; not too much pay, but also far less pressure. He liked the lack of responsibility, which flew right in the face of the expectations of his father, eagerly taking to the minimalist life. It felt right to just lay it all down, do some honest hard work, and smoke up some weed in his downtime. He wasn’t sure if this was the path he would stay on, but for now it felt pretty damn good.

“Hey, Clyde,” Sharon’s familiar voice greeted him as she pulled up beside him.

He was out front of their house taking a breather. The warmth of the sun was permeating and he could feel a layer of sweat dampening his brown hair. He wiped his brow, smiling charismatically at Sharon. She usually went to run all of their errands; Randy hardly ever seemed to do anything.

“Hey, Mrs. Marsh. How are you?”

“Oh, how many times do I need to tell you? Call me Sharon! Mrs. Marsh makes me feel old!” she joked.

He laughed a little, looking her over. Something was different about her today. She had on a sundress, a big floppy hat, and it looked like some light makeup. Maybe false eyelashes? He couldn’t be sure. She looked young, though, considering she had to be in her early fifties.

“Sorry, sorry. How are you, Sharon?” he corrected himself.

She smiled at him warmly, carrying a large paper bag full of groceries, “It’s going.”

He nodded. He knew that things were always pretty troubled between her and Randy. He could only imagine that things must’ve gotten worse once their kids moved out. Clyde had always thought Randy was kind of a dick, although he had to admit that perception may have come from being friends with Stan. Stan definitely didn’t have a high opinion of his father, especially after he’d come out. Randy did _not_ take that well.

“Do you have any more groceries? I can help you bring them in?”

Sharon looked at him a moment too long, which made him a little uncomfortable. Did he do something wrong? However, before he could back peddle she spoke up.

“No, no. I’m okay, hon. Thanks. Well…I’d better run inside,” she insisted, her cheeks flushed as she breezed past him.

He wasn’t sure what that was all about, but he shrugged it off and went back to staring at the clouds, contemplating the course of his life before going back to work.

…

Sharon leaned over the sink, fresh out of the shower. She’d slipped on a nice sun dress, which was unusual for her. She was hoping Randy might notice her if she changed things up a bit. She didn’t normally wear makeup, but she had put on a little and was now doing her best to apply some false lashes Liane had sold her a few months back. It was making her eyes water as she fussed with them, but she managed to get them on and gently dab beneath her eyes without ruining it all.

“There,” she said quietly as she stood back and looked at herself in the mirror

Her hair was still a sandy brown, short and stylish, though it had a few stray grays here and there now. The lashes and makeup made her look pleasant and feminine, even a bit younger she was pleased to see. She smiled at herself. It wasn’t too often she felt good about how she looked anymore, especially since Randy basically never asked for sex these days. She couldn’t even remember the last time they’d done it, despite her best efforts. He just wasn’t interested. He didn’t really seem interested in anything as far as she could tell. He just kind of smoked weed and watched TV most of the time. The only time she saw him do anything was when he was telling his employees what they needed to do for their day. He used to help them, but now he just kind of let them run things for him. There was just nothing left in him anymore. Maybe he was depressed? Or maybe he was just bored. She sighed, remembering the reality of her situation. She was certain wearing a pretty dress and putting on some dumb lashes wouldn’t do much.

She shrugged to herself before going down the stairs to retrieve her purse.

“Good morning, Randy,” she offered as she walked past the couch.

“Hey,” he responded, not even bothering to look up at her.

He was fiddling with his phone and watching TV at the same time. She couldn’t help but roll her eyes as she collected her purse and headed for the grocery store. It made her so indescribably angry to be ignored the way she had been. Sure, they used to fight almost constantly, but at least she felt like he’d cared when they did that. At this point, she almost thought it might just be best to call it a day and file for divorce. Maybe he was seeing someone? The thought had definitely crossed her mind with the amount of time he spent on his phone.

Insecurities and thoughts of her failing marriage raced through her mind as she drove, shopped, and headed back home. She could barely manage to interact with anyone, entirely consumed with her problems. Her stomach ached pretty much constantly anymore. Something had to give. She parked the car and sighed to herself, noting Clyde staring up at the sky while she gathered her groceries.

He seemed like he’d grown into a pretty nice young man. She knew he wasn’t overly smart, and he seemed a little aimless, like he was trying to figure things out; she was glad he seemed content working at the farm. Randy was probably a pretty great boss in that he didn’t really give much of a shit about what his employees were doing. Clyde worked hard anyway, which she respected.

“Hey, Clyde,” she greeted him with a smile.

She swallowed a bit as she watched him wipe the sweat from his brow, shooting her a broad, handsome smile. Her stomach fluttered and her cheeks ran hot.

“Hey, Mrs. Marsh. How are you?”

She felt really flustered as she took in the sight of him. He was young, fit, and sweaty from the bizarre heat wave they were enduring. She’d taken notice of him a while back, but for some reason she was more aware of him today. Maybe it was the false lashes…

“Oh, how many times do I need to tell you? Call me Sharon! Mrs. Marsh makes me feel old!” she joked, trying to ease some of the tension she was feeling. She really wasn’t sure what else to say.

“Sorry, sorry. How are you, Sharon?” he chuckled.

She flushed a bit more, unsure if he was amused by her or finding her to be just another silly old mom. She managed another smile. How was she? Not great. Not great at all.

“It’s going.”

He nodded at her and looked around, mulling something over in that pretty little head of his. She watched him with widened eyes, drinking in the sight of him. He had moist, shiny brown hair all tussled from the heat and work. He had a snug white tee, blue jeans, and work shoes. His eyes were a pleasant shade of brown, which had caught her attention in a platonic way when he was a kid. Now she was noticing them in a somewhat different capacity.

“Do you have any more groceries? I can help you bring them in?” he asked, interrupting her thoughts.

She swallowed again and continued to stare at him. She would love to get him into the house. She would like to have him alone. She continued to feel the heat of the sun bearing down on her, the fluttering in her stomach, and the warmth in her cheeks. Fuck. This was so inappropriate.

“No, no. I’m okay, hon. Thanks. Well, I’d better run inside,” she stammered, quickly walking away from him.

She had to go inside and cool down.

…

_Morning of Arrival_

Stan had awoken hours before his alarm went off. Insomnia again. Back in the day he would just drink himself to sleep and wake up in the afternoon. He had to admit, life without drinking was better overall, but he was still horribly depressed. He had come out to his parents last year and his mom had been really supportive. His dad, of course, had checked out sometime after they’d gotten the farm, but he’d really spiraled after he learned the truth about who he was. Maybe he’d been seeking his father’s approval when he’d entered rehab and quit drinking. It had without a doubt been the hardest thing he’d ever done in his life, yet Randy still virtually ignored it. He continued to take no notice of anything Stan did as time went on, showing zero interest when he’d gotten his certification and became an EMT. He didn’t help out when Stan had saved enough money to get a nicer apartment in a better part of town. Quite frankly, they hadn’t had a real conversation since; just grunts, hellos, and goodbyes here and there. It hurt. It hurt really fucking badly.

Stan shook his head as he thought about his father, a deep disappointment hanging in his chest. He was antsy and anxious, so he decided to grab a cigarette and walked out onto the balcony. His apartment was on the second floor and it faced the sunrise in the early mornings. The faintest hues of orange and pink were starting to peek out from behind the mountains. He lit his cigarette and puffed on it casually as he thought, trying to settle down as he sat in the rickety old chair he’d picked up at a yard sale. He propped his feet up on the railing of the balcony and watched listlessly as the sun meandered out. 

Christ. It was so hard to settle down when he knew the guys were on their way into town. For all he knew, they were already there. He hadn’t seen Kyle or Cartman in many, many years. He had gone out of his way to avoid them whenever they would come home to visit their families. Part of him was a little agitated that they’d gone and moved away together. Some of it was jealousy over their drives to pursue degrees, some of it was the left over pain of the way Kyle had chosen to discard him; it definitely didn’t help that Eric chose to follow. He also found himself envious of the regular, mundane nature of their lives. They were doing everything right; going to college, earning good grades, visiting their families, and getting steady girlfriends. At least, he’d heard Cartman had one. 

They were just doing it all so well and Stan was such a goddamn mess. He’d nearly drank himself to death on more than one occasion, dicked around at his VST job for entirely too long, and to top it off he knew that he’d shattered something between his parents when he’d told them he was gay. He knew they’d wanted different for him, and likely themselves. They’d wanted him to get married and give them grandbabies and do all of those prescribed things. Of course, this day and age he _could_ do those things. He could marry. He could adopt. People were, overall, a lot more tolerant than they’d been in prior generations. But still, there could be a stigma; especially in a rural town like South Park.

He had been relieved, nonetheless, to find that people were generally very kind to him when he’d fully come out. At first it had just been his mom, then his dad, and then the information worked its way through the family, eventually spreading out into the community. He really let it all out there when he’d briefly dated a coworker. The relationship didn’t last, but it did at least get him out to the wider community, and no one had done or said anything less than kind to him. He was grateful for it. He knew it could’ve been a lot harder than it had shaped up to be. Still, even though the community knew, and he was pretty sure Kyle knew, he wasn’t so sure if Cartman did.

He felt his stomach flutter a bit at the thought. Fucking Eric Cartman. He could be so cruel when he really wanted to be. Sure, by the time they’d moved away he seemed to have grown into less of an asshole, but Stan was well aware of his very real mean streak, particularly when he felt uncomfortable. He worried that Cartman would rip on him, or just genuinely be put off by it. He wasn’t sure why this thought irked him so much. After all, Kyle had been the one he’d had a falling out with; shouldn’t he have been more worried about him? Cartman should’ve been the least of his worries. Yet, suddenly, out of the blue sometime last year he’d found Cartman on his mind. He’d thought about reaching out to him more times than he could count. He’d even gone so far as to type his number into his phone once, though he’d reconsidered. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but for some reason Eric Cartman was occupying an awful lot of his headspace, especially as the time to see them drew nearer.

He sighed heavily before putting his cigarette out on an old, clear ashtray atop the squeaky TV tray he used for an outside table. If anything, this would be an interesting day.


	2. Incomplete

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle tells Cartman and Alexis why he and Stan had a falling out.  
> Stan struggles with his anxieties over seeing his friends and an increasingly physical relationship with Wendy.  
> Alexis struggles to understand what Cartman wants.  
> Clyde tests the waters with Sharon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kind of essential for setting up the rest of the story. It's a little long and in depth, but worth the read. The story really picks up a lot in the next chapter :) I hope you enjoy!! Thanks for reading.

Eric found himself rather anxious as they neared South Park. He was going to drop off Kyle first and then he and Alexis were going to stay with his mom. She was still a wreck of a human being as far as he could tell, but she meant well. She loved him more than anything and he knew that, despite all of her shortcomings. Somewhere along the way, he’d learned to simply appreciate her for who she was. Though he was uncertain what the state of things might be when he got there, he wasn’t especially nervous about seeing her. Instead, he found his stomach aching every time he thought about seeing Stan. From what he’d gathered, he wouldn’t actually be seeing him until they met up in the evening for the wedding party. He wished he could just get it over with so the horrible pit in his stomach was ease. He couldn’t figure it out. Why the hell was he so nervous about it? Since when did he give a shit about Stan fucking Marsh?

“So…Kyle…” Eric began, glancing over at his red-headed friend, “…what happened with you and Stan, anyway? What are we all walking into here?”

Alexis perked up in the back seat. She’d heard both of them talk about this Stan person here and there. She’d gathered he’d been a close friend for a sizeable chunk of their lives, but much like Eric, she had no idea what had happened to end it.

“I don’t really know. Nothing specific, I guess. I just…” he hesitated, scratching at the back of his head.

Eric waited for a moment before nudging Kyle along, “You guys were best fucking friends. Me and Kenny were always just kind of there, hanging around you two morons. What do you mean you don’t know? You didn’t have a fight or something?”

Kyle looked a little nervous, especially once he glanced back and noticed Alexis was paying attention.

“Uh…this is going to sound _really_ shitty, but you have to remember, we were kids at the time. I didn’t really know what to do about it.”

“Okay…” Eric drug it out, growing a little aggravated. Alexis leaned forward some more.

Kyle shifted, “I think he had a thing for me. Like, you know, I think he was in love with me or something. He never really said as much, but…you know, he was just starting to get really, um, affectionate…and I didn’t know how to handle it so I just quit hanging out with him.”

Eric’s stomach continued to ache as he processed this new information. Kyle stammered on.

“Also, I mean, the drinking. He was already starting to drink a lot back then. It just got to be more than I could handle at the time. I feel really bad about it now. I don’t care if he’s gay. It’s just that I’m not, and I didn’t know how to bring it up or fix it back then.”

Eric shrugged, “I don’t know, Kyle. So, he got a little drunk and handsy…that doesn’t necessarily mean anything.”

“I know. You’d have to have been there. I could just tell. I knew him better than anyone.”

Alexis watched as a silence settled between the two of them. She could only imagine what Eric must’ve been thinking; Kyle had never known Eric had loved him. Knowing this information about Stan must’ve hurt.

“Well, Kyle…that is pretty fucked up. I guess I can’t say much, though, because I iced him out like it was nothing and I didn’t have any reason other than I felt like I had to pick a side. This is going to be so goddamn awkward,” Eric said flatly, staring out at the road ahead of them.

Kyle simply dropped his eyes to his lap. Alexis settled back into her seat, also feeling pretty apprehensive as they approached town. She wasn’t sure why she had agreed to come to this whole thing in the first place. She had no idea what it meant, if anything at all. Did it matter that she was about to meet Eric’s mother? Had Eric thought about that when he’d invited her to come? She had to admit, even though she had feelings for Kyle, she still was holding out some hope that Eric might be willing to just go all in on the relationship with her. She cared about him; she really did. Honestly, it was all very confusing. She had no idea where the hell she stood with Eric. There was nothing she wanted less in this world than to hurt him, but she needed some real answers about the state of things. If he could love her, she knew in her heart she could love him back. She also knew she could love Kyle, too. How could she feel this way about two people at once? Was she broken?

“We’re almost there,” Kyle offered, glancing in the back at Alexis.

She smiled sweetly at him, which made his face run hot as he returned his gaze to his lap. She was so beautiful and kind. The way she made his heart skip a beat always left him feeling so guilty, though. Should he be feeling guilty? Sure, he was obviously attracted to her and, yeah, they spent a lot of time together, but there wasn’t _really_ anything going on. What was the harm? He leaned his elbow against the window as he thought about it. He knew he was conjuring up ridiculously thin justifications for the truth of it. He knew what he was wrapped up in was wrong. He also knew that it was only a matter of time before things escalated. There had already been countless times where he’d nearly lost his restraint, so tempted was he to have his way with her. It had taken every ounce of self-control he had not to touch her on multiple occasions. Even so, without the touching and the kissing and the sex, just the level they’d gone to emotionally was beyond what was right. He knew deep down they were already having an affair, he just couldn’t bring himself to face it. Not yet. Not now.

The rest of the ride into town felt like an eternity for all three of them as they ruminated in their problems, though it had actually been just about a half an hour or so before they found themselves at the Broflovski house. Kyle gathered up his suitcase and said his goodbyes to Eric and Alexis. He hated to leave her behind, but there was simply no reason not to. Everyone had come out of their heads enough to say proper goodbyes and they arranged a pickup time to get to the party later. Kyle smiled as best he could, but he was feeling sick and kind of down. He waved as Eric backed out of his driveway and left him to go inside to see his family. Before he could even turn around, he heard his mother’s excited voice from behind him.

“Kyle! Oh, I’m so happy you’re here!” she cried out as she ran up to him and gave him a long, tight hug.

He couldn’t help but smile. It felt good to see her. As she squeezed him he found himself unable to hold in the horrid cough that had been settled in his chest, erupting into a fit that lasted a little too long for his mother to be comfortable with. Fuck. He was so goddamn tired of feeling sick. When would this string of illnesses end?

“How long have you had that cough, kyle?” Sheila asked, her voice full of concern.

“Not long, Mom. Don’t worry,” he assured her, offering her a smile and putting his arm around her shoulders.

“Well, I’ll fix you up something hot to drink. Come on, let’s get inside,” she insisted as they walked toward the house.

After he enjoyed a hot cup of coffee and visited with his family for a while, he went to his room to have a nap before the party, hoping some rest would do the trick.

…

Once Kyle was dropped off, Eric headed toward his own house. He didn’t live far, but the entire ride was silent. He hadn’t noticed so much earlier when his mind was so fixated on Stan, but now that he was alone with Alexis he felt a little frustrated that neither of them seemed to be able to find any words. He wasn’t entirely certain what he’d been thinking when he’d asked her to come to the wedding. Sure, it made logical sense because she’d been his girlfriend for so long, but he hadn’t really considered the fact that it meant she would meet his mom and all of his childhood friends. Was she going to think this meant they were serious? _Were_ they serious? He couldn’t be sure.

Once he pulled into his driveway, he shut off the car and sighed before giving her a sincere look.

“Listen…here’s the thing…”

Alexis could hear the strain in his voice, so she gave him her full attention. She could tell he was about to level with her on something, which was rare.

“…My mom…she’s kind of a junkie. She drinks a lot and she does drugs. I don’t know what she’s up to now, but that’s the gist of it. She’s always got a revolving door of loser boyfriends and sometimes I think she, you know, prostitutes herself. It’s a mess and I honestly don’t know what the situation is going to be when we get in there. I just figured I should warn you before we go in.”

Alexis nodded, surprised at his candor. Okay, so he had a fucked up mom. That made sense.

“It’s okay. My dad’s an alcoholic. I understand,” she offered, feeling like she should give up something in return.

Eric nodded, relief visible on his face. She could tell he was very worried about what they were about to walk into.

“Well, here goes nothing,” he sighed before getting out of the car.

He grabbed both of their suitcases while Alexis grabbed her bag of toiletries and headed for the front door. Eric had a key for the house. He reached for it, but hesitated before putting it into the lock. Alexis watched curiously as he stuffed his keys back into his pocket and rang the doorbell. She swallowed hard as she realized this had the potential to really go sideways. It was only a moment before his mother was at the door. She had brown hair just about the same shade as Eric’s, with some gray woven in. She dressed fairly conservatively and had a warm, seemingly lucid smile on her face as she greeted them.

“Hello, Poopsies!” she said happily, throwing her arms around Eric’s neck.

Alexis smiled as she heard Eric let out a relieved laugh, watching quietly as they greeted one another.

“Hey, mom,” he said as he planted a brief kiss on her cheek.

They pulled apart from each other as his mom placed her hands on his shoulders and took in the sight of him. Alexis could see how obvious the love in her eyes was as she surveyed the condition of her handsome son. Eric quickly grew uncomfortable under her gaze and shifted his attention toward Alexis, gently stepping away from his mother and pulling Alexis in by the waist to introduce her.

“This is Alexis. We’ve been seeing each other for a while. Alexis, this is my mom, Liane.”

“It’s good to meet you, Liane,” she said nervously as Liane pulled her in for a warm, friendly hug.

“You are so beautiful!” she exclaimed, smiling at Eric and reaching for his hand, “I’m so happy to meet you.”

Eric looked nervously between the two of them. So far, so good. For the briefest moment, Eric actually felt like maybe this hadn’t been such a bad idea after all. He was further relieved when they entered the house and it looked clean. There wasn’t even a weird dude sitting on the couch. It smelled good and it was bright.

“Wow, mom. It looks good in here,” Eric mused as he took off his jacket and hung it up on a large coat rack near the door. Alexis did the same, quietly taking in the house that Eric had grown up in.

It was small and cute, homey and warm. Although, she’d gathered it hadn’t always felt that way when he was a child.

“Oh, thanks, hon. I’ve been making an effort to keep it a little nicer around here,” she sounded sort of nervous about it.

“It looks great,” Eric offered, smiling awkwardly at her.

Liane stared at him lovingly for a moment before clapping her hands together, “well, you two are probably tired and hungry! Why don’t you go and get settled while I cook something up?”

Eric had jumped a little when she’d clapped, which made Alexis chuckle. He blinked quizzically as Liane disappeared into the kitchen, leaving him alone with Alexis.

“Well, alright then…” he said as he shook his head with an amused look on his face. Alexis smiled and followed him up the stairs to his childhood bedroom.

Eric went straight to getting their suitcases arranged in the closet while Alexis quietly looked around. There was an old, torn Mel Gibson poster on the wall, a computer, and a few old toys laying around. She found herself wondering if he’d ever spent much time in his room as a teenager, because it kind of looked like a little boy’s room frozen in time.

“So, uh, no posters of women in bikinis, huh?” she teased, grinning at Eric.

“Huh?” he turned around and looked at her questioningly before realizing she was trying to figure him out, “oh, uh, no. I guess I never really bothered to do much with it. I didn’t spend much time at home in high school.”

Alexis nodded. She wondered if that was because of the things he’d just told her about his mom, but she wasn’t going to pry. He seemed just as wound up and locked down as always; so, very guarded.

“Your mom seems nice,” she offered, clasping her hands together and smiling awkwardly. God, she just never knew what to say to him anymore.

Eric shifted uncomfortably. He knew Alexis was trying to connect with him. He also knew she was trying to understand if bringing her here meant anything. He honestly wasn’t sure. As he looked her over he considered just pulling her close, kissing her, reassuring her that this was indeed going somewhere. He wanted to be able to sit down with her and tell her that, yes, his mom was nice, but she was also more complicated than that. He wanted to tell her about how he’d been horribly neglected as a child, left to lean into his rage and hatred. Because of his utter lack of parental guidance, he’d teetered on the precipice of becoming a real monster. In high school he’d experimented with drugs, alcohol, and had entirely too much sex. The only thing that had really pulled him back from the edge was his friendship with, or more accurately his love for, Kyle. Kyle saw him going down that destructive path and coaxed him off of it. It hadn’t been easy, and Eric had resisted every step of the way, but it had happened. Eventually, at the end of it all, Eric had gotten his shit together and moved out to California with Kyle to go to college.

He had to admit, it was kind of strange the way his borderline obsessive love for Kyle had just dissipated seemingly overnight. He also had to admit that, as much as it irked him, he could see that Alexis and Kyle had something going on. He’d first started noticing their fondness for each other a couple of months ago, and it had initially enraged him. He wasn’t so mad about Alexis as he was about Kyle. He felt a deep sense of betrayal in the friendship. A schism of sorts had definitely occurred, but as time went onward it bothered him less. It still troubled him, but also what right did he have to be so upset? He didn’t love Alexis. He wanted to, but he didn’t. He couldn’t. Love itself was just too frightening. It had burned him too badly in the past; the love he’d never had from his absent father, his troubled mother, and Kyle. It had all just hurt so goddamn bad, he’d learned it was easier to keep people at an arm’s length. Kyle was the closest thing he had to love in the sense that they were now very close friends, but even that had to be kept somewhat light. He’d forgive Kyle for whatever happened with Alexis. He’d forgive her, too. After all, why shouldn’t they both have someone with the capacity to love?

Eric realized Alexis had been uncomfortably scanning the room while he mulled over the compliment about his mom. He knew he should say something to make her feel better, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. Instead, he just took her hand and led her down the stairs. He figured he would let her and his mom do the talking.

…

Stan was milling about his apartment, shoving decorations into boxes beside his guitar and gear. He’d be heading over to the bar soon to get the place set up, and Wendy had come by to help him load things into his car. The two of them had started a shitty punk band earlier in the year that had actually progressed into something pretty decent as time went on. It worked well because the two of them remained very good friends after their high school break up. Admittedly, things had grown a little complicated between the two of them in the last several months, though. 

They had this gimmick when they were on stage where they’d flirt and put on a front like they were a thing. The crowd liked it; their chemistry on stage was palpable, for sure. That situation had escalated to the point that they’d end each show with a pretty obnoxious kiss, which had all been well and good. But then, one night, when Stan had been having a particularly shitty day and their show hadn’t gone so well, she’d come back to his apartment with him and things got kind of physical. He honestly couldn’t quite remember who had started it, but it kept marching forward nonetheless. 

That night it had just been making out. It stayed that way for a really long time, but lately it seemed like she wanted more than that. It made him nervous. The make-out sessions were one thing, but one night a few weeks back she’d tried to go down on him. He’d stopped her, and found himself appeasing her by just getting her off. He could handle that for now, but he’d really just prefer to kiss; the comfort of another human being he trusted felt good. He’d told her multiple times that this thing was just two friends getting through a very long dry spell. It was becoming more and more obvious, however, that she thought he was bisexual or something. He could tell she was holding out hope. He knew he needed to stop things before they escalated further, but he was just so worried he’d lose her if he stopped it. She was his best friend in the whole world. She was the only person who stuck by him after the guys ditched him; she’d stayed by his side through the darkest periods of his alcoholism. She’d been there for him in a way that no one else had been. The thought of ruining that panicked him. He shouldn’t have ever let her kiss him. It felt like there was no way out and it added a significant pile of misery on top of his already relentless depression.

“Are you okay?” she asked, walking up beside him and placing her hand on his shoulder.

The two of them were always touching like that.

“Yeah…just a little nervous. I have no goddamn clue what I’m going to say to those guys when I see them. I know I have to make nice for Kenny, but I’m still just…I don’t know. I’m still pretty salty about it.”

“Fair enough. I would be, too,” she mused as she and Stan both picked up some boxes and headed out to his car.

They went back and forth loading it up with decorations and his gear before going back inside so she could grab her purse and keys. She clutched them in her hand, looking him over uncertainly. He noticed, his blue eyes landing on her as he waited for her to say whatever it was she had to.

“Are you going to say anything to Kyle about what he did?” she finally asked.

He shrugged, “I don’t know. I don’t know that it matters. I don’t love him anymore, anyway.”

Wendy swallowed. She wasn’t sure how true that could really be. After all, here she was all of these years after she and Stan had ended and she was hung up on him all over again. She still loved him. She wasn’t sure she would ever stop loving him.

“Well, for what it’s worth, it might serve you well to tell him how fucked up he left you. It wasn’t right.”

Stan nodded, averting his eyes to the ground and biting his lip.

“Thanks, Wendy. I’ll keep that in mind.”

…

Sharon was energetically cooking up some breakfast, finding herself in a cheerful mood since Randy was out of the house. She was all dressed up again, playing some music loud and dancing about as she finished up her bacon and eggs. She’d put on those silly eyelashes again. She couldn’t help herself. They just made her feel good. She carried on, humming to herself as she set her plate down, when there was an unexpected knock at the door. She quickly ran up to her stereo and turned the music down before answering the door.

“Oh, hi Clyde. What’s going on?” she asked, her heart rate immediately increasing.

“Sorry to bother you, Sharon. I’ve been outback finding some things to do, but I never really heard from Randy what he wanted today. Is he here?”

“Oh, uh, no. He was gone when I woke up this morning. I think he mentioned something about meeting up with some other growers or something. I’m not really sure. Do you want to come in for some coffee? I just made some bacon, too. You can probably just work on whatever you can find and take the rest of the day off.”

“Yeah, alright, sure,” he responded as he stepped into the house, flashing that charming smile of his at her.

Sharon strode into the kitchen awkwardly, her hands stiff at her sides in a way that Clyde couldn’t help but notice. What was she so flustered about? He had himself a seat at the kitchen table, watching quietly as she grabbed a coffee cup and filled it.

“Do you want any cream or sugar?”

“No, thanks. I’m fine,” he said gratefully as he took the cup.

She whipped her body around and quickly tossed a few slices of bacon onto a plate and set it before him. He thanked her again before sipping his coffee and picking up a slice to eat.

“I’m sorry Randy took off without giving you anything to do,” she apologized as she settled into her seat. 

Clyde wasn’t surprised at Randy’s carelessness. He didn’t seem especially considerate of other people to him.

“It’s cool. Don’t worry about it. I can find something to do. Not sure I can fill the whole day, though, so thanks for letting me off the hook early.”

Sharon nodded at him before having a sip of her coffee. Clyde had been living out in one of their old converted barns. It was actually pretty nice back there. The thought of him living so close sometimes made her stomach light. She’d definitely tossed around the idea of going out there and talking with him, just to ease her loneliness. He was personable enough. Better heads had always prevailed, though. It would be inappropriate. He was an adult, but so, so young. Why would he want to hang out with an old mom like her?

“Are you going to the wedding party night?” Sharon asked, a little desperate for conversation.

“Uh, yeah. Yeah, they invited me. Sounds like it’s going to be fun. Stan’s band is pretty good…I’m sure you know that, but they are. So that’s cool.”

“Yeah, they are pretty good. I don’t like that whole thing with the kissing he and Wendy are doing at the end. I’ve told him so. Oh, well. There’s not much I can do about it. He’s an adult, he can make his own choices.”

Clyde raised his eyebrows, a look of amusement on his face, “It’s a gimmick. I’m sure it’s fine.”

Sharon ran her finger along the edge of her coffee cup. She knew it was a gimmick, but she also remembered how smitten Wendy had been with Stan when they were dating. It was a dangerous game he was playing there. She let out a sigh, her nerves still racing. Being alone in the house with Clyde was a considerable event for her. She’d imagined the scenario on more than one occasion, and it was definitely not innocent. Christ. What was wrong with her?

“So, uh…” she kind of started, but she abruptly shut her mouth. She had no goddamn clue what to say.

Clyde offered her a warm smile before speaking in a playful tone, “what’s up, Sharon?”

She laughed a bit, her cheeks reddening, “um, I really don’t know. Nothing…?”

Clyde took a sip of his coffee and looked at her. His face was so handsome and friendly.

“If you have things you need to get done I can head out. I’m sure I can find something to do before it gets blazing hot out there.”

“No, no. You don’t have to. I’m fine. You can finish your coffee,” she insisted, though she stood herself up and looked around for something to do. 

She had to get away from that table. It was too much.

Clyde nodded, looking her over. He had noticed her growing more and more disconcerted around him as he’d been working there. He wasn’t sure if she was just ditsy or what. The thought _had_ crossed his mind that maybe she was, you know, one of those desperate house wives in need of some attention. If that was the case, he was one hundred percent into it. She was really beautiful for her age, and also very kind. He always remembered her as someone with a big heart, and he’d always felt kind of sorry for her that she’d been married to that asshole Randy. He’d really seen up close how sad their marriage had become since he’d started working there. Randy was never around, and he when he was he seemed entirely consumed with himself. 

Maybe he should go for it? The only thing was, if it backfired and she didn’t have the hots for him, then he may have to start at square one job wise. It was dicey, but he found himself wanting to kind of test the waters.

“Sharon,” he started, getting her attention.

She’d been fiddling with the dishes in the sink, but she turned off the faucet and looked at him with those big, hazel eyes.

“What is it?” she asked, a little shakiness in her voice.

Clyde stood from the table and walked up beside her, leaning against the counter and looking her in the eye as he spoke, “are you alright? You seem like you’re a little lonely?”

Sharon felt her stomach drop. He was so close to her, asking such an intimate question. What was he doing?

“What? Oh, well…no, uh, well, maybe a little. Just a little bit. I mean, Randy is busy a lot…haha…uh, yes. Yes. I’m a little lonely,” she stammered, crossing her arms and averting her eyes.

Christ her face was burning up.

Clyde nodded, looking her over. He could tell she was brutally uncomfortable, so he decided to be brief.

“Well, if you ever need some company you’re welcome to come and hang out with me. You know where I live,” he smiled at her, pushing away from the counter.

“Oh, uh, well…okay. Thanks. I’ll, uh, I’ll keep that in mind,” she offered, watching intently as he stood before her.

His eyes were fixated on her and she could feel her heart beating wildly in her chest; she couldn’t look away.

“Alright. Well, I guess I’ll go and get to work then. Thanks for the hospitality, Sharon. I hope I see you around,” he offered politely, stepping away from her to push his chair in and head out of the house.

Once she heard the door close behind him a massive breath escaped her lips. She hadn’t realized she’d been holding it. Her stomach ached horribly and her heart was racing. Did he just invite her to have an affair? Or was he just being nice in a naïve sort of way? She wasn’t so sure she should go out to that barn to find out.

And yet…

…

Kyle laid in his bed with the shades drawn so that it was dark enough for him to sleep. He was coughing a lot, much to his distaste. Hopefully some sleep would help him shake this thing. He glanced at his digital clock on the nightstand, noting that the time was near 3 pm. If only he could just sleep this sickness away…

…

The time was 3 pm and Kenny knew that his friends were in town. He was getting pretty excited for the wedding party that night. He hadn’t seen Kyle and Cartman in so damn long, it was going to be good to see them. He was also really happy about the fact that Cartman and Stan would be together again. He wondered if they would know somewhere deep down what they could be for each other. He hoped so. He wanted more than anything to see their troubles solved.

Even though Stan was better, he knew he was still what he would describe as utterly hopeless. He was prone to depressive episodes and bouts of despair. He was definitely an emotional train wreck, and he knew that if he could just find his way to Cartman that would get better. 

He could also see that Cartman was still resisting love. He knew all about Alexis, and he had heard from Kyle about how their relationship had entirely stalled out. He also got the sense that Kyle and Alexis may have had a thing going on, but he’d decided not to ask about that. 

As for Kyle, he’d heard from Cartman about his constant revolving door of illnesses. He wanted to ask Kyle more about it. It almost seemed like Kyle was sick as often as Kenny was dying. Both of these instances seemed to be increasing, and he wanted more details about timing. Was there a correlation?

“What’s on your mind, babe?” Alley asked.

“Just getting excited to see my friends, that’s all. I can’t wait for you to meet Kyle and Cartman.”

Alley smiled that sweet smile of hers, “I can’t wait to meet them either.”

The two of them were eating a late lunch at a small café in the downtown area. The weather was warm enough for them to sit outside and leisurely sip mimosas and enjoy each other’s company. He had to admit, it was pretty nice. South Park had its charms.

Just as Kenny was getting caught up in soaking up the rays and taking in the view of his pretty bride-to-be, a sound caught his attention. It felt like slow motion as he turned his attention toward it, an out of control truck barreling toward them. He heard Alley scream as he shoved her out of the way.

Here we go again, he thought, as the truck plowed into him. The pain seared all throughout his body as he felt the familiar sensation of his life draining away. He slipped into the light place yet again, hoping that this time he wasn’t gone too long.


	3. Could I Be Your Memory?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle, Stan and Eric come face to face at the bar for the first time in years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo...this chapter was originally like 30 pages, and it is my absolute favorite, but it needs to be broken up. So, here's the first part of what was originally a whopping 30 page chapter 3 - the night of the wedding party is full of lovely angst & drama as it unfolds! Hahaha. I hope you all love it as much as I do. This story has been one of my favorites to write. I think Stan/Cartman are just, like, the best thing ever even though they are a totally underrated pairing. Thanks for the kudos y'all.

Kyle awoke to the sound of his phone alarm. It was five o’clock; time to get ready for the wedding party. He laid there for a moment, blinking and becoming aware of his body. How did he feel? He couldn’t be sure just yet. Once his eyes had adjusted and the fog in his head started to clear, he sat himself up and stretched. Holy shit. He felt, like, one thousand percent better! 

He smiled and let out a light groan as he stretched himself some more, so glad that he’d decided to take a nap. Maybe it was the traveling that had bogged him down. Whatever it was, he was grateful to be feeling good for the evening; at least physically.

He slid out of bed, suddenly aware that he needed to get ready quick. Eric and Alexis would be coming by soon to get him and take him to the bar. Stan should already be there getting things set up, which left him feeling a little uneasy. He probably should’ve considered going over there early to try and talk a little before other people got there. He was really hoping to mend fences tonight.

He pushed those unsettling thoughts of what might happen when he and Stan were finally face to face down, rummaging through his things and picking out some clothes for the evening. He’d brought along a nice blue button up and some black jeans for the occasion. He quickly dressed and then went into the bathroom to brush his teeth and throw on some cologne. He didn’t have to fuss with his hair because he’d been keeping it cut really short these days; he’d gotten tired of trying to tame his curls over the years. Plus, Alexis seemed to like it, so there was that.

He looked himself over really quick. He’d be lying if he didn’t admit Alexis was on his mind. He was kind of excited to see where the night took them, honestly. They were going to be at a bar, having drinks, listening to live music, and catching up with all of his old friends. Maybe he could even steal some moments alone with her and see where it went. Although, he knew it couldn’t go far. He had to talk to her and find out just where things stood between her and Eric. He knew she was worried about meeting Liane, which Kyle had to admit would be a big step in a relationship under normal circumstances. Of course, Eric Cartman was far from normal. Kyle assumed he’d invited her more out of practicality than anything else. Still, he wasn’t entirely sure and he wanted to find out how it had gone meeting his mother.

…

“Alright, alright, Mom. We’ve gotta go! We’ll be back late, okay? Don’t worry about us. We’ll see you tomorrow,” Eric assured Liane as he attempted to get Alexis and himself out the door.

Liane was being very sweet and motherly, and she obviously didn’t want them to leave so soon. She could be exceptionally needy at times, which Eric found endlessly annoying. That was how she’d been in his childhood, too. For the longest periods of time she’d be checked out, doing drugs and chasing tail. Then, out of nowhere, she would be the goddamn neediest woman on the planet, wanting to be Eric’s best friend. He didn’t let it bother him so much now that he was an adult, but it could be a pain in the ass at times like these when he was just trying to get out the goddamn door.

“Okay, Eric. I know. Alright, well, I love you! You kids have fun tonight! Tell Kenny and his fiancée I said congratulations!”

Eric nodded at her and grabbed Alexis’ hand, dragging her out to the driveway as quickly as possible. Alexis stumbled and waved awkwardly, “Goodbye, Liane! We’ll see you tomorrow!”

Eric opened the passenger door and ushered her inside of the car before running around and hopping into the driver’s seat. He shut the door and they both waved at Liane one more time before he peeled out of the driveway.

“Jesus Christ…” Eric muttered to himself as they sped away from the house.

Alexis laughed and it kind of lightened Eric’s mood. He grinned at her and looked her over. He had been so preoccupied with getting out of the house that he hadn’t really taken in the sight of her. She was a real vision all dressed up. She had on a white, wrap-around dress, which was cutesy and flattering and sexy all at once. Her brown hair was curled and falling atop her shoulders, and she had some light makeup on with just a hint of red on her lips. She smelled pretty nice, too.

“You look good,” he offered.

“Thanks, you do, too.”

Eric briefly smiled at her, acknowledging the compliment without really thanking her. It didn’t bother her. It came off as arrogance, but she knew it wasn’t. He was insecure and probably didn’t feel comfortable saying anything about the praise; she knew him well enough to know his bravado was all show. He did look good, though. He had a snug, gray, long-sleeved shirt on and dark blue jeans. He also put on some nice shoes and she was pretty sure she smelled some cologne. He’d even thrown some product into his hair so that it was a little fluffed up, which opened up his handsome face. She couldn’t help but wonder for a moment if he was dressed up for someone else. She couldn’t imagine who, but maybe there was an old girlfriend or someone he expected to run into tonight? She had no reason to think such a thing, other than just her gut instinct. He didn’t usually bother to dress nice, even if the occasion warranted it.

She pushed the feeling down as they pulled into Kyle’s driveway. He was already waiting outside and she felt her stomach fluttering as he approached. He was dressed up pretty nice, too, and once he got into the car she drank in the pleasant smell of him.

“Jesus, did you throw the whole bottle on?” Eric complained as they backed out of the driveway.

“I think that’s you, asshole,” Kyle retorted.

Alexis smirked. Those two never missed a beat with each other. A pang of guilt hit her at the thought. She really shouldn’t be screwing around between the two of them. They were such good friends. An affair with Kyle would most certainly harm that. She shifted uncomfortably as she mulled it over. She couldn’t help thinking that tonight might be her chance to get a little closer to Kyle, though. There would be drinking and plenty of distraction. It was entirely possible something could happen. She both hoped for and dreaded the idea.

She still honestly had no clue what meeting Liane had meant for Eric, although she had a sneaking suspicion it didn’t mean squat. He’d hardly even talked the entire time they were there, mostly just leaving it to her and Liane. He didn’t even seem all that excited to have them together. His mind had clearly been elsewhere.

As if knowing her thoughts, Eric glanced at her and offered her a timid smile. He almost looked apologetic, and it made her stomach turn. Did he pity her? If so, why? What was going on in that head of his?

As with most drives in the tiny town of South Park, it wasn’t too long before they were pulling up into the parking lot of the small bar.

“Hey…isn’t that Stan and Wendy?” Kyle asked from the backseat.

“Yep,” Eric said awkwardly as they parked the car near the back of the parking lot, far away from Stan.

All three of them peered out the window, taking in the sight with uncertainty. Stan was pulling what looked like his guitar out of the back of his beat to shit Pontiac. They watched as he set it down and closed the trunk, a little surprised to see Wendy wrapping her arms around his waist. He put his arm around her and leaned in like he was whispering something at her, both of them appearing to laugh as they separated and he picked the guitar up again. They watched as they disappeared into the bar together.

“He doesn’t look gay to me,” Eric mused, looking back toward Kyle.

“Fuck…do you think I blew everything up over nothing?” Kyle whined, putting his hand to his head.

Alexis was eyeing the two of them, unsure what to make of it. She hadn’t gotten too good a look at him because he was so far away, but she had to admit he looked pretty cozy with whoever that woman was.

“What’re you gonna say to him?” Eric asked, unsure of why he felt so disappointed at seeing Stan and Wendy so close. What had he thought was going to happen? What did he _want_ to happen?

“I don’t fucking know…” Kyle said, an entirely defeated tone to his voice.

“You guys…it’s probably best to just go in there and rip the band aid off. You have to make nice for Kenny and Alley,” Alexis insisted, trying to stop them from getting too worked up.

Eric and Kyle looked at each other for a moment.

“She’s right, you know. Let’s go,” Eric said finally, opening his door and getting out.

Alexis gave Kyle a sympathetic glance before the two of them got out and followed Eric, who was checking out Stan’s car. It was definitely a piece of crap, and it had a bunch of stickers for bands he’d never heard of. It looked like a total hippie-ride, which certainly suited the Stan he remembered from his childhood. Of course, he had no clue whatsoever what kind of person he was now. Neither of them did. As the three of them entered the bar, they all felt queasy for their own reasons.

Eric swallowed hard as they entered, taking in the sight of Stan before they were noticed. He was standing over near the bar talking to someone who looked like they worked there. He was all dressed up for what Eric assumed was his band’s performance. He looked the part, for sure. His thick head of black hair was styled up into a relatively tame faux hawk, one that was passable for him to wear outside of performances. Aside from that, he had on a fitted black button up, long-sleeved shirt with the sleeves rolled up near his elbows. His jeans were dark grey and snug, topped off with casual black shoes. He was really thin, and his body language was a strange combination of confidence and insecurity wrapped up together. He felt his stomach lighten as he sensed their presence, turning his head to meet their gaze. His face was unreadable.

Kyle felt nauseous as the moment he’d been dreading since high school arrived; he was going to have to finally talk to Stan. Alexis watched hesitantly as the three of them tried to figure out what to do. As she took in the sight of this strange person they’d gotten themselves worked up about, she couldn’t help but feel really unsettled. He was stupid good-looking; like, the kind of person you didn’t see outside of the movies. She wasn’t sure why, but she felt a little cautious about him, like she didn’t want him getting too close to Eric.

“Stan!” Kyle hollered out awkwardly, waving his arm like an idiot.

Eric shut his eyes in irritation. Christ. He felt sick as Stan walked up to them all, stopping in front of them and looking them over. Fuck. His face was totally unreadable. He didn’t know what to do with it.

“Kyle,” he finally said quietly, nodding his head at him.

Kyle cleared his throat and looked around. No one could do anything to get out of this horrendously awkward situation. Stan’s blue eyes remained fixed on Kyle, like he was daring him to walk away without saying something. Kyle met his eyes and finally let out an audible sigh.

“Fuck…Stan…I’m so sorry.”

Stan shrugged, “Okay.”

Kyle’s eyes were darting around. Goddamn it. He had no idea where to start. His face ran hot as he started to blurt things out.

“I thought…uh, this might sound really stupid, but I thought you were into me…and, well, that’s why I quit hanging out with you. I just didn’t really know what to do about it…so, yeah. I’m really sorry. I wish I’d done things differently.”

Stan raised his eyebrows and let out an exasperated laugh, “Right. And I’m sensing you’re feeling some kind of relief because you think…what exactly?”

“I don’t know…shit…I’m sorry. We saw you in the parking lot with Wendy and everything. I guess I was wrong…?”

Stan stepped forward a bit, which caused Kyle to take a nervous step backward, “So…what I’m getting here from you, and please, correct me if I’m wrong, is that you feel like it’s all okay now because you think you were wrong about me and my gay fucking feelings for you?”

Eric and Alexis were kind of mortified at how poorly the conversation was going as Kyle fell into a visible panic.

“No, no…not exactly. I don’t care if you are or you aren’t. I’m sorry. I just…my point was that I didn’t even ask you and I’m really sorry. I should’ve tried to at least talk to you.”

Stan folded his arms across his chest and stared at Kyle. He was calm, but also visibly pissed. 

“Why aren’t you asking me now? You’re still making assumptions.”

Kyle swallowed, his green eyes wide as he spoke sheepishly.

“Are you? Were you in love with me?”

A fleeting sadness crossed Stan’s face before he spoke, his voice lower and calmer than it had been before.

“Yes. I’m gay and yes, I was in love with you. I never said shit to you about it, and I don’t know why you didn’t just talk to me if it was that obvious. If you would’ve just said you were straight or whatever I would’ve respected that. I don’t know what you thought I was going to do. I don’t know _why_ the hell I even loved you. You’re a fucking asshole. I mean, who does that, Kyle? Who just leaves someone behind like that, after all the shit we’ve been through?”

Kyle’s shoulders dropped, “Fuck. I’m really, so, so sorry, Stan.”

“I’m sorry, too,” Eric spoke up, catching Stan’s attention.

He looked toward him and started to raise his voice, pointing his finger at him.

“Don’t even get me started on you…you…uh…” as he looked at Eric he was struck with something he didn’t quite recognize. There was something so goddamn familiar about him. He immediately lost his train of thought as he looked into those proverbial hazel eyes. What the hell?

Eric, Alexis and Kyle all stood there, trying to figure out why Stan looked so suddenly flustered. His cheeks reddened a bit as he dropped his hand, refolding his arms across his chest.

“…fuck. It’s fine. It’s okay. Just…forget the bullshit. We’ve got to get along for Kenny and Alley, right? So. I forgive you guys. It’s done.”

Another silence passed as Stan shifted his feet and looked down at the ground for a moment. Eventually, he raised his eyes back up to meet Eric’s.

“You look different.”

“Yeah, well, you still look like a goddamn hippie,” Eric retorted, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

Stan half-way smiled at him before speaking up awkwardly again.

“I’m sorry. I’ve had a lot of years to be really pissed off at you guys. Let’s just try to start fresh,” he offered.

Kyle immediately stepped forward and threw his arms around Stan. He looked pretty shocked by it, but he responded by wrapping his arms around Kyle and holding him for a moment, an unmistakably sad look on his face. When they separated Kyle stepped back.

“Thank you. I am really, so fucking sorry. It was stupid the way I handled it. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Stan nodded appreciatively. He wasn’t sure what else to say about it. Eric stepped forward and pulled Stan in for a far less awkward hug. As they embraced, both of their stomachs were screaming at them. The feel of each other’s bodies was like a well-loved photograph burned into their memories. It was familiar. It was painfully known. As they separated, they both looked at one another, the obvious question of how the fuck they knew each other like that hanging in the air between them.

As Alexis had watched the two of them embrace, her stomach was also in knots. This Stan person felt very threatening to her. He was so goddamn good looking, and she couldn’t help but think he was the reason Eric had bothered to dress for the occasion. She couldn’t really explain it, but she just knew. She could feel something in the air between them both, even though they hadn’t seen each other since they were teens.

“Oh, uh, this is my girlfriend, Alexis,” Eric said awkwardly as he extended his arm toward her.

She walked up timidly beside him, her eyes fixated on Stan. His blue eyes were striking, and she kind of felt like she was falling into them as he reached out to shake her hand. She could hardly contain the jealousy she felt seizing hold of her entire body as she shook his hand, wanting nothing more than to get herself and Eric away from him.

“Good to meet you. Kenny told me you guys have been dating for a while now,” he offered, trying to be cordial.

“Yeah, about a year. I heard you two were pretty good friends when you were kids…?” she asked, her voice a little shaky. Fuck. She hated this feeling. Fuck his stupid, attractive, friendly-ass face. She was so mad at him for looking like that.

“Ha! Hardly,” Eric spat out.

Stan grinned at him and shook his head, “Definitely not. Kyle was my best friend. Cartman was just always…there.”

She noticed Stan didn’t call him Eric like everyone else did. That must’ve been a thing from his childhood. 

“Stan here is the biggest bleeding heart goddamn hippie you will ever meet in your life,” Eric went on.

Alexis could tell there had to be some closeness between the two of them the way they were talking. It was a show to say otherwise. She felt even more jealousy welling up inside of her. Thankfully, the pretty girl from the parking lot approached the group and eased some of the awkwardness between them all. She came up beside Stan and leaned into him. He bit his lower lip and raised his eyebrows at her, quickly wrapping his arm around her shoulders like he’d done in the parking lot. They were obviously very close.

“Hey guys!” Wendy said, offering them a bright, wide smile.

“Hey, Wendy,” Kyle greeted as he moved in for a hug

Alexis watched as they all continued to get reacquainted, trying to behave graciously as she was introduced to her, too. After a few minutes, though, she piped up.

“I’m going to go and get a drink,” she explained as she walked away from them.

She had to get away from this whole situation for a minute and process things.

“Yeah, I gotta go and string up the rest of the lights. I’ll catch up with you guys in a minute,” Stan added, backing away from the three of them timidly.

Kyle, Eric and Wendy followed Alexis over to the bar, each of them placing an order for drinks. They sat down and got cozy in the barstools. Wendy noticed that Alexis seemed uncomfortable, but she assumed it was because she didn’t know anyone, so she made up her mind that she would be her friend for the night.

Eric, on the other hand, knew her well enough to sense that something was wrong. His heart had been racing a million miles a second during that entire interaction with Stan; maybe he hadn’t concealed it well enough. Maybe she knew Stan had him like that. Wait… _did_ Stan have him like that? How could he? They barely even knew each other anymore. At yet, it felt like, somehow, he knew everything about him. What in the hell _was_ that?


	4. I Know You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Drama unfolds as the night goes on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here is the rest of the original chapter 3. It is kind of long, buuuuuut it seriously has the most romantic kissing scene I've ever written in it, in my personal opinion! <3 <3 <3 I hope you read all the way through.

A searing headache, the brightest of flashes, whooshing and whirring. The sounds of coming back home.

Kenny blinked, the world around him coming into focus. He was at home, and he had on a nice outfit like he was going somewhere. How much time had he missed this time? He stood awkwardly in the bathroom with a button up, brown t-shirt, grey suit jacket and blue jeans. He was in his socks still with his dress shoes beside him. Okay, it definitely wasn’t his wedding day or he’d be getting into a tux. Maybe this was for the wedding party? Was that what he was doing? He heard Alley moving around inside the bedroom, so he pushed the bathroom door open and peered at her. She was just slipping into a little black dress.

“Oh, hey! Can you zip me?” she asked, bounding over to him.

Yes, that was the outfit she had bought for the wedding party. He’d only missed a few hours. 

“Sure,” he said in a daze as she turned around and he zipped up the back for her. It never ceased to amaze him the way no one else could remember the things that happened. The truck that he’d pushed her out of the way from. It was like nothing had ever happened. What went on with him while he was in the void? How did his body move, function, talk, interact? Why didn’t he retain any of those memories? What was a body without a soul?

“Are you okay?” Alley asked, turning toward him.

“Yeah, babe, I’m fine. Just thinking,” he offered, looking straight into her green eyes.

He smiled at her, doing his best to shake off the frustration and, honestly, fear he was experiencing. He brushed her chin length, blonde hair back behind her ear and kissed her softly. She kissed him back and they continued this way for a few moments before separating. He rubbed her cheek with his thumb affectionately.

“I love you. I can’t wait to marry you,” he said, his nerves settled. He could stuff it all down for now and worry about it later. He had to compartmentalize if he was going to make it through this.

“I love you, too. Now go finish getting ready! We don’t want to be late!” she insisted, scurrying across the room to get her flats on.

He couldn’t help but smile at her for skipping the heels. She was a practical woman and she knew that her feet would be killing her if she wore those things. He appreciated that about her. He chuckled a bit and went into the bathroom to get his shoes on. Within a few minutes they were ready to head out. They talked excitedly about the night ahead of them on their way. Alley was really excited to meet Kenny’s friends. She knew Stan fairly well since he’d stayed in South Park, but she’d never met Kyle or Eric. She was really fond of Stan. He had his troubles, but he was really a loving person and a generous friend, so she was sure she was going to love the other two as well.

As they pulled up into the parking lot they both recognized Butters and Token. They parked their car up beside theirs and got out to say their hellos, hugging and exchanging pleasantries. They were all chattering when they entered the bar. Kenny and Alley both immediately started commenting on the decorations and how great they were. Kenny spotted Stan, who had just finished tacking up the lights and was walking over towards them.

“Hey, guys!” he said enthusiastically as he pulled Alley in for a tight hug.

She grasped him tightly for a second and then allowed him to kiss her on the cheek, “I hope you guys like everything…”

“It looks great! Thank you so much for setting this all up for us, Stan,” Kenny replied as he hugged him tight.

They each patted each other on the back before separating. Token and Butters greeted Stan. The three of them saw each other all of the time at work so it wasn’t a big deal. While everyone chattered around him, Kenny spotted the rest of his friends over at the bar; they were standing around, smiling and waving at him. He gently took Alley’s hand and led her over to introduce her.

“Alley, this is Eric and Kyle, and I’m going to go out on a limb here and say you must be Alexis…?” he reached out his hand to shake hers.

Alexis smiled confidently at him, “yup! And you’re Kenny I’m assuming?” she laughed at bit at the end of her question.

“The one and only,” he joked, releasing her hand and putting it on the small of Alley’s back as she said hello to everyone.

“Awe man, this is so great. Look at this, the gang’s all back together!” Kenny beamed as Stan walked up and leaned against the bar near Alexis. She shifted uncomfortably beside him, but he didn’t seem to notice. He was very casual and calm in his demeanor, making it difficult for her to get a read on him. She took a sizeable gulp of her beer, which caught his attention. She remembered Eric saying he’d been a raging alcoholic, and she felt a little guilty drinking in front of him all of a sudden. He offered her a soft, half-hearted smile before averting his eyes to the ground. She watched as he pulled a toothpick out of his pocket and popped it into his mouth. She assumed it helped him deal with the urge to drink.

“Hey, assholes!” a familiar, nasally voice caught their attention. 

By now everyone was gathered near the bar, ordering up their drinks, happily greeting the latest arrival, whom Alexis learned was named Craig. She said hello to him. The people were starting to blend in for her; she wasn’t familiar with anyone and her discomfort and anxiety was growing. The owner of the bar turned up the volume on the music as more people were arriving and Kenny and Alley kind of got pulled away from the group each time a new person arrived. Stan continued to lean there quietly; he seemed to be listening in on what all was going on around them. Alexis continued to nurse her beer.

“Pretty much a giant dude fest, isn’t it?” Wendy joked as she leaned in beside Alexis.

“Uh, yeah…sure is,” she replied, smiling at her new friend. At least there was one other woman around.

“Bebe’s coming, isn’t she?” Stan asked, perking up beside her.

“Yeah, she and a few of the other girls are coming. You know Bebe, though. She takes forever to get ready…”

Stan let out a light hearted laugh and nodded, his eyes falling on Alexis once more.

“Hey, you girls want to go out back?” he suddenly asked.

“Um, yes…yes I do,” she responded, relieved at the thought of getting away from all of the chaos.

He nodded at Wendy, “alright, let’s go. Come on,” he touched Alexis’s arm gently, nudging her along. Kyle and Eric were pretty involved in conversations with Token, Butters, Tweek and Craig, so no one really noticed as the three of them headed out toward the back patio. There were a few coat racks there, and Stan grabbed a black jean jacket with a gray hood off of it and slipped it on. Wendy grabbed a cute leather jacket and got it on as they walked out back. Alexis still had on her button up, gray coat from when they’d arrived. It wasn’t especially cold, but the sun was beginning to set so there was a chill in the air, for sure.

“Oh, wow, it’s pretty nice back here,” Alexis commented as they leaned up against the wall of the bar.

There were picnic tables everywhere, with nice warm lights strung across overhead. There was a small bar in the corner and the music was still playing outside, though it was much quieter. There was even a really cute lounge area with giant over sized couches and a fire pit in the center.

“Yeah, I get a little anxious once the bars start to fill up. Kind of a drag when you’re always playing shows in them,” Stan joked as he pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his jacket pocket, “you guys want one?” he asked holding out the pack.

“Yes, please,” Wendy responded, hopping up on her toes.

“Nah, I don’t smoke. Thanks, though,” Alexis answered.

“Helps me occupy myself,” Stan commented as he popped two cigarettes into his mouth and lit them both, handing one over to Wendy. 

As they puffed, Wendy leaned into Stan and he put his arm around her. Alexis watched quietly, a little confused at the intimacy between them. Wendy noticed.

“I guess our friendship is a little strange,” she offered, “but, you know, we were a couple for a really long time. I guess that kind of, I dunno, makes it easy to be close.”

Alexis nodded. She couldn’t help but wonder if it must hurt; if Wendy had loved Stan the way Stan had loved Kyle. She’d never really been in a relationship like that, where she could continue to be friends once it was all over. She wondered what it would be like when she and Eric were over. Wasn’t it inevitable at this point?

“So, what’s it like dating Cartman, anyway? He was _such_ an asshole when we were kids,” Wendy asked. Part of her was joking around, but she did seriously wonder what the deal was with Cartman. How could anyone date him? Had he changed all that much?

“It’s, uh…” she paused for a long time, considering her answer.

Stan and Wendy looked at each other, exchanging amused glances. Alexis let out a small laugh.

“…it’s, very cordial.”

“What in the hell is that supposed to mean?” Stan laughed. That was a very unexpected description.

“Um…ha…well, what I mean is…he’s a perfect gentleman. He’s good to me. We have fun. We have good conversations. He’s not rude or unkind or anything like that, but…”

She looked them over. Why was she even saying any of this? Was it a good idea to let Stan know there were cracks in their relationship? Maybe she should just get it over with. Then she could move on and pursue Kyle.

“…um, he’s just kind of a closed book, that’s all. He doesn’t really get past a certain level of intimacy.”

“You guys don’t have sex???” Wendy gasped.

She shook her head, “no, not that. More like, he won’t talk to me about anything that really matters.”

She still couldn’t decide if it was a good idea to share this information with Stan. For all she knew, though, Stan wasn’t into Eric at all. It seemed like they really didn’t know each other all that much. He wasn’t showing much interest in him either. He was out here with Wendy and her, after all. If he was interested in Eric, wouldn’t he have been inside with him?

“Oh, yeah. That doesn’t really surprise me,” Stan responded.

“Sounds about right,” Wendy agreed.

Alexis eyed them both curiously. Stan removed his arm from Wendy and shuffled a bit.

“He’s always been like that?” she asked. 

She was curious. She didn’t really know anything about the kind of person everyone said that he used to be. She’d gathered he’d been fairly intolerable.

“Ooooh, yes. Only, no one would’ve ever described him as a ‘gentleman’! He was outrageous when he was a kid. He said all kinds of crazy, inappropriate things. He deflected everything that made him uncomfortable with rage and hatred. He was really honestly one of the meanest people I’ve ever met,” Wendy answered.

“Really? Wow…” Alexis mused, crossing her arms over her chest, “that’s nuts. He really is very polite. He’s pretty calm most of the time, too. I can’t imagine him being full of rage.”

Stan laughed, “he was fucking insane when he was a kid. I couldn’t stand him most of the time.”

“Yeah, but you still hung out with him all the time!” Wendy teased.

Stan shrugged, “yeah, Kyle kept him around for some reason. I never understood it. But, hey, we all deserve second chances, right? He sounds like he’s alright now.”

Alexis eyed him as he finished off his cigarette. He held out his hand for Wendy’s. She handed it to him and he walked over to one of the picnic tables and smashed them down into an ashtray. She felt a pit in her stomach, wishing she hadn’t given Stan and Wendy all of that information. Stan said he hadn’t really cared too much for Eric growing up, and he sounded like he didn’t know him now, but she just couldn’t shake this feeling that there was more to it than that.

“Well, I guess we should go back inside. We’ve gotta get ready to go onstage,” Wendy sighed.

“Yep, let’s go,” Stan said as he looped his arm with Wendy’s, the three of them heading back inside.

…

Eric nursed his gin and tonic while everyone around chatted loudly. There was a lot going on, but the little bit of alcohol he had was easing his nerves and making it easier to catch up with people. He had noticed Wendy, Stan and Alexis taking off onto the patio a little while earlier. He wasn’t sure what they were up to. He’d wanted to follow them, but he also kind of wanted to stay as far away from Stan as possible. The way he felt earlier, just in that brief interaction, was terrifying to him. It was so intense, the pull he felt toward him. It really did make him want to vomit. He was doing his best to just ignore the whole thing, whatever it was.

“You alright?” Kyle asked, nudging Eric’s arm.

“Yep. I’m good,” he responded, taking a sip of his drink.

Kyle eyed him. He wasn’t sure what was bothering Eric, but he could see it was something. He’d been acting kind of strange ever since they’d left the hotel earlier that morning.

“You sure? Did you and Alexis have a fight or something?”

Eric shook his head, “no. No, she’s fine. I’m fine, it’s all fine,” he insisted.

Kyle could tell he didn’t want to talk about whatever it was and decided not to push it. He couldn’t help but feel like it had something to do with him and Alexis. Did he know? Did he know something was going on between the two of them? He felt his hands trembling as he lifted his beer to his lips and took a swig. He looked around awkwardly. Craig, Tweek, Clyde, Token and Butters were pretty involved in conversation, so he decided to drop in.

“Yeah, the farm is alright. Randy’s a major jerk, but Sharon’s alright. She’s pretty easy going, I like her. Plus the barn they gave me to stay in is really sweet. I like hanging out there and just doing whatever. It’s a good deal. I’m glad I stepped back from school. It just wasn’t really my thing,” Clyde explained.

Token shook his head, his eyebrows raised in amusement, “I don’t know how you did that, man. Just dropping everything like that.”

“Me neither! I would be having panic attacks worrying about it all,” Tweek agreed.

Kyle smirked. Tweek was still kind of a jittery little dude. 

“Hey, we’re going to be starting the show soon,” Stan’s voice interrupted as he walked up beside Eric and Kyle. Alexis squeezed in between the two of them, and Wendy settled right beside Stan; she was practically attached to his hip.

Eric cleared his throat.

“Hey, do you mind holding my drink? I gotta use the bathroom,” he said abruptly as he handed his drink to Alexis.

“Yeah, sure,” she answered, a puzzled look on her face.

Eric nodded at her and walked off really quickly. An awkward moment passed between them all before Wendy tapped Stan’s arm.

“Come on, we need to go get set up.”

“For sure…” He answered, staring off after Eric quizzically. Did he feel it, too? Whatever the hell it was?

Alexis looked at Kyle and offered him a shrug as Wendy drug Stan away from them.

“You’re friends are kind of weird,” she joked.

Kyle laughed and shook his head, “yeah…everyone is being a little strange, aren’t they?”

Alexis lifted her beer to her lips and took a sip. She was mulling a question over in her head.

“Here, give me that,” Kyle said warmly as he took Eric’s drink and set it on a small table beside him.

“Oh, thanks,” she responded, smiling uncertainly at him.

Kyle eyed her. She didn’t seem right either. Maybe he should ask her if they’d had a fight? Before he could, she was questioning him.

“Hey, uh…am I crazy or is there something between Eric and Stan?”

Kyle looked entirely shocked at her question, and for a moment she felt kind of stupid for asking.

“Uh…ha…I really, _really_ doubt that. As far as I know they haven’t even talked to each other since high school, and even back then that was really only when they had to for me. Besides, Eric isn’t gay…I’ve only ever seen him date girls…”

“What if I told you he wasn’t, uh, _entirely_ straight…?”

“Is he not?” Kyle asked quietly, leaning in. He didn’t want anyone to overhear their conversation.

She hesitated for a moment. It was the _one_ intimate thing she did know about him. She wasn’t so sure she should betray his confidence. Kyle could tell she was torn about answering, so he went ahead and spoke.

“Even if he was, hypothetically, bisexual, I really doubt he’d be into Stan, Alexis. Seriously, those two would not be a thing. They don’t even know each other. I barely know Stan anymore, and we were way closer.”

Alexis nodded, a troubled look on her face. Kyle felt a little jealousy welling up in his chest.

“Alexis…even if he was into someone else, would that be such a bad thing? Then, you know, me and you…we could…” he trailed off there. He didn’t want to say it out loud. He didn’t want to break everything.

She shifted uncomfortably, unsure of what she could say. Instead of saying anything, she decided to just link her pinky with his. They stood this way, the rest of the bar falling away for just a moment.

“Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad,” she finally said softly.

Kyle couldn’t help but smile. They unlinked their pinkies and sipped on their drinks, eyeing each other with fond looks on their faces.

Yeah, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

It wasn’t long before Eric was back from the restroom. He spotted his drink on the table and retrieved it before standing on the other side of Alexis again. The three of them watched quietly as Wendy, Stan and two other guys in the band were scurrying around on the stage plugging in amps and guitars. It wasn’t too long before they were taking their positions, Stan slinging his guitar strap around his neck, Wendy adjusting her bass, another guy strumming lightly at his guitar, and the drummer looking pretty eager in the back.

“You know, this is going to be to some hippie bullshit, right?” Eric halfway joked as he raised his eyebrows at Alexis and Kyle.

Kyle laughed, “well, you know Stan. He’s a perpetual idealist.”

As they were talking the lights dimmed and all that remained were the lights on the stage. Stan and Wendy walked up to their mics and started kind of pumping everyone up before they wailed on their instruments. 

“They are actually pretty good!” Kenny’s voice rang out as he and Alley walked up beside Eric.

Kyle and Alexis smiled at them. She couldn’t help but notice how full of joy everyone seemed to be except for her, Eric, and Stan. She made a mental note to lighten up. So what if Eric was into Stan? Maybe he could actually find some happiness in that.

“They do sound pretty good!” Kyle hollered out.

Eric remained quietly watching. They were good. The whole band was really energetic and putting their hearts into it. Stan and Wendy both sang, or more shouted, and the lyrics were what Eric could only describe as aggressively political, but it was fun to experience nonetheless. He noticed that Stan and Wendy interacted a lot on stage, and people seemed to like it. They definitely had a gimmick on stage, and watching him flirt with Wendy was a little frustrating, even it if it was just for show.

The songs were kind of blending in over time. They were all high energy, critical, and angry, but also kind of hopeful. At one point as the heat of the stage lights started to get to him, Stan ripped off his jacket, which Cartman found incredibly sexy. He had to admit, Stan definitely commanded the stage. Their band actually could be successful if they had the right opportunities. Of course, these days with the Internet and everything being all packaged and shiny, that wouldn’t be happening. They all looked like they really enjoyed what they were doing though, so that must’ve been enough for them.

The show went by pretty quickly, and all of them had just been kind of watching without talking. When it was over the band thanked the crowd, Stan and Wendy shared an overly obnoxious kiss as part of their shtick, and headed down off of the stage. Eric knew he couldn’t avoid Stan all night, so he resolved to try and stick around. As he figured he would, Stan made his way right over to his friends.

“Goddamn, I’m thirsty,” he said breathlessly.

“I’ll go grab us some waters,” Wendy offered, also sounding out of breath.

“Thanks,” he said as she took off toward the bar, “did you guys like the show?”

“Yeah!” Kyle said enthusiastically, “you guys were great! I’m kind of surprised!”

Stan laughed.

“Me, too. A little loud for my taste, but you guys were into it I guess,” Eric conceded, not wanting to sound overly interested in any of it.

Stan smiled warmly at him, “thanks, Cartman. I guess that’s about as close to a compliment as I’ll ever get from you.”

Eric smirked at him, noting how sweaty he had gotten on stage. It only made the scent of cigarettes and cologne he exuded stronger and more alluring. Wendy made her way back over and gave him a water bottle and a wad of paper towels. She had already downed her water and wiped her own face off.

“Thanks,” he said gratefully as he took the water and eagerly chugged it. Once it was gone he wiped all the sweat off of his forehead and wadded up the towels, tossing it into a nearby trashcan.

“Fucking hot up there,” he acknowledged.

Eric swallowed.

“Do you guys want to go outside and get some air?” Kyle asked, leaning in and shouting.

The bar had cranked up the music while the next band prepared to go onstage. There were going to be a handful more local bands playing, which none of them had any plans to actually watch.

“Yes!” Stan said gratefully, “oh, shit…I left my jacket up on stage. I’ll be right out, you guys go ahead.”

Stan ran off and the rest of them headed out onto the back patio, Wendy immediately paired up with Alexis. Alley found her way over to them, too. Once they were outside they all settled around the lounge chairs and the fire, the girls on one end and the guys on the other. Alexis was kind of relieved to be around some feminine energy.

“That was some kiss you guys had on stage there,” Alley teased as she settled in.

Alexis nodded in agreement, “yeah, sheesh.”

“It’s a gimmick, obviously,” Wendy explained, though she sounded a little nervous.

“Mmmmhmmmm,” Alley muttered, nodding her head.

Alley knew Wendy fairly well and she’d seen the escalation in their antics over time. They’d had their bit on stage for a while, but they were getting more physical and it concerned Alley some. She knew Wendy had been in love with Stan when they were dating and she worried that they might be involved in some way or another that was going to wind up hurting her.

“Just be careful. You know it can’t go anywhere,” Alley warned gently.

Wendy kind of shrugged, “I don’t know. I haven’t really asked him before if he’s just, like, gay or bi or what. All I can say is…he’s done some things that make me think maybe there’s a chance.”

Alexis didn’t really know her, but she felt a little sorry for her. Stan was clearly overly affectionate with her and it was messing with her head.

“Are you two getting involved off stage?” Alley prodded.

Wendy averted her eyes and tapped her foot on the ground nervously. Her lack of answer pretty much said it all.

“Are you, you know…like…”

“No, we’re not having sex,” she interrupted, “just, well, it started out as just kissing, you know? Like…really intense, hot kissing, but some stuff has happened since. He won’t let me do anything for him, but he takes care of me…um…you know.”

Alley nodded, “how long have you guys been doing this?”

Wendy shrugged, “I don’t know…a few months I guess.”

Alley nodded again, a silence settling over the three of them. Alexis felt really sorry for her. It was very obvious Stan wasn’t into her. 

“I don’t know you too well, but, for what it’s worth, I agree with Alley. You should be careful,” Alexis said quietly as Stan emerged from the bar. 

Wendy’s saddened, confused eyes immediately fixated on him. He spotted them all and made his way over to the girls. He wanted to go and shoot the shit with the guys, but these days he felt more comfortable with Wendy. Plus, he was having a hard time being around Cartman. It was electric to be near him and he didn’t understand it and he was skeptical of what he was experiencing. He felt weary of it all. 

He sat down near Wendy, but before anyone could talk a big group made their way out to the patio. As Butters, Token, Tweek, Craig, Clyde, Bebe, Heidi, Red, and Nichole found some seats, the other guys moved in closer. They all spread out on the couches, Kenny beside Alley, Wendy beside Stan, Alexis between Eric and Kyle, Butters near Token, Craig, Tweek and Clyde near Bebe, Heidi and Red. It was a big circle and everyone was immediately chattering, and the drinks were flowing freely. It was hard to keep up with. 

Alexis mostly listened, leaning herself closer to Kyle than Eric. She didn’t think Eric even noticed; his eyes kept landing on Stan, who was carelessly leaning on Wendy’s shoulder. He looked really tired out, probably from playing the show and being the only sober person in the group. She did notice, however, that every so often Stan would lock eyes with Eric and stare. He looked incredibly anxious when that would happen, and he seemed to always be the one to break the gaze every time Alexis caught it. This all went on for about an hour before that blonde girl Bebe stood herself up and announced that she thought it would be fun if everyone played a game of spin the bottle.

“That’s for kids!” Craig hollered out, annoyed at the idea.

“Yeah, but we _are_ sitting beside all of these pretty young girls,” Token interjected enthusiastically.

“Like I care about that,” Craig protested some more, alluding to his relationship with Tweek.

Stan pinched the bridge of his nose, exasperated, “No, no, no. That sounds fucking stupid.”

“Oh, come _on_!” Bebe pleaded.

Stan shook his head fervently, “nope. No way. Not doing that.”

“Let’s put it to a vote,” Red chimed in, “I don’t mind! It could be fun!”

“Okay, who votes yes?” Bebe hollered out.

Bebe, Butters, Token, Clyde, Heidi, Red, Nichole, Wendy, Kyle and Alexis all raised their hands. It was an obvious majority. Alexis and Kyle normally would’ve voted no, but they were both kind of hoping they would get the chance to kiss. Eric folded his arms across his chest and shot Alexis a pleading look. She found herself wondering if he was worried about her kissing other people, or if he was worried he was going to kiss Stan. A small, vindictive part of her wanted them to kiss so she could see if she was nuts or not.

Stan shifted uncomfortably, unable to look at Cartman as he spoke, “fine, but just so you all know I’m not holding back. I’m going to really kiss you, so fuckin’ deal with it.”

They all laughed as Bebe emptied her bottle, insisting she would go first. Stan felt horribly on the spot. He felt like no matter who he kissed it was going to be uncomfortable for him and them. He was terrified it would wind up being Cartman. He was worried about being judged; would he kiss too much, too little? He had an anxious pit in his stomach. He tried to hide it, but it was fairly obvious he was at the very least annoyed. Wendy put her hand on his shoulder and squeezed, offering him a soft smile, “don’t worry, you’re fine.”

He felt dread in his chest as he crossed his feet and looked down; he was certain his face was red. He felt like throwing up as Bebe put the bottle on the ground and spun it. It landed on Token, who had a shit eating grin on his face as she approached and kissed him. She went pretty all out and kissed him good, but it wasn’t long enough to be out of bounds or anything. Everyone kind of laughed and made wooing noises at them. Token went next, and he got Alexis. She laughed nervously as he approached her shyly.

“Sorry, Cartman,” he said before leaning in and giving her a kiss. He kept it closed mouth, but it was long enough to be more than a peck. She blushed fervently as he smiled at her and went back to his spot. She mouthed out the word ‘sorry’ to Eric, who smirked at her and brushed it off. He didn’t look like he much cared. She shrugged and spun it, landing on Craig. She was disappointed it wasn’t Kyle, but she went over and gave Craig a kiss similar to what Token had done to her.

“Awe, come on…you guys are so PG!” Bebe whined.

Alexis shrugged, “sorry…I don’t know you all well enough for that!”

She hurried back to her place and Craig spun the bottle. Stan’s eyes rolled to the back of his head as he groaned. The bottle had landed on him. Craig shrugged and strode over to Stan.

“Hey, you can just give me a peck or whatever…I’m good,” Stan insisted.

Craig smirked at him and raised his eyebrows, “I don’t give a shit,” he said, “no more PG stuff, right?” he leaned down and grabbed Stan by the back of his head and gave him a theatrical, open mouthed kiss. Stan kissed him back, a little caught up in the moment, surprised when Craig started to kiss him with tongue. It was a real kiss, but it was short enough. Craig laughed as he pushed away and went back to his spot, everyone ooh-ing at them; Tweek’s face was all red. Stan was blushing profusely as well. It had been a long time since he’d had a kiss from someone other than Wendy and he was kind of upset about how much he’d enjoyed the comfort of it. He wanted a boyfriend so badly. He shook his head, his hands trembling visibly as he stood up and squatted to spin the bottle. He felt relieved when it landed on Wendy. No biggie there.

He sat back down beside her, put his hand on the back of her head and kissed her passionately. They leaned back into the seat together and kissed long enough that everyone kind of started getting rowdy about it. They separated, smiling at everyone. He felt relieved, maybe he could manage not to be picked again. 

“I want to kiss Stan…so far, I’d say he looks to be the best kisser!” Bebe teased.

Stan let out an uncomfortable laugh and scratched the back of his head. He leaned on Wendy for comfort. She was the only thing that felt safe in that moment. Alexis eyed him. She felt kind of bad for him because she could see he felt terribly uncomfortable, but she was also kind of furious with him for just existing and being so obviously important to Eric. He was important to Kyle, too. She could see how much he mattered to the two men she cared for, even if it was in different ways. She kind of wanted to smack him. 

Wendy spun the bottle and it landed on Bebe. Everyone started getting all rowdy about it when they kissed, though they kept it pretty PG, despite Bebe’s whining earlier. It was no secret Bebe wanted to make out with the guys. She was always kind of a partier and an instigator that way. She spun it and it landed on Clyde. She happily bound over to him and kissed him really passionately for entirely too long. It made everyone laugh, even Stan had to chuckle a little at that one. She was very outgoing, that one.

“Alright, how many rounds of this are we doing, Jesus,” Craig whined. 

How long did people play this stupid game?

“I don’t know…until everyone has had a proper kiss I guess!” Bebe insisted.

Stan rolled his eyes. He agreed with Craig; he really wanted the game to be over. For the first time since the game began, he glanced over at Eric. Their eyes locked for a moment and both of them felt their stomach’s drop. Alexis noticed them staring at each other as Clyde spun the bottle. He got Kenny, and the two of them kissed with a small amount of enthusiasm and relatively quickly. Stan averted his eyes while Kenny spun the bottle. Alexis stared him down and then gave Cartman a frustrated look. Eric looked down at the ground; he could tell she knew something was up. Kenny got Alley, and they of course kissed obnoxiously and everyone cheered them on. Alley spun the bottle and it landed on Stan. Again. He blushed; there was no way he was going to kiss Kenny’s bride in any kind of real way. She walked up to him and he stood up, grabbing her by the shoulders gently and kissing her on the cheek. She gratefully smiled as everyone booed.

Stan shrugged, “what? Come on. Seriously!” he insisted, trying his best to play it cool as he spun the bottle again. He felt his stomach hit the floor as it landed on Cartman. Everyone started making a big fuss about it, knowing that Cartman was probably the one person that no one else wanted to kiss. It was amusing to the group.

Stan shook his head, his cheeks visibly red as he spoke, “no, no…I’m out. Nope.”

“Boo!!!” Bebe hollered at him, “you have to! We’ll let you off of the hook after this round…but you’ve gotta do it!”

A few others made similar remarks. Kyle, Kenny and Eric all looked entirely flustered. Kyle couldn’t help it, he instinctively squeezed Alexis’ hand. He knew she was concerned from what she’d said earlier. She was holding her breath as she watched Stan’s reddened, worried looking face. Would he walk off? He cleared his throat and walked up to Cartman. Alexis and Kyle could hear them talking.

“Look, I can just like kiss you on the cheek or something. Whatever, it’s fine…” Stan stammered quietly.

Eric shrugged, trying his best to play it cool. He wanted to kiss him. He wanted desperately to kiss him; almost as much as he wanted to run away from it and pretend nothing was happening between them.

“You want me to?” Stan asked.

“Whatever…everyone else took theirs. I’m fine.”

Stan eyed him for a moment, obviously hesitant. Alexis felt her heart pounding as Stan carefully leaned in, putting his hand on the back of Eric’s neck. He touched his forehead to his, his face filled with frustration and longing, before kissing Eric. They both opened their mouths and kissed enthusiastically. It went on long enough to get everyone going and make Alexis feel sick. After entirely too much time and passion had been put into the kiss, Stan broke it off, his forehead still touching Eric’s as he breathed shallow. His eyes were shut for a minute before he opened them, keeping his hand on the back of his neck and moving his face back just about an inch or so. He furrowed his brow, his blue eyes looking at Cartman’s face like he was the saddest person in the world.

“I know you…” he said softly. He sounded so, incredibly confused, “how do I know you?”

They were both breathing really hard as everyone kind of quieted and realized the moment had gotten serious. Stan abruptly stood up and stepped back, he bit his lip and stared at Eric with a pained look on his face. Eric couldn’t find any words. Before he could think of anything to say Stan waved his hand, “I’m out. I’m done,” he spat out as he spun on his heel and walked off, heading to the opposite end of the patio.

Alexis noticed Wendy sitting halfway up. She could tell she wanted to go after Stan, but she could also see the pain on her face. It was obvious now that she wasn’t anything more than a friend to him. Alexis felt sick as she saw the hurt on her face and sat in the awkwardness of what had just happened. She looked over at Eric and spoke softly.

“You don’t love me, do you?”

Eric abruptly turned to look at her, his eyes wide. He didn’t know what to say.

“You didn’t bring me here to meet your mom because you wanted to get serious. You brought me for convenience…”

“…Not entirely…” he stammered.

“Then what is this?” she demanded, her voice rising. Everyone around them was kind of shocked at the sudden turn of events.

“…I…I don’t know. I’m sorry. I don’t understand what’s happening with me…” he tried to explain. He really didn’t.

Alexis sighed, giving him a sincere look, “listen. If you don’t want to be serious with me it’s ok. I’m a big girl. I’ll be fine…but you’ve got to level with me, Eric. What do you want?”

Eric felt like everyone was staring at him and his heart was pounding. This was so much to take. All he could think to do was deflect.

“Aren’t you, like, into Kyle anyway?” he spat out. He didn’t sound mad, just panicked.

Kyle averted his eyes, shame overtaking him. He did know.

“Nothing’s happened between us,” Alexis insisted, “but, yeah…I like him. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t.”

Kyle lifted his gaze, shocked that she’d been so direct about it. Eric looked at him, almost like he needed some guidance.

“Eric…what do you want?” Alexis asked again.

“I want…” he looked her over for a moment, still out of breath as his heart beat wildly in his chest, “…I want Stan,” he finally relented.

Alexis nodded. She felt sad, but also a little free. At least she knew where they stood. 

“Okay,” she said softly. Everyone had been paying attention to their conversation, some of them trying to see what Stan was doing. He was leaning on the railing, facing away from everyone and smoking. Kenny was the first one to get up and head toward him.

“We have to go and talk to him, you guys. We can’t just leave him out there like that,” he insisted. 

He felt guilty. He knew why they were so familiar, even if they didn’t understand it. It was his fault they were in this mess. If only he hadn’t set off on that path with Joe back then. If only he had just accepted his suffering and left it alone. Things were so much worse now. He had a sinking feeling more terrible things were coming. He hated the pain he saw all of his friends in. It reminded him of how bad it had gotten before time had reset.

Kyle, Eric, Alley, Alexis, Kenny and Wendy all started to walk over towards Stan. Everyone else stayed behind and kind of tried to resume having a good time. It was awkward, but it wasn’t any of their business what was going on. Of course, a few of them kept glancing to see if they could figure out what was happening. Alexis was quiet as they all approached Stan. He turned toward them, but he kept his eyes on the ground. He was fidgeting his legs as he spoke.

“I’m sorry. Goddamn it I’m sorry. I should _not_ have kissed you like that…” he stammered.

It took him a minute, but he managed to lift his eyes and look between Eric and Alexis, “I’m really sorry…that was totally too much…”

“I kissed you, too…” Eric said gently, cautiously standing away from Stan. 

Stan nodded and puffed on his cigarette, his leg still fidgeting. His eyes landed on Wendy. He could tell immediately it wasn’t okay.

“Wendy…” he started.

She held up her hand, “Stan…I know. Please, just…I know.”

His face looked pained as she struggled to find the words.

“We shouldn’t have been fucking around together…” he stammered.

She didn’t say anything, tears welling up in her eyes.

“It’s not all your fault…I knew what I was doing, and I hoped without a reason to hope,” she offered.

Tears welled up in Stan’s eyes as he nodded.

“Just…give me some space. Maybe we can salvage the band,” she offered half heartedly before turning around and walking away. They could hear sobs escaping her as she left.

A quiet settled between them all as Stan struggled to keep himself from letting tears fall. He managed not to make a sound, but when he blinked the tears did, indeed, fall. He let out a defeated kind of laugh before he felt like he had to talk.

“Ha…shit. Shit!” he shouted, kicking the railing beside him, “goddamnit I wish I could just have a drink. What’s the point anyway? I quit…I got a good job…I did all the right things. But it doesn’t change who I am, does it? It doesn’t stop…it never quits…this feeling, this goddamn weight…I…” he struggled to find the words as he put his hands against his chest, “…at least when I was drinking I could turn it off. But now? Now it never stops. It never stops hurting. Things never stop being heavy. I can’t shake this never ending goddamn depression…Fuck!” he spat out, tears starting to really flow. He wasn’t able to hold in the sobs at this point.

Eric didn’t know what else to do, so he stepped forward and grabbed Stan. Stan dropped his cigarette on the ground and buried his head into Eric’s chest, sobbing. Eric looked up at them, uncertainty on his face. Kenny was the first to act, coming up behind Stan and wrapping his arms around him, too. Kyle also leaned in and wrapped him up. Stan continued to cry, though he tried to push them off. Alexis just watched in miserable silence.

They all stayed there in a huddle as he continually tried to push them off for a while; eventually he settled, though, accepting the comfort. Alley stood by with Alexis, and once he had quieted down enough they all released him. He sniffled and wiped the tears off of his cheeks. He looked really exhausted.

“I’m sorry…Jesus…” he said, still wiping his face. He couldn’t bring himself to look any of them in the eye.

“It’s okay, Stan,” Kyle offered, patting him on the back. Stan did lift his eyes to offer a half hearted smile at him, the person he’d once loved so much.

Stan looked at Kenny, “Shit…I’m sorry, this is supposed to be your wedding party. You guys go have fun…I’m fine, I’m fine…”

“It’s alright. I get it…more than you know,” Kenny said, regret in his voice. No one knew what he was talking about.

“Hey, why don’t you guys let me and Stan have a minute,” Eric finally said, looking everyone over. 

They all nodded, offering Stan reassuring glances before walking away. Alexis hesitated for a moment. It was done, though. It was definitely done. She looked at the ground and headed away, allowing Kyle to put his arm around her. Kenny and Alley rejoined the larger group by the fire pit, trying to give them some privacy. Alexis and Kyle went over to a bench out of earshot, but they were keeping an eye on them as they spoke.

An awkward silence passed between the two of them as Stan’s sad, blue eyes met Eric’s.

“What’s happening here? Am I crazy? Is it just me…?” he asked.

Eric shook his head, “no. You’re not…” a moment passed before he continued, “what you said…that you know me. I know you, too. I understand what you were saying. I don’t understand how, or why, but I feel the same.”

Stan shook his head and furrowed his brow, “I don’t understand this.”

“Me, neither,” Eric admitted. He felt fear gripping him in his chest. These feelings he was having for Stan; they were so intense. It was fucking terrifying.

“So…what do we do now?” Stan asked, biting his lip again and starting to fidget his leg. He looked so antsy and frustrated.

Eric shook his head, finding himself speechless again. Stan regretted asking for the briefest of seconds and started to stammer out excuses.

“It’s fine…we don’t have to do anything…it’s…”

“Shhhh,” Eric hushed him, placing his hand on the back of his neck and pulling him in gently.

He kissed him softly as Stan leaned into him and fluttered his eyes closed, returning the kiss. They both had horrible pits in their stomach as they fell into each other, the rest of the world seeming to melt away. When they stopped, Eric held onto him tight while they looked each other over.

“I don’t get this at all,” Stan admitted.

“Me neither, Hippie. Me neither.”

At the bench, Alexis was feeling sick to her stomach. Watching Eric kissing Stan was difficult, to say the least; especially because it looked really intimate and intense. It had never been that way between them. Kyle grabbed her hand from across the table.

“Hey, let’s get out of here,” he insisted.

“Yeah, okay,” she said in somewhat of a daze as she allowed Kyle to lead her through the bar and out into the parking lot.

“Come stay at my place tonight. I can sleep in my brother’s room. We don’t have to do anything,” he suggested.

She nodded, “okay…okay that sounds fine.”

Nothing else was said between the two of them that night. She slept in his bed and he slept in a sleeping bag on the floor in Ike’s room. It could wait until tomorrow.

There was always tomorrow.


	5. Tear You Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eric and Stan finish up their night at the party together.
> 
> Kyle and Alexis find themselves free to be together and sorting it out.
> 
> Kenny questions Kyle about his illnesses.
> 
> Stan has a run in with Kenny, Kyle and Alexis, and his dad actively and brutally humiliates him in front of them.
> 
> Sharon and Clyde have an encounter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, kind of a trigger warning in this chapter. I don't usually write scenes were someone is really mean to someone because I honestly can't stand mean people and I think they really suck, especially when they're mean for something a person can't change about themselves, but it is very important to the story to show how bad things are between Randy and Stan. There is a scene near the end where Randy really humiliates Stan because he's drunk and unable to handle his son being gay. It is intentionally very brutal with purpose to the story, and if that is too triggering I recommend skipping the scenes with Randy. It definitely depicts verbal abuse.

Eric had noticed Alexis leaving with Kyle, but he didn’t really care. Honestly, he was pretty relieved it had finally ended. He hoped she was able to remain his friend; he did really care for her and wanted her in his life. Honestly, she was one of his closest friends. It would really hurt to lose that, for sure. He stared off toward the bar, resting his head atop Stan’s. A few people from across the patio were glancing toward them every so often, trying to see what they were doing. Again, he didn’t really care.

“You know…” Stan said quietly, remaining against Eric’s chest, “…that stuff I said, it’s true. I’ve been so fucking depressed for a really, really long time.”

Eric continued to hold onto him, tightening his grip ever so slightly at what he was saying. He was warning him before they went any further; warning him that he wasn’t going to be easy or light. Eric understood. He’d battled his own demons, and he still had terrible issues surrounding intimacy. Standing there, holding Stan the way he was, that was way more affectionate than he’d ever been with Alexis. Their embrace was more intimate than having sex had been with her. He felt his heart beat quickening. Was this a mistake? Would Stan break him?

“I know,” Eric responded, “I remember. You were always depressive and disappointed in everything.”

A moment of quiet passed before Eric prodded some more, “what is it that’s weighing you down like this?”

Stan thought about it. There were so many things. His shitty relationship with Randy. His constant urge to drink and numb himself off. The pain he’d caused his family when he’d gone through withdrawal and rehab. The horrible, messed up things he saw going on in the world and the cold apathy of the people around him in the wake of such indifference. The relationships he’d ruined. The people he’d hurt. The list went on and on, but when it really boiled down to it, he just couldn’t articulate exactly what it was. Maybe it was chemical? He’d tried antidepressants once, but they’d numbed him out too much, leaving him convinced that absolutely nothing mattered ever. He wasn’t depressed on them, but he sure as hell wasn’t happy either. He’d eventually tossed them and chosen to sit with the pain. It was better than nothing at all.

“I don’t know,” he finally replied, “it just hurts all the time. I don’t even really know why.”

More silence passed between them. Eric struggled to figure out where to go from this point. There was still a chance to walk away from this whole thing. These feelings, they were just so intense. As good as they felt, the unknown wrecked him. There were so many ways this thing could go sideways. They could be too hot headed and incompatible, but so in love that it swallowed them up. It could be great, until one day Stan’s depression got the better of him and it took him out. I could start out hot and heavy and then fizzle out into obligation. The thing was, though, it could also be so goddamn good that he’d be crazy not to do this. Was Stan worth it? Eric’s stomach continued to hurt as he stood on the precipice of a breathtaking amount of vulnerability.

“I’m scared to do this,” he finally said, separating himself from Stan.

Stan put his hands into the pockets of his jacket, hovering close as Eric spoke.

“I’ve never been serious with anyone. For Christ’s sake, I just spent a year with Alexis and not once did I ever even really talk to her. I never comforted her when she needed it. I was never there for her when it counted. I could’ve done those things, but I made the choice not to. I think I even could’ve loved her if I had let myself…”

Stan’s face was difficult to read. He seemed to just be listening; quietly taking it all in.

“…but you…I…” he paused, scratching the back of his head as he struggled to explain himself, “…I don’t think I can be like that with you. You’re different. There’s just no way. If I do this, if I take you on, I can’t be cold with you. Do you understand what I’m saying? I can handle your depression. But you can’t…you have to hold on. If I do this, you have to be in it. Can you do that?”

Stan reached out his hands and grabbed Eric’s, looking directly into his eyes as he spoke, “I’m not going to off myself. I’ve been carrying this depression for so long, it’s like a part of me. There were times I thought about it, for sure, but I don’t anymore. Not seriously, anyway. I can’t make you promises that the outcome is going to be what we want here. I can’t even promise you that I won’t hurt you, Cartman. Relationships hurt. I haven’t experienced one that hasn’t. I _can_ promise you I won’t do it on purpose and I definitely won’t do anything that might break you.”

Eric stared at him, a terrified look on his face.

“Let’s just take this slow, alright? I do want this, but I can’t just, like, throw myself in head first. I need a minute.”

Stan smiled at him affectionately, “okay. We can do that.”

Eric nodded at him before shoving his hands into his jacket pockets, “should we go back to the party then?”

Stan looked toward the crowd over at the couches. They were all chatting and drinking, no one paying them any mind.

“I guess so. We’re here for Kenny, so we probably should.”

Eric eyed the crowd for a second, too. Neither of them was into it. They both definitely wanted to bail, but they were also trying their best to be decent friends. It was bad enough that Kyle and Alexis had been chased off. Stan felt terrible about it, especially for Alexis. She’d obviously had some hope, just like Wendy had, and he’d stolen it from them both with that one goddamn kiss. He felt a stab of sadness in his chest as he thought about what he’d done to Wendy. He should’ve never been so selfish with her. It never should’ve happened.

“Well, let’s go then,” Eric sighed.

They both kept their hands in the pockets of their jackets as they walked. Stan wanted to reach out and hold Eric’s hand, but he had just asked for some space to figure things out so he didn’t. He would just hang around and wait, he supposed.

“Hey, guys,” Bebe greeted them, looking like she felt really bad about the whole thing.

Kenny and Alley both smiled at them; they looked grateful that they’d decided to rejoin the group.

“Stan, I’m so sorry,” Bebe spat out, “I shouldn’t have pressured you. That was so rude of me,” she explained as she walked over and embraced him tightly.

He returned the hug, “it’s okay, Bebe. I’m fine, really.”

“It’s not okay, but thank you for your kindness about it,” she insisted as she released him and wrung her hands together.

He offered her a light smile, which she took to mean he was alright. She made a somewhat saddened face at him before nodding and dropping it.

“Hey, Eric…come with me to grab a beer,” Kenny suddenly insisted.

Eric nodded, touching the small of Stan’s back gently as he walked past him, releasing butterflies in his stomach. They smiled briefly at one another while Eric took off with Kenny. Butters and Token came over near Stan and Bebe, Butters looking especially eager to talk.

“Hey, are you alright there, Stan?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. I just lost it there for a minute,” he admitted.

He was relieved to be with Butters and Token; they were definitely his closest friends outside of Wendy.

“What happened? We saw Wendy take off looking all upset and then we saw you and Eric over there, you know, smoochin’ and whatnot,” Butters went on in that awkward way of his. Bebe was eavesdropping.

Stan shrugged, “I screwed it all up with Wendy. We were fucking around. I told her it couldn’t go anywhere…I thought I was pretty clear that I can’t, you know, feel that way about her. I think she thought I could.”

“What were you doing messing around with her in the first place?” Token asked, genuinely confused about the whole thing.

Bebe was full on staring at them now, not bothering to pretend like she wasn’t listening. She was kind of a gossip, and Wendy was one of her very closest friends.

Stan put his hand to his forehead, a guilty look washing over his face, “I know. I know. It’s hands down one of the worst things I’ve ever done. It’s just that there’s no one here, you know? There’s _no one_ here that I even have a chance at being with. I was just so goddamn lonely. I just wanted someone to be close to. I should’ve never done it.”

Butters and Token nodded. Bebe touched his shoulder and squeezed it for a second.

“That’s understandable, Stan,” she offered.

He shuffled his weight a bit, “Maybe. But it was still a shit thing to do.”

Bebe made a face, acknowledging the truth of it.

“So, what’s the deal with Cartman then? What was _that_ all about?” Token asked, sounding pretty astonished.

“Goddamn you guys are so nosy…” Stan muttered as he pulled out his cigarettes.

He needed more nicotine if he was going to get through this night. He always smoked like a chimney when he was out socializing; it helped him avoid the drinking.

“Can you blame us? Nobody likes Cartman. Like, _no one_. And you, you’re like…like, if you were straight I’m pretty sure all of us girls would be on you in a second. What are you all worked up about that jerk for?” Bebe tried to justify their curiosity.

Stan raised his eyebrows, a little amused.

“Uh…I don’t know. Honestly, I don’t. I haven’t seen him in years or even talked him. Nothing. And then I saw him today and it was like…I don’t know…déjà vu or something. Like we’ve known each other all along and been together somewhere before. Like, I dunno, some alternate universe or something. It’s crazy. I can’t really explain it.”

Bebe just blinked at him, “yeah, but…it’s _Cartman_.”

Stan laughed, “trust me. I _know_. I remember what he was like when we were kids. But, he seems different now. I mean, the person I _think_ that I feel like I know who he is is different, anyway. God, that sounds nuts when I say it out loud.”

They all kind of laughed before Butters spoke up again, “well, he looked like he was pretty interested in you, too, whatever that’s worth. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him being so nice to anyone before as I just saw when you were so upset over there.”

Stan smiled a little at the thought, “true.”

Token was eyeing him, concern plain on his face, “you’ve got to keep that depression in check though, Stan. Are you doing anything on the bad days?”

Stan jostled his foot and bit his lower lip, “I’m trying. There’s not a whole hell of a lot that really helps. I just push through. Sometimes going outside helps. The band helps. Being around you guys helps, too.”

Token patted him on the back and smiled at him, “anytime you need us, we’re here.”

“Yeah, we’re always here for ya,” Butters agreed.

Stan smiled again and looked down at his feet, “I know. Thank you, guys.”

…

“What’s up Kenny?” Eric asked as they walked into the bar.

“I just wanted to see if you guys were okay…especially you,” he admitted.

They sat down at the barstools, managing to be in between bands so they could actually hear each other. They ordered a couple of drinks and settled into the barstools to talk once they’d gotten them.

“So, you alright then? That was pretty intense…” Kenny pushed.

Eric took a swig of his drink and set it down, scratching his head briefly before answering.

“I’m okay. I’m a little worried about Alexis. I hope we can be friends, but honestly, I’m mostly just really relieved. I’ve been wanting out of that for a while now.”

Kenny nodded at him. He understood what was happening to them, so he wasn’t going to prod too much. He was definitely relieved that he and Stan had at least started to find their way to each other. He was really hoping it would continue in that direction. Who knew, maybe it could be the thing that stopped all of the crazy shit that had been happening? He kind of hoped that if some of the things that had gone wrong when he’d shot Joe and time had reset were rectified the dying would calm down. Maybe he could at least go back to the way things used to be.

“Thanks for sticking around. I’m sure you guys both wanted to leave after that,” Kenny offered. He figured Eric didn’t want to be on the subject too long.

“Oh, yeah. Sure, Kenny. We didn’t want you hear without any of us. Seemed a little shitty.”

Kenny grinned, “well, yeah. But, you know, shit happens.”

Eric laughed, “that it does.”

A comfortable silence settled between them before Eric turned on his barstool and faced Kenny. That sort of direct posture was highly unusual for Eric, so Kenny abruptly gave him his full attention.

“What’s up?”

Eric tapped his hand nervously atop the bar, a conflicted look on his face.

“You know Stan better than I do. Is he, like, okay? That stuff he was saying earlier was pretty intense. How bad is it? The depression?”

Kenny took a sip of his beer and swallowed hard. He was one of the few who knew how bad it was, and he was the only one who knew it was so bad directly as a result of the deal he’d made with Joe last year. If only he had left things alone. It was so wrong the way his friends were suffering alongside him.

“It’s bad. He’s not been okay for about a year now. He was obviously not okay when he was drinking either, but now,” he paused, trying to find the right words, “you can see it. He used to hide it pretty well when he was sober. It would only come out when he was really drunk off his ass. He was a happy alcoholic until he reached a certain point, you know? That was when I first saw some of it. Now, though, I see it all of the time. The only time he lights up is on stage. He was acting way more upbeat tonight than I’ve seen him in a really, really long time.”

Eric considered what he’d said, a pit in his stomach. Maybe he should steer clear of him. This sounded like a tragedy waiting to happen.

“Eric…”

Cartman looked up at him, a thoroughly stressed out expression on his face.

“I think the reason he’s been better tonight is you.”

Eric sighed, rubbing his temple.

“We don’t even know each other anymore, Kenny. How could I be making a difference? He’s probably just trying to act right because it’s a party for you and Alley.”

“That might be some of it,” he acknowledged, “but, uh, I’ve gotta tell you…that kiss he gave you was definitely not the kind of kiss you give someone you don’t give a shit about.”

Eric stayed quiet, his stomach in knots. That kiss had been shockingly intense. It scared him how much he wanted more. He wanted so much more.

“God. I don’t know what the hell is happening to me,” he laughed, shaking his head, “I don’t understand this at all.”

Kenny felt more guilt welling up inside of him. He wanted to explain everything, but he realized it would sound nuts. They’d never known about his deaths. No one ever remembered when he died.

“Trust yourself. I think you two can help each other out.”

Eric eyed him, looking like he was really considering it.

“Yeah, thanks,” he said quietly, looking down at the bar and fidgeting with his hands.

Kenny felt so sorry for the whole thing. He could see Eric was really struggling with himself, as he often did when it came to attachments. He wished he could assure him it would be okay. The truth was, though, he had no idea what could happen next. He’d seen a lot as it was.

“Let’s go back out,” Eric said as he stood up, “I’m alright. You don’t need to spend the rest of the night worrying about me and Stan, Kenny. Let’s go get you back with your girl.”

Kenny smiled at him appreciatively. He should’ve been out there enjoying himself. It was just hard when he felt like everyone’s happiness was tied to his deaths. It made him feel like he held all of their fates in the palms of his hands; he wanted nothing more than to lay down that heavy burden. He couldn’t, though. He just couldn’t control it.

The two of them walked back outside and into a somewhat tense conversation between Stan and Clyde.

“Hey,” Eric said, walking up beside Stan and hovering close.

Kenny was on the other side of him, wrapping his arm around Alley as he tried to determine what they’d been talking about. Bebe was laughing hysterically, Stan looked irritated, and Clyde was blushing a little.

“What’s going on?” Eric asked, curious as to what the drama was now.

“This asshole is talking about how hot he thinks my mom is,” Stan explained, giving Clyde the most disgusted look he could manage.

Bebe continued to laugh. She thought the whole thing was hilariously awkward.

“What? She _is_ a little. She’s got that cute little haircut and a pretty hot body underneath all of those fluffy clothes she wears. I’m just sayin’…she’s cute. She’s a cute lady!”

“How do you know shit about my mom’s…” Stan cringed, “…goddamn it, you don’t know what my mom looks like, alright Clyde? Just stop it, it’s not cool. She’s old as shit. Leave her alone or I’ll kick your ass.”

“Relax, relax. I’m not going to lay a finger on your mom. Jesus,” Clyde was laughing.

Stan was grumbling under his breath as he pulled a toothpick out of his pocket and popped it into his mouth. He was definitely holding onto his last nerve this evening. It had been pretty much a shit show. Why did there always have to be so much drama at parties? It was, like, a rule or something. Once it got too late, things always got weird.

“Your dad is a jerk, though, Stan. You have to admit,” Clyde mused, taking a swig of his beer.

Stan raised his eyebrows and folded his arms across his chest.

“…so now you’re gonna talk shit on my dad, too? Cool, cool…”

He wasn’t being aggressive or anything. He was just a little shocked at the nerve of Clyde. He shouldn’t have been, though. Clyde had always been kind of dumb and inappropriate. It was kind of his thing.

“What? Like you like him? He’s a dick to you, too. I’ve seen the way he treats you.”

He pulled the toothpick from his mouth and stared at Clyde, his eyes wide and his eyebrows still raised, “dude. Enough. Yes, my dad’s a dick and you’re all hot for my mom. Whatever, Clyde. Stay away from her, though, I’m telling you. I will absolutely have to kick your ass if you screw around with my parents. They’re bad enough as it is. Christ. My dad would probably murder you if you did anything with my mom.”

“Do you think he’d care?” Clyde mused. 

He looked like he was actually considering sleeping with Sharon, which irked Stan all the more.

“Ugh, God…just…don’t. I’m telling you, don’t.”

“What’re you worried about? You think she might do it?”

Bebe laughed some more at how aggravated Stan looked; his eyes were practically bulging out of his head. Eric had to admit, he was pretty cute when he was getting fired up. It wasn’t like they were actually going to fight or anything. It was just banter.

“Oh my God, Clyde…quit it, man. That is too much!” Token hollered at him, though he was smiling and laughing, too.

Everyone was teasing, except for Clyde. He was kind of serious. He sipped on his drink and mulled around the thought. He was fairly buzzed, and he figured it was probably about time for him to settle down, drink some water, sober up, and head out. He had to admit, he was kind of hoping Sharon would come by the barn like he’d invited her to. He wanted to get back and see what might happen before it got too late.

“Alright, alright. I’m sorry. I’ve had too much. I’m gonna go have some water and get out of here.”

“Stay away from my mom, Clyde. I’m serious,” Stan warned him as Clyde walked over to Kenny.

He looked at him and offered him a sarcastic solute, “yes, yes. I won’t mess with your mom,” he said before turning his attention to Kenny, “Alright, man. This was fun. Thanks for inviting me. I’ll see you guys at the wedding. Congrats.”

Kenny and Alley each gave Clyde a hug and said their goodbyes before he disappeared into the bar to sober up. Stan shook his head.

“Fucking Donovan, the nerve…” Stan mumbled the rest under his breath and no one quite caught it.

Over the course of a couple more hours things were relatively tame. Everyone talked and caught up with each other. Eric and Stan mostly kept their distance, mingling and passing by one another here and there. Eric was watching Stan carefully for a lot of the night, trying to get a feel for what kind of person he’d become. It was always hard to tell who someone was in the context of a party, though. No one ever really acted like who they were in that type of setting. Stan did seem very charismatic, though. His body language was consistently casual and he was warm and welcoming with everyone. He remembered Stan being a natural introvert as a child, so he had to be putting on a face for the party. On the other hand, he did always remember him being caring; too caring, in fact. It wasn’t much of a surprise he felt the world was too heavy. He carried around too much empathy. That amount of love could crush a person. Maybe that was why he was so sad all of the time.

Eventually everyone started to wind down and seem tired. Stan looked absolutely spent, probably because he didn’t have any alcohol to keep him going like everyone else. Eric had stopped after the drink he’d had with Kenny. He wanted to be sober when it came time to leave. He wasn’t looking forward to showing up at home and having to explain to his mom why Alexis was gone. She’d seemed like she liked her so much. 

As time went on, people started to trickle out of the party. Butters and Token left, then Tweek and Craig, and then most of the girls. When it came down to just Kenny, Alley, Stan and Eric it was time to consider leaving.

“Well, I should probably get going,” Eric finally said. 

He’d been tired for hours, but he was glad that he’d stayed. It was interesting to watch Stan and it felt good to show up for his friends.

“Yeah, I should probably go, too,” Stan relented, scratching the back of his head.

He had charming little circles beneath his tired eyes; he was ready to sleep.

“You guys, this was a great time. I’m so glad you came,” Kenny said gratefully.

“Yes, and thank you for setting this all up, Stan. It was awesome. If you need some help tearing it all down tomorrow we can come help,” Alley offered.

“No, no. It’s alright. You guys sleep in and enjoy your time. I’m off work for the week anyway, I have nothing better to do.”

“Alright, well, we’ll see you,” Kenny said as he leaned in and gave Stan and Eric quick hugs; Alley followed suit.

“Goodnight you guys…congratulations. The wedding is going to be great,” Stan said as he started to head into the bar toward the parking lot.

“Yes, goodnight and congrats,” Eric added as he followed Stan.

Kenny and Alley both said goodnight before they settled into one of the couches. They looked like they might enjoy some time to themselves before taking off. Stan and Eric moved through the bar quickly and emerged out into the parking lot together. Stan headed over to his crappy car, hesitating for a moment. He pulled his keys out of his pocket and turned around to face Eric.

“Well, I guess this is goodnight then,” he said awkwardly, leaning against his car as casually as he could.

“Uh, yeah…I guess so,” Eric responded.

They stood there eyeing each other for a while, neither of them sure what they should do.

“Do you, uh…” Stan began and then lost his nerve.

Eric simply kept looking at him. He wanted to let him say whatever he wanted to say.

“…do you want to come to my place? Not, like, do anything. I know you said you want to take things slow. Just, um, you could come and stay if you wanted, that’s all.”

Eric smiled at him, which put Stan a little at ease. He looked toward where his car had been. Kyle had taken Alexis, and Eric suddenly regretted giving him a spare key for the trip. Eric laughed and raised his eyebrows, looking at the ground and shaking his head. Stan bit his lower lip as he waited for Eric to answer him.

“Alright, okay. Sure, why not? They took my car anyway…” he finally answered.

A huge smile was immediately on Stan’s face and Eric loved it. He wanted to make him smile more. It suited him. Stan went around to the driver’s side and got in. Eric watched as he leaned over and unlocked the passenger door manually. He sat down and got comfortable, noting that the car smelled strongly of cigarettes, but was also very clean on the inside.

“Your locks don’t work?” Eric asked.

“Oh, no. Not that one, anyway. The rest of them do.”

He started the car and headed toward his apartment. They were both quiet for a while, though Stan had his phone hooked up to the car playing music. It wasn’t anything Eric recognized, but it was similar to the kind of music he’d played on stage himself. Both of them were really nervous and uncertain of what they should do or say.

“So, uh, I have a couch that pulls into a bed if you want. I can set it up when we get there…?” Stan offered; he wasn’t sure what Eric would be comfortable with.

“That’s fine, if you want,” Eric replied, kind of putting the ball into Stan’s court.

He cleared his throat in response, “uh…are you asking me what I want?”

Eric shrugged, “I guess so.”

Stan’s cheeks reddened a bit, “ha…um…okay. Well, I mean…I want you to be comfortable. So, whatever you’re comfortable with.”

“What are my options?” Eric asked.

He was kind of enjoying getting Stan nervous. Not in a malicious way. He thought he was endearing and cute. Plus, he was definitely more comfortable being the less vulnerable of the two. He generally tried to keep the upper hand in most situations. It was just his way.

“Uh, pretty much the couch or, um, my bed. You _could_ sleep in my bed, uh, with me…um…you know, not like _sleeping_ with me, but, uh, ha, just sleeping. Going to sleep. In our clothes. In the bed,” Stan winced at his own awkwardness, narrowing his eyes. How fucking embarrassing.

Eric grinned at him. It really was cute how uncomfortable he was.

“Do you _want_ me to sleep in your bed, in my clothes, just to sleep?” he teased.

Stan bit his lip and smiled, glancing toward him and letting out a laugh, “yeah, kind of.”

“Alright then, I will. Do you have a t-shirt or something I can borrow? I’d rather not sleep in this button up. I didn’t exactly plan on staying with anybody.”

“Yeah, I’ve got lots of shirts.”

Eric eyed him. Stan was really thin and on the shorter side, and the shirt he had on now was really snug. Eric was fairly tall and husky.

“Do you have anything bigger than that? If that’s the way all of your shirts are, I don’t think they’ll fit me.”

“Yeah, I’ve got bigger shirts for sleeping in.”

Eric nodded as they pulling into the parking lot of Stan’s apartment complex. He drove around to a building near the back with a nice view of the mountains.

“Well, this is it,” Stan said as he unbuckled himself and got out, “do you mind locking that door for me?”

“Sure,” Eric responded as he hit the lock and got out.

He followed Stan up the sidewalk and a flight of stairs into his apartment. He looked around quietly as Stan entered and tossed his car keys onto a decorative plate on the kitchen countertop. There was a sizeable living room with sliding glass doors and what he assumed was an open view during the day. The furniture was old and probably given to him by his parents, but the apartment was clean and smelled like incense. There wasn’t really any clutter anywhere, which was very different from his own apartment with Kyle. The two of them could be real slobs when school got hectic.

Eric watched Stan quietly as he hung up his coat in a closet attached to the living room.

“Do you want me to hang yours?” he offered, turning to look at him.

“Yeah, sure. Thanks,” he said as he shed his jacket and handed it over.

Stan hung it up and shut the door. He turned to face Eric and slid his hands into the back pockets of his jeans.

“The apartment is nice,” Eric mused.

“Thanks. It’s way nicer than the dump I lived in before. Turns out I have, like, a lot more money when I’m not going to bars every night,” he somewhat joked.

They looked at each other awkwardly for a minute before Stan pivoted and headed toward his bedroom, an almost comically nervous look on his face, “I’ll grab you a shirt…”

Eric grinned and stepped a little further into the living room, peering into Stan’s bedroom curiously. It looked just as tidy as the rest of the place. At least he had it together enough to keep his surroundings clear. That was a good sign. He remembered when his mom was all drugged out and depressed their house was a fucking nightmare.

“Here you go. I’m gonna go change,” his cheeks were all red again.

Eric could tell he was super nervous. Truth be told, Eric was, too. He was just way better at pretending he wasn’t. Stan always did wear his emotions on his sleeve. That was part of the reason Eric hadn’t known what to do with him when they were younger. Kyle was always more familiar because he leaned into his rage a lot more than Stan, and rage was something Eric could understand. Stan, on the other hand, leaned into the entire spectrum of his emotions. It made him weary then. It made him weary now.

Eric waited for Stan to shut his bedroom door and then he went ahead and stripped down to his briefs and put on the shirt. He’d done a pretty good job of guessing his size. The shirt was a little more snug than he liked; he imagined it hung off of Stan when he wore it. It was fine enough, though.

He waited a few minutes after he’d finished, not wanting to walk in on Stan. Once he felt enough time had passed he knocked on the bedroom door. Stan opened it. He was wearing a black t-shirt and some jogger sweats. He had on socks, which Eric thought was funny. He couldn’t sleep in socks for the life of him.

“You sleep with your hair all gelled up like that?” Eric asked.

Stan laughed, “yeah, it’s fine. I just gets all smashed up at night and I look dumb in the morning. Be prepared.”

Stan moved around some pillows and pulled the covers back, “so, if you want to stay up you totally can. There’s a remote out there for the TV and everything, but I’m goddamn tired and I have to go to bed. All of that talking is fucking exhausting when you’re sober,” he laughed a little as he admitted it.

“I kind of figured. I’ll lay down. I’m tired, too.”

“Alright,” Stan said softly as he got comfortable.

Eric slid into the bed beside him. Stan was laying face up, and Eric wasn’t sure what he should do. He could see he was tense. He figured he would lay facing him and just wait for him to chill out.

Stan turned his head to look at him and there was enough moonlight coming in through the window that Eric could see him pretty well. Neither of them said anything, but Stan did eventually roll onto his side to face him. Eric smiled at him and reached out to brush his cheek with his hand. Stan reached up and grabbed his hand, holding on to it like he was going to fall off the edge of the Earth. Honestly, he felt like he just might. Eric scooted closer to him, touching his forehead to Stan’s. They were both breathing shallow and nervous, their heart beats quickening.

“Can I kiss you again?” Stan asked. He didn’t want to do anything Eric didn’t want.

“Yes.”

He bit his lip, a thing Eric realized he did quite often, and then leaned in and kissed him softly. Eric returned the favor and they carried on kissing slow and affectionate for a few moments. Once they stopped, they kept their foreheads touching together for a while longer, just a nervous breath between them both, before Stan slid down a bit and rested his head against Eric’s chest.

“I’ve been so fucking alone,” he said quietly.

Eric wrapped his arms around him and stroked the back of his head.

“You’re not alone anymore.”

They stayed that way until they fell into a deep, satisfying sleep.

…

“Uuggghhhh,” Alexis whined as her cell phone vibrated on the nightstand beside her.

She blinked her eyes and struggled to focus. Where was she? Oh, Right; Kyle’s house. 

The events of the night before came flooding back into her head immediately. Eric. Eric was gone. She felt her stomach lurch at the thought. She’d done her best to remain detached, and she _was_ excited about the chance she felt she now had with Kyle, but Eric had still managed to work his way beneath her skin. It was going to take her a minute to shake him off.

Her phone buzzed again. She reached out and snatched it from the nightstand. She was surprised she still had any life in it after crashing without her charger. All of her things were at Eric’s house. She was going to have to go over there and get her bag. She was also going to have to figure out where she was going to stay and whether or not she would be returning in the car. She considered just booking a flight and leaving now.

“Of course,” she muttered to herself as she realized her texts were from Liane.

She’d given Liane her number before they’d left for the party, and now her phone was flooded with concerned texts.

_Hey, are you two okay? You guys never came home last night?_

_Have you heard from Eric?_

_Are you guys alright?_

They went on like that for quite a while. Alexis sighed. They had taken the car, it wasn’t a for sure thing that he’d gone home with Stan, but she was fairly confident that was the likely scenario. She felt jealous and angry again. She really didn’t like Stan. She muttered curses under her breath as she quickly texted Liane.

_We are okay. Fell asleep at Kyle’s house. Couldn’t drive. We will see you later today._

She assumed Eric was fine, anyway. The best she could do was assure Liane it was alright. She texted back immediately.

_Alright, thank you!_

She sighed as she tossed her phone aside. She’d fallen asleep in her dress the night before. She was going to have to go over there and get her clothes. She stretched and yawned and tiptoed out of bed, peeking her head out the door to see if anyone else was awake. She heard noises downstairs and decided to go investigate. She was relieved to find Kyle the only one up, preparing some coffee in the kitchen.

“Hey,” she greeted him softly, rubbing her arm as she timidly walked in.

“Good morning…are you okay? How are you?” he immediately asked.

“I’m fine. I woke up to a million texts from Eric’s mom. I guess he never went home last night.”

“Well…we did kind of take his car,” Kyle offered.

She laughed, a small snort coming out, “we sure fucking did.”

“He kind of deserved it, though,” Kyle teased.

She let out another, less-snorty laugh, “ _kind of_? He definitely did.”

“Here,” Kyle said as he handed her a cup of coffee.

He grabbed his own and leaned back against the kitchen counter, “hey, so, I got a text from Kenny this morning. He asked me if I could meet up with him at some coffee shop. He said he had some things he wanted to ask me about. Do you want to come with me and then I’ll take you by Liane’s to get your things? You’re welcome to stay here for the trip if you want.”

“Uh, sure, that sounds fine. Thanks. I’m not entirely sure I’m going to stay for this wedding. Everything is so uncomfortable now. I really don’t think I want to be around Eric and Stan.”

“Oh, uh…I mean, yeah, I get that,” Kyle responded, disappointment obvious in his voice.

She smiled at him confidently before walking up close to him.

“I have like, horrible morning breath right now, so I’m not going to kiss you like that, but I just wanted to tell you…I’m going to kiss you. I’m definitely going to be kissing you.”

“Um, can I interest you in a toothbrush?” he immediately remarked, making her laugh.

“That would be great, thanks,” she teased as he set down his coffee.

She followed him back upstairs to a bathroom in the hallway. He rummaged around in the cabinets beneath the sink and found an unopened toothbrush.

“Here, get yourself ready. I’ll be downstairs.”

She smiled at him flirtatiously as he exited the bathroom and gave her some privacy. She took a pontytail holder from her wrist and put her hair up in a bun, brushed her teeth, showered, and then slid back into her dress from the night before. She didn’t have any of her makeup or anything, but she was a natural beauty anyway. She looked herself over in the mirror for a minute, preparing to go downstairs. She was going to make good on that kiss. She exhaled excitedly and then headed back downstairs.

Kyle was leaning against the counter, still sipping on his coffee and waiting. Once he saw her he set down his coffee and strode right up to her. She was taken aback by his assertiveness as he wrapped his arms around her waist, pulled her in, and kissed her very eagerly. She felt her stomach lighten as they really went at it for a while; it was fucking magic. Once they both separated and looked each other over they found themselves laughing with relief.

“God…I’ve been waiting a long fucking time to do that,” Kyle admitted.

She blushed a little, “me, too.”

They held onto each other, marveling at how nice it was to finally be able to touch. After a few moments they separated, downed a little coffee, and got into the car to go and meet Kenny. As they pulled up and parked alongside the street, they spotted Kenny sitting alone at a table outside. It was another warm, sunny morning so it looked pretty inviting. Kyle and Alexis strode over and had themselves a seat across from him.

“Hey, Kenny! How goes it?” Kyle greeted warmly.

“Hi! Good, good. How are you two this morning? Kind of a rough night…?”

Alexis waved casually to show it didn’t matter, “it’s fine.”

“Sorry we took off last night. It just seemed like the best thing to do given the circumstances,” Kyle offered.

“Oh, no worries. I understand,” Kenny assured, sipping out of a disposable cup.

“Hey, I’ll go in and grab us something…do you just want coffee?” Alexis asked.

“Oh, yeah, sure. Thank you. Just with some cream, no sugar,” Kyle replied, quickly fishing out some cash and handing it to her. She tried to refuse it, but he insisted so she relented.

“Alright,” she said as she stood up and went inside. She figured they might need a while to chat without her anyway.

Once she was in the building, Kyle leaned back and focused on Kenny, “so, what’s up? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. Everything’s fine. So, uh, this might seem a little weird but I kind of wanted to ask you about your sicknesses. I heard from Eric you’ve been having a bad year?”

“Oh, yeah. I’ve been sick a shit load this year. Actually, just yesterday I was, like, coughing and feverish and just feeling like crap. I took a nap in the afternoon and it just disappeared, though. I feel fine today.”

That got Kenny’s attention, “what time did you go to sleep?” he asked, a noticeable edge to his voice.

Kyle made a confused face. He couldn’t understand what on Earth Kenny wanted to know all of this for.

“Ummm, well, I think it was sometime between two and three maybe?”

Kenny felt sick. That was around when the truck had hit him. He started running through the deaths he’d had throughout the year in his head.

“When else did you get sick this year? Like, what months?”

Kyle was utterly confused about why Kenny wanted this useless information. He didn’t see any harm in sharing it, though, so he sat back and thought about it.

“Well, shit…it seems like about once a month. I was sick just before Hunnakah, then a couple of weeks later on New Year’s…I got kind of a break in February I think. I came down sick again in the spring, like late March. Then I think it was early May, and then most of this last week I was feeling like shit. It’s honestly been kicking my ass.”

Kenny ran those dates through his mind. Hannukah…he’d fallen through some ice and drowned when he was out walking atop a frozen lake. New Year’s he’d been in a car accident. March, he’d been struck by lightning in a sudden, unexpected storm. In May he’d been attacked by a massive free-roaming dog and ripped to shreds. Then of course there was the truck the day before. The dates…they seemed to coincide. Just like he’d suspected. They were still, somehow, linked. But what could he do about it? His heart was pounding in his chest as he processed the information.

“What do you want with all of this anyway, Kenny?” Kyle asked gently. He could see Kenny was kind of freaked out.

“Huh? Oh, I was just wondering.”

Kyle raised one of his eyebrows at him doubtfully. Before he could push the issue Alexis returned with their coffees. Kyle thanked her and sipped at it.

“Oh, shit…” Kenny said softly as he caught sight of someone out of the corner of his eye.

He hadn’t thought about it, but the coffee shop was right across the street from Stan’s apartment complex, and he saw him walking out of the parking lot. He had on a black t-shirt, skinny blue jeans, and his black vans. His hair was all gelled up and he had dark sunglasses on. Alexis and Kyle glanced over and spotted him, too.

“Jesus…” Alexis muttered under her breath, looking down into her lap.

“I’m sorry you guys…I didn’t think about it. He lives right there…” Kenny explained. Oops.

Stan briefly looked for traffic as he crossed the street, but his nose was otherwise buried into his phone. He didn’t notice them at all as he started to head into the coffee shop. Kyle was the first to say something.

“Hi, Stan…” he sounded so awkward.

Stan had his hand on the door as he looked up from his phone and quickly released it.

“Oh, hey guys…hi…” he said, obviously uncomfortable as he walked over and bumped fists with Kenny.

He stood their uneasily, jiggling his leg like he had the night before. He looked toward Alexis and spoke timidly.

“Hi.”

“What are you doing here?” Kenny asked.

“Oh, uh, my dad asked me to come and help him unload some shit out of his truck for this place. He sells to them. He’s getting too old to carry the crates and apparently Clyde was out of commission this morning, so here I am.”

Kenny winced a little, “oooh. That sucks. Sorry.”

“Yeah, yeah…” Stan let out a breath and scratched at the back of his head, laying his eyes on Kyle and Alexis, “my dad’s like, entirely out of control these days. Just to warn you. He’s a dick. He’s definitely going to say things that will make you cringe. Sorry in advance.”

Alexis shrugged and Kyle nodded. Kyle knew Randy had been getting worse; he’d heard from Kenny. Apparently, it was his favorite thing to do to berate and humiliate Stan in front of other people. Kenny said Stan had pretty thick skin about it, though.

“So, um, I got a shit load of texts from Eric’s mom this morning. Is he alright? Did he go home with you?” Alexis asked, irritation obvious in her voice.

Stan became visibly flustered, but he was measured when he spoke.

“Yes, he’s okay. He came home with me. Uh, I guess you guys took his car…?”

Kyle laughed to try and ease the tension, “yeah, we did. Where is he?”

“He was still asleep when I left.”

Kyle felt pretty rotten, stuck in the middle of Alexis and Stan. He could tell she really didn’t like him. He felt bad about what had happened, but it wasn’t enough to make him want to abandon Stan again. He’d already done him dirty enough. 

Stan, of course, being the people pleaser that he was, lifted his sunglasses and bent down to take Alexis’ hands into his own. His blue eyes were pleading and she felt kind of sick with jealousy and aggravation as he went on, “nothing happened. We just went to sleep. I’m so, so sorry about all of this. I really am…”

“Where did he sleep?” she interrupted.

He swallowed, squeezing her hands, “He slept in my bed with me. But nothing happened, I swear it. I’m not even, like persuasive enough to do that even if I’d wanted to. I haven’t, uh, well, it’s been like a few years since I’ve, like, you know, _been_ with anyone. Just…I’m not able to pull that off. I promise you, nothing happened.”

Christ he sounded like an idiot.

She eyed him before pulling her hands away, “I don’t care. Whatever.”

Kyle swallowed down some more jealousy. Obviously she was still frustrated about Eric. He found himself wondering how big of a problem that was going to be. Stan stood up and backed away from her. He could see that the last thing she wanted was for him to be in her face. He slid his sunglasses back down and tapped his foot.

“What are you guys doing, anyway?” he asked, addressing the rest of the group.

“Just shooting the shit,” Kyle explained.

He wasn’t really sure he should be honest about what Kenny was asking him about. He didn’t understand the purpose of it at all. Kenny was grateful for Kyle’s discretion.

“Cool,” Stan said quietly as they noticed Randy’s truck pulling up nearby.

Kenny’s stomach hit the floor. That truck! That was the one that had hit him yesterday! Did that mean something!?

The group watched quietly as Randy came tumbling out. He looked wasted. Stan sighed and looked down at his feet, knowing this was not going to be pleasant.

“Stan…!” Randy shouted out, elongating his name as he walked up and put his arm around him. He reeked of whiskey.

“Jesus, Dad…starting early, huh?” Stan grimaced as he waved his hand in front of his nose.

“Yeah, well, you used to do the same thing back when you weren’t a pussy,” he retorted.

Stan pushed his sunglasses up on his nose, “be nice. You asked me for a favor and I’m here. The least you could do is be just, like, a little bit less of an asshole.”

Randy looked his friends over, “Oh, hey! I know you guys! Hi there, Kyle! Look at you, all grown up. Hey…who’s this?” he asked as he ogled Alexis obnoxiously.

Her shoulders dropped as she folded her arms, doing her best to cover up her chest. His lustful gaze was very discomforting. He did seem like a really gross old man.

“This is my friend, Alexis,” Kyle offered, trying to ease the tension once more.

Stan’s arms were folded across his chest as he waited for his dad to say whatever grotesque thing he was going to say.

“Yeah, your friend. Alright,” he looked her over some more, “you see that, Stan? That’s what you should be doing with your time. Getting yourself a pretty girlfriend like that.”

Stan nodded and raised his eyebrows, shooting a knowing glance at Kenny, “aaaand there it is. Alright, Dad. Let’s go get your shit and get this over with.”

“It’s true, though, I mean…look at her! She’s beautiful,” he slurred his words as he obnoxiously carried on, “you should be having your way with someone like that, not putting dicks in your mouth. I know I would be all over her if I were you…”

Everyone at the table felt a little sick as his berating escalated.

“Jesus Christ, Dad…” Stan grumbled, “…you definitely would not be all over her if you were me, alright? Fucking knock it off and quit acting like a goddamn pervert. You can’t talk about her like that. Come on,” he insisted as he put his hand on Randy’s back and led him away from his friends.

Alexis looked mortified.

“Gross…what an asshole…” she said quietly, still trying to cover herself up.

Kenny and Kyle both nodded. He really was. Stan started lifting up big boxes full of jars. He picked up a stack that went to about the top of his head while his father just grabbed one box. Randy went ahead of him and Stan assumed he would get the door for him, but he let it start to shut behind him. Stan kicked out his foot in an effort to stop it, almost falling as the door frustratingly shut ahead of him.

“Goddamn it,” he muttered.

Kyle stood up and grabbed the door for him.

“Thanks…Christ, he’s such a goddamn asshole…” Stan continued to mumble as he entered the store.

Kyle looked around and found a large rock in a bed of bushes nearby and grabbed it to prop open the door.

“Ah, thanks Kyle!” Randy said enthusiastically as he walked out, “those crates are heavy!”

Kyle was kind of astonished at how he was either entirely ignorant of his behavior or really just wanted to torment Stan. Randy went back to the truck and retrieved another box. Stan followed and gathered another mountain of them. After that, Randy waltzed over to the group and had himself a seat. Everyone stared at him, desperately wishing he’d go away. Stan emerged from the store.

“Oh, no…no you don’t. Come on, get your ass up and help me.”

“I’m tired, Stan. There isn’t even that much there, you can do it.”

Stan shook his head as he blew off his dad. He was probably better off just making the two or three more trips on his own. Thankfully, Kyle stood up and decided to help him with the boxes. He wasn’t going to sit around with Randy, that was for sure.

Kenny and Alexis shifted uncomfortably in their seats. Once Stan and Kyle took a load inside Randy leaned forward, slurring his words. The whiskey on his breath was pungent, even outside.

“So, what do I have to do to get him with a girl like you, huh? I could pay you…”

Alexis winced. Jesus.

“Randy, knock it off,” Kenny warned. He had very little patience for Randy’s crap.

Randy shook his head, “I just don’t get it, that’s all I’m saying…and you know what I’ve been wondering?”

Alexis’s face was twisted in horror and disgust as she prepared herself for what he might say next.

“I’ve been wondering for a long time now what he does with this whole gay thing, right? Like, is he the person who does the fucking, or, you know, the _other_ guy.”

“Jesus Christ…” Kenny grumbled, rubbing his temple, “…does that fucking matter?”

“To me it does. You know what? I’m gonna ask him!”

“Don’t fucking ask him that,” Kenny warned, “do _not_ fucking ask him that.”

Goddamn it he was so hammered; he’d obviously completely lost his filter.

Randy waved his hand at him carelessly, but he sat back and shut his mouth. He looked like he was ready to pass out. Stan and Kyle unloaded and brought in the last of the boxes. Stan bought coffees for himself, Eric and Randy and carried it out on a tray. Kyle, Kenny and Alexis thought it was dreadfully sad to see him still trying to care for his dad while he was being so monstrous, but that was the kind of person Stan was.

“Here. Sober up. Do you need me to take you home?” he asked as he handed him the coffee.

“I don’t need shit from you, Stan. I’m fine,” he spat out, though he did accept the coffee.

“Alright,” Stan sighed, defeated as he sat down in a chair between Kenny and his father.

“Stan, I was just talking to your friends…”

“Randy, fucking don’t…” Kenny sounded like he wanted to punch him.

“Please, don’t,” Alexis pleaded; holy Christ this was unbearable.

Kyle had missed everything, so he was just sitting there blinking in horror, entirely unsure of what to expect.

Stan could tell he was about to level up with his antagonism, and his stomach felt tight as he braced himself.

“…no, no…seriously. I want to know.”

“Want to know what, Dad…?” Stan asked hesitantly.

“Well…you know…this whole gay phase you’re going through…”

“It’s not a phase, Dad. I’m just gay.”

“Yeah, well, so you say. But, I was just wondering, like…when you have these…encounters…who’s, uh…who’s the dude? Is it you?”

Stan lifted his sunglasses atop his hand and put his hands to his eyes, rubbing in aggravation and embarrassment as he struggled to figure out how to end this horrific goddamn conversation.

“Dad…I’m not going to discuss how I fuck people with you in front of my friends.”

“Oh, come on…just answer the question.”

Stan shook his head, his face entirely red with embarrassment, “Does it matter?”

Randy shrugged, “I don’t know. Maybe I could look you in the eye if you did the fucking, that’s all.”

Stan swallowed hard. Fuck. That hurt. Stan looked at him, a brokenness painfully obvious on his face as the harshness of that statement gripped them both. Randy pretended like it was nothing. Stan felt it like it was everything. He sounded so horribly defeated when he finally managed to answer, his eyes fixed onto the ground as he spoke.

“Go home, Dad. You don’t want to have this conversation with me, alright? You wouldn’t like it if I was honest with you.”

Randy eyed him, his face cold, “I guess that tells me enough. You’re such a goddamn disappointment. Jesus Christ. Call your mom. She won’t shut up about you. You should be calling her more,” he complained as he stood up and took his coffee, heading toward his truck, “you’re the only goddamn thing she ever talks about anymore.”

“Okay. Bye,” he said bluntly as he leaned back, pulled his phone out and rubbed at his temple, a horribly sad look on his face; he felt so fucking humiliated it was beyond words.

He kept his eyes locked onto his phone until he was sure Randy was in his truck. Everyone at the table was kind of shocked at how horrible that had been. Alexis found it ridiculously obvious why Stan was a depressive person after witnessing that. It was so fucking brutal. Kyle felt even more ashamed of himself that he’d abandoned Stan and left him in a situation like that. Randy had always been kind of a nut, but he’d gotten really fucking terrible now.

Kenny, on the other hand, was staring at the truck trying to figure out what the hell was going on. It was definitely Randy’s truck that had hit him the day before. He was trying to put a face to it, to remember if Randy had been the one driving. Did it even matter?

Once the truck was gone Stan visibly relaxed. He set his phone down and sighed, “I should probably go and let you guys catch up...”

“You should just invite Eric. We’re all going to have to see each other at the wedding anyway. Might as well get it over with,” Alexis interrupted, though her tone was kind of passive. 

She was nervous, and mortified about what had happened with Randy, and yet still so fucking furious with Stan all at once. She did really want to get it all out of the way, though.

“Uh, I don’t know. That’s probably not, like, the greatest idea…” Kyle interjected. 

He was already struggling enough watching her stew in her jealousy.

“I think it is. We might as well do this thing before the wedding, that way it’s all out there, right?” Alexis urged, “that’s who’s texting you isn’t it? Eric’s texting you?” she leaned forward, a frustrated look on her face.

He wasn’t entirely sure how to act around her. She was kind of aggressive and it made him very uneasy.

“I mean, that’s fine. If that’s what you want, I’ll ask him. I don’t know if he’ll come…”

“Ask him then,” she insisted as she sat back and folded her arms, “I need him to get my shit from his mom’s house. I shouldn’t have to go over there and explain to her that he’d rather be with you than me.”

A small part of him wanted to get snarky with her. This entire morning was really testing his patience. However, he chose to just bite his lip and keep his mouth shut as he shot off a text to Eric explaining the situation. He set his phone down and raised his eyebrows at her, “okay. Done.”

“Good,” she spat out. She couldn’t think of anything better to say.

She kept her arms folded across her chest and just stared out at the street, quietly fuming. Kyle and Kenny both glanced at each other uncomfortably as the tension continued to rise. At this point, Stan was starting to get really frustrated; between her and his father he felt pretty goddamn dumped on. He leaned forward, looking directly at her.

“You know…not to, like, overstep here, but it sounds to me like this has been coming for a while, regardless of me. Can you ease up a little?” he asked, obviously irritated.

“The hell do you know about us? You don’t even know Eric, let alone me. I don’t understand why the two of you seem to think you’re like in love or something after one goddamn night together.”

Stan pulled a toothpick out of his pocket and started to chew on it as he sat back into his chair. He really didn’t want to fight with her, so he figured he’d better just shut his mouth. This was between her and Cartman anyway.

“Are you sure we should all be together, like, right now? We could let this cool off for a day or two…” Kyle pleaded. He thought this whole thing was just asking for trouble.

A long silence passed as Eric emerged from the parking lot. He had on the t-shirt Stan had given him the night before. He’d had to tuck it into his jeans because it was too tight otherwise. It definitely looked really awkward on him. He checked the street before crossing and came up and had a seat between Alexis and Stan, saying begrudging hellos to everyone.

“What in the hell is up with that shirt?” Kenny immediately teased, a shit eating grin on his face.

Stan let out the cutest, high pitched little laugh as he stared at his phone, scrolling through his Twitter feed to distract himself from the unfolding situation.

“Well, it’s too goddamn hot for my button up and Stan’s goddamn clothes are too fucking small…Christ…I have to come out here looking like some kind of asshole in a porno...” he started ranting.

Stan kept laughing and looking at his phone, which Eric found wildly attractive. He wanted to keep him laughing, so he continued to rant and rave about Stan’s tiny hippie clothes while Kenny and Kyle laughed a little, too. Alexis, however, did not look amused.

“Hold on…” Stan suddenly said, a very fond look on his face as he stood up and touched Eric’s shoulder briefly.

He headed into the coffee shop as a silence settled over the rest of them. Eric’s eyes settled on Alexis. With Stan gone, she felt her anger starting to subside. She was more forgiving of Eric for the whole thing, which really didn’t make any actual sense. She couldn’t help it, though. Stan was definitely the target of her anger.

“I’m sorry, Alexis,” he said gently, “are you alright?”

She unfolded her arms and relaxed her body, “yes. I am. Can you please get my stuff from your mom’s house and drop it at Kyle’s? I’m going to stay there for the rest of the week.”

Eric nodded, “yes. I can do that. I kind of need my car, though.”

“Yeah, that’s fine. I can borrow one of my parents’ cars for the week,” Kyle offered.

“Okay. So, uh, are you two a thing now or what?” Eric asked awkwardly.

Alexis and Kyle looked at each other. They didn’t really know what they were doing. Eric picked up on it.

“Well, if you are it’s okay. It doesn’t bother me. You don’t have to hide it or whatever.”

Alexis felt a pang of guilt. She wished she could feel that way about whatever was going on between him and Stan. She just couldn’t; not yet, anyway. Just then, Stan came out of the store with a medium sized t-shirt emblazoned with the coffee shop’s logo. He tossed it at Eric, “here. They give us free merch because they like my dad’s shit so much.”

“Thanks!” Eric said enthusiastically, honestly very grateful to get out of his stupid tiny shirt.

Stan pulled out his phone and scratched at his head, keeping his eyes fixed on it as Eric quickly changed his shirt. He didn’t want to stare at him in front of Alexis, so he just avoided looking at him all together. She noticed his discomfort and it still pissed her off anyway.

“So, uh, are we all going to be cool for this wedding then?” Eric asked as he handed the small shirt back to Stan.

He took it and hung it over the arm of his chair, setting his phone down and looking around at everyone.

“We have to be,” Stan finally said, “we can’t be fighting at the wedding. I don’t know about you guys, but I can promise you I’m not going to act like goddamn child the way my dad does.”

Alexis had folded her arms again. She looked around at everyone, realizing this was mostly on her. She sighed.

“Listen, I really, really don’t like you. Just looking at you makes me want to punch you in your stupid pretty-boy face, but I can be civil at this wedding and hopefully I’ll never have to see you again,” she replied, her eyes locked on Stan.

“Fine by me,” Stan affirmed as he sat back and had a sip of his coffee. He rested his elbow on the arm of his chair and dropped his sunglasses back over his eyes as he looked around the table, “so, that’s settled then?”

“It’s settled,” she replied.

…

Sharon was outside, the sounds of birds chirping all around her. There was a nice breeze that helped to ease her nerves as she hovered just outside the door of Clyde’s barn. Randy had left her to deliver some goods, apparently meeting up with Stan. Normally she would go with him to help keep him off of Stan’s back, but he’d left before she’d finished getting ready. No matter. She’d wanted to be left alone anyway.

She fluffed up the back of her hair and kind of adjusted the dress she’d put on, lifting everything up and trying to make it seem like gravity and children hadn’t had their way with her body over the years. What business did she have coming out to this barn? She was behaving like a child. She sighed and started to turn away from the door, though she was surprised when she heard it opening up behind her. She shut her eyes and bit her lip before turning slowly to see Clyde. He was standing there in his jeans, shirtless. Jesus Christ he was gorgeous.

“Uhhh…hi,” she said awkwardly.

“Hi there,” he replied, an amused look on his face, “I thought I saw someone out here.”

She realized there was an open window near the front door. She squinted a bit, frustrated with herself. She was in it now.

“Um, yes…haha…sorry. I, uh…”

“I know why you’re here,” Clyde said confidently.

She clasped her hands in front of her, looking around nervously, “you do?”

“Mmmhhhmm.”

She nodded, “okay…um…and…?” she kind of tipped her body forward as she asked; it was fucking adorable.

“…and I’m into it. Come on in,” he said as he stepped aside and tilted his head, indicating his desire for her to come inside.

She let out a surprised laugh and hesitantly stepped inside. He shut the door quietly behind him. She looked around the barn for a minute. It was really cozy, all just one big room, aside from the bathroom that went off the main living space. He had a large bed with soft white Christmas lights strung up all over the place. It smelled like weed and cologne, which made her heart beat quicken. It was like she’d stepped into a college dorm, which kind of excited her. What was she doing here?

“So, uh…should we, like, have some tea or something first?” he asked, not sure if she wanted to just get right down to it.

She faced him and smiled warmly, “no, I don’t think so.”

He smiled confidently at her and walked up, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her in close.

“Alright then,” he said as he leaned in and kissed her, unzipping the back of her dress.

There was no going back now.


	6. Better Off Wasted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kyle and Alexis level with each other.
> 
> Wendy asks Alexis to accompany her as she has a more in depth conversation with Stan. 
> 
> Stan cracks under the increasing pressure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More angst & character development. The plot will begin to move forward here very soon.

They all took off from the coffee shop pretty quickly after Stan and Alexis agreed to a truce. Stan had to go back to the bar and take down the decorations he’d put up from the night before, which gave him a while to sit back and just think about all of the shit that had happened over the last twenty-four hours. It was an awful lot, and his mind kept going back to Wendy. He felt sick as he tried to decide whether or not they were going to be okay. Could they be friends still? How strongly had she felt for him? Was there still a band? He really didn’t want to replace her. Part of the reason the band was so good was because of the chemistry between them both on and off stage.

He also found his mind drifting to Cartman. What even was that? Sure, he didn’t exactly hate Cartman when they were kids. For the most part, Kyle and Cartman butted heads as children, not so much he and Stan. Kyle was always really firm in his beliefs and his sense of right and wrong. Stan had been a little more flexible when it came to morality and, even though he’d found his moral center as a young adult, he still figured he wasn’t as tightly wound as Kyle. All of that to say, sometimes when they were kids he did go along with Cartman both willingly and with gusto. Sometimes the two of them would be at odds with Kyle and, in those moments, even as a child, he could remember feeling a closeness there. This attraction he was feeling wasn’t entirely out of nowhere. It was just that the intensity of it had caught him off guard.

He felt a little sick as he worked and tried to sort out all of the sudden, intense conflicts in his life. He was having a bad morning, depression wise. The interactions with his dad and Alexis certainly did nothing to boost his mood. Even with Eric there, he’d woken up feeling a little despaired. It was going to be a bad mental health day; there was just no way around it. He wished so badly he could just have one drink and let some of it go for a while.

He found himself gritting his teeth and clenching his jaw as he worked. He just had to get through today. Maybe tomorrow would be better.

…

Kenny offered to drive Kyle and Alexis home from the coffee shop since they’d relinquished the car back to Eric. They’d gratefully accepted and piled into his hatchback.

“So, uh, why were you asking about me getting sick and stuff anyway?”

Kenny shrugged as he started the car and pulled away from the curb, “it’s kind of hard to explain. I just needed to know.”

Kyle eyed him for a minute before shrugging to himself and watching the road ahead of them quietly. Kenny decided to elaborate.

“Listen, I know it doesn’t make sense, and what I’m about to say won’t make any sense to you either, but just hear me out…”

Alexis was leaning back in her seat, staring at the ceiling and listening to the two of them.

“…your getting sick kind of correlates with something I’ve got going on in my life. I can’t really explain it, and it won’t make sense anyway, but it does and I’m just trying to figure it out. The other thing is, this thing with Stan and Eric, they can’t help it. Trust me, they really can’t. All of the problems that you guys are having…your sicknesses…Stan’s depression…Eric’s intimacy issues…I think they’re all connected to this thing that’s happening with me.”

Kyle stared at him, utterly dumbfounded, “dude…what the hell are you talking about? What’s going on with you?”

Alexis lifted her head. She was definitely paying more attention to the conversation. He was talking kind of strange and it had her wondering if any of Kyle’s friends were sane. They all seemed really broken.

“I can’t tell you. You won’t understand, but just…dude, you know me. Okay? Just trust me. I’m trying to figure it out. I have to find a way for us all to be okay…”

Kyle interrupted, “Kenny, I don’t know what’s going on with you, but I do know you and I know that sometimes you just get too serious about shit, okay? Yeah, we’ve all got our problems, but they’re not your problems to fix. I see doctors and they help me out. My getting sick is just one of those random things. It’s okay, dude. I’m not going to, like, die or anything.”

Kenny winced. If only he knew.

“And Stan? Stan’s always been depressed. You’re not to blame for that. His dad drug their whole family out to that stupid farm when we were kids and that’s when he really lost it. Randy got weirder, his mom got angrier, and Stan lost himself in a bottle. It happens. He’s not drinking anymore, at least. He’ll be fine. Again, not on you, Kenny. Eric is fine, too. He’s got his issues, but overall I don’t think he’s doing too bad. He’s doing well in school, he’s got goals and works hard toward them, and he definitely isn’t the same racist piece of shit he was as a kid. Do I wish he could actually settle down and love someone? Of course. That would be great for him. But for now, that just doesn’t seem like it’s a thing he can do. There’s nothing you can do about this stuff, Kenny. We are all responsible for our own lives. Just focus on you and Alley. That’s what matters.”

Kenny didn’t say anything as he continued to drive. He wished so badly he could explain, but he knew he would sound like he belonged in an institution, so he kept it to himself. Alexis leaned forward and spoke abruptly.

“Eric used to be a racist…?”

The air immediately lightened between everyone as Kyle and Kenny both laughed for a minute.

“You don’t even know the half of it…” Kyle replied.

They told her a few stories about some of the more prolific incidents from their childhood. She looked a little mortified as Kyle told her about the time Cartman started his ‘Passion of the Christ’ fan club, along with a few other pretty horrendous events from the past. It wasn’t long before they had arrived at Kyle’s house. They thanked Kenny for the ride and got out. Before shutting the door, Kyle leaned in and addressed Kenny once more.

“Seriously, Kenny. Don’t worry about us. We’re all adults. We’re gonna be alright.”

Kenny smiled half-heartedly at him, “yeah, I don’t know why I said that stuff. You’re right.”

Platitudes.

Kyle smiled at him, trying to reassure him, before closing the door and watching him drive off. Alexis stood beside him quietly. She could tell he was a little upset about the stuff Kenny had said.

“Do you think he’s okay? That stuff he said was a little strange.”

“I don’t know. It was really weird, right? Should I say something to Alley, do you think?”

“I don’t know,” she replied, wishing she had some answers for him.

Kyle stared out at the street, a troubled look on his face.

“What would you do if it were your friend?” he asked her, his green eyes piercing.

She considered it for a moment.

“I would tell her, if he were my friend. He sounded crazy.”

Kyle nodded in agreement, “should I do it before or after the wedding? I don’t want to ruin it for them…it’s only two days away.”

“I think he’ll be okay for the next couple of days. Tell her after.”

“Yeah, okay,” he replied, shifting his gaze to the ground.

A long silence passed between the two of them before Kyle spoke again.

“Alexis…I know you’re really hurt. I’m sorry about what happened to you last night, that was awful, but…the thing is…I think I’m in love with you. I’m sorry. It probably isn’t, like, the right time to tell you that, but…well…there it is.”

Alexis smiled warmly at him as she gently grabbed his hand.

“I think I love you, too, Kyle.”

He smiled and looked back down at the ground. They stayed that way for a few minutes before Alexis’s phone started dinging with text messages. She pulled it from her purse, surprised to see a number she didn’t recognize.

_Hey, sorry to bother you. This is Wendy. I got your number from Alley this morning. I have a favor to ask you._

Alexis quickly started to text back, intrigued.

_What’s up?_

Kyle leaned over and kind of tried to peek at her phone. Alexis smirked at him.

“It’s Wendy, nosey.”

“Wendy? What’s she texting you for?”

Alexis shrugged, “I don’t know. She said she has a favor to ask of me.”

“Oh,” he said bluntly, putting his hands into his pockets and waiting around.

Her phone dinged again.

_I really need to talk to Stan, but I don’t want to be alone with him. I don’t trust myself that it won’t get physical. I would normally ask Alley, but I already feel so bad about all of that drama last night. Would you come with me to his apartment? I just have to ask him some things._

Alexis grimaced.

“What is it?” Kyle asked her.

Alexis looked a little stressed as she answered, “she wants me to take her to Stan’s. She doesn’t want to talk to him alone.”

“Oooh…shit, you don’t have to do that…”

“I know I don’t have to…” she answered.

“But…?” Kyle prodded. He could tell there was a ‘but’.

Alexis groaned, irritated that she was even considering it, “uuugggghhhh…I felt really sorry for her last night.”

Kyle nodded. She was very caring with people, as much as she tried not to let anyone on to it. It was one of the things he admired about her most. He never really understood what had drawn her to someone like Eric in the first place. Sure, he’d come a long way since he was a kid, but he was still not exactly the most morally sound person, nor did he often go out of his way for others.

“Well, can you handle it?”

Alexis stared at her phone for a moment. Could she? She wasn’t so sure.

“I won’t fight with him, if that’s what you mean. I would rather _not_ be there, obviously, but…ugh, I just feel so sorry for her. I should go.”

Kyle nodded, not saying a thing. He didn’t want to suggest she do one thing or another. He was conflicted about the whole thing with Stan. On the one hand, Stan had been his absolute best friend for so much of his life, but on the other he had been a part of this thing that really hurt the woman he was falling in love with. It led to a complicated pile of feelings.

“You can use my dad’s car. Come on, let’s go in and let my parents know we need it.”

Alexis shot Wendy a text, agreeing to take her, and followed Kyle into the house. Kyle sort of explained the situation to his parents and they agreed to let the two of them use the car as much as they wanted while they were in town. Alexis thanked them, took the keys, and went out to the little white Prius in their driveway, heading towards the address Wendy had texted her. The time alone in the car actually felt kind of nice. She rolled down the window and let her arm hang off of the side of it while she drove, the fresh air doing wonders for her stress. Like everything in South Park, though, Wendy’s house wasn’t far and she’d arrived pretty fast. Wendy was already waiting out in front of her house, and she quickly got into the car, an anxious look on her face.

“Hi, Wendy…” Alexis greeted her, sounding concerned.

Wendy’s face was pale and she had dark circles under her eyes. She was obviously having a really difficult time.

“Hi,” she said meekly.

Alexis knew that the apartment complex was across from that coffee shop, so she typed the address to it into her phone.

“Do you know which apartment is his?” she asked.

“Yes. I’ll tell you how to get there.”

“I know most of the way, I was at the coffee shop across the street this morning. I just don’t know where in the complex.”

Wendy nodded, “Okay. I know where he lives. I’ve been in his apartment lots and lots of times.”

Alexis nodded. She wasn’t entirely sure what she was walking into here, but it sounded like there was a lot more baggage between them than it had originally looked. The drive was mostly quiet and once they got into the apartment complex Wendy guided her to Stan’s building and they parked.

“No car. He isn’t here,” Wendy sighed as Alexis shut off the car.

“Oh…uh…what do you want to do then?”

Wendy leaned her head back and stared at the ceiling, frustrated, “let’s just wait on the curb. He probably went to go clean up the bar. I know he isn’t working and I know he won’t be away from home long. He wastes most of his time in that apartment whenever he isn’t working or playing music.”

“Okay,” Alexis responded as they got out of the car and sat on the curb beside it.

Another long silence passed between them while Alexis marveled at how warm and breezy it was outside. The air was lighter than it was in California and she found herself enjoying it. After a while, though, she heard some sniffling coming from Wendy, so she turned her attention to her. A few tears were sliding down her cheeks. Alexis didn’t say anything as she put her arm around her new friend and rubbed her shoulder reassuringly.

“I’m so in love with him…” Wendy said softly, wiping the tears away. She was struggling to hold it all in.

Alexis nodded, “I could see that yesterday.”

“I’ve been in love with him since high school. I haven’t been able to let him go.”

Alexis quietly considered what she was saying.

“Maybe you shouldn’t be spending so much time with him anymore, Wendy. It’s hard to get over someone if you don’t have any space from them.”

“I know,” Wendy admitted, “but, it’s just hard and confusing. Like…we’ve had sex, like, a lot. Not in the last year or so, but he and I have a really long history. And the thing is, I know he says he’s gay and I don’t doubt that he is, but he was able to be with me and it was, like, good. He was good in bed and he never had any trouble or anything. He knew what he was doing and it just, like, how could he be that way with me and not be into me? I just don’t understand.”

Alexis looked at Wendy sympathetically, “when did the sex stop?”

Wendy shuffled her feet a bit.

“It stopped when he got sober.”

Alexis nodded. That was probably the answer to all of her questions right there, but she didn’t want to say as much. She figured she would have to work it out with Stan when he arrived. Wendy sniffled and wiped at her face as she continued.

“I guess as soon as he got his life together he decided he didn’t need me like that anymore.”

“Listen, Wendy, I don’t know you or Stan too well, but I can certainly tell you that when I saw the two of you last night it looks like there’s an awful lot of love between you both. I don’t think he doesn’t want you in his life.”

Wendy let out a frustrated laugh, her voice sounding angry, “yeah, he wants me in his life alright. He wants me in his band and he wants to make out with me and give me orgasms, but he doesn’t want to be with me. He wants a friend with benefits and I can’t be that.”

Alexis nodded, “well, then…my suggestion is you break this off.”

“I think that’s what I came here to do.”

Another silence passed between them as Stan’s car rounded the corner. He looked really tired as he parked a few spaces over from them. They stood up as he exited the car. He had his sunglasses on so it was difficult to see what his reaction was, but he walked right over to Wendy; this time, however, he noticeably did not touch her.

“Hey…”

“Hey,” she responded flatly.

He had his keys in his hand, twirling them around nervously in his fingers. He looked at her knowingly before gesturing toward the stairs, “come on…I’ll let you in.”

They followed him up the stairs and into the apartment. Alexis awkwardly made her way into the living room and sat down on the couch. She wasn’t sure exactly what she should do, other than just be quiet and let them talk. She assumed Wendy wanted her within earshot in case she was needed. She felt a pit in her stomach, though. She really didn’t want to be a fly on the wall for this conversation at all.

Stan had a few barstools over against the counter. He had a seat in the center and took off his sunglasses before reaching over and pulling out the stool beside him. He sat facing Wendy as she settled into the chair.

“So…what is it?” he asked, sounding really exhausted.

Alexis couldn’t help but feel a little bad for him. He was having a hell of a day.

“I just…I need to know more. What were we doing, Stan? Where do we go from here?”

Stan cleared his throat, “I don’t know, Wendy. What do you want? What can I do?”

“Well…for starters, why did we ever do any of this? Why did we spend years sleeping together, and then why did it stop? Why did you come to me this last year, after all of the withdrawal and everything? Why did you…” her voice was wavering, very unsteady, “…why did you have to be like that with me? It meant something to me, Stan. I can’t be as intimate as we are and not feel something.”

Stan nodded, staring at the ground for a minute. He wasn’t sure where to start.

“I slept with you when we were younger because I didn’t have it all figured out. I knew that my parents were happy about me being with you, and I knew that it was what everyone expected of me. I felt like it was okay because you and I were so close, and I felt really comfortable having sex with you. We were so young when we started all of that Wendy…I just didn’t really have it all figured out. I was falling in love with Kyle, but I also really cared about you and I liked you. It was just a really confusing, crazy time in my life and you were the one thing that was constant.”

“But you _seemed_ into it. There were never any problems. How did you manage that?”

Stan had his hands clasped in his lap as he leaned forward, bopping his leg up and down as he quietly spoke. He wished Alexis wasn’t there, but he figured Wendy brought her for a reason so he didn’t say anything about it.

“I know. I was. It was still nice to be with you. I was still really, um, on a physical level it was fine. I can do that. I can compartmentalize things like that, but I just…I can’t get beyond that, Wendy. I’m really sorry. I’ve never had romantic feelings for any woman, ever. I had crushes on boys in school and growing up that was just the way it stayed.”

A tear fell down Wendy’s cheek as she sniffled a bit, “did you have sex with anyone else when we were together?”

He nodded. He was too tired to try and be anything outside of honest with her at this point.

“Yes. I did.”

“A man…?”

“Yes.”

She looked away from him, shutting her eyes and letting more tears fall.

“Was it more than once?”

“No, just once. It was right before we split, and it was why I wanted to break up with you.”

She nodded and wiped at her face, some of the pieces coming together for her now, “so, uh…just to be clear, you aren’t bisexual?”

Stan bit his lip and shook his head apologetically, “no, Wendy. I’m so sorry. I’m not. If I could love you, you are exactly the person I would want. You’re smart, you’re kind, you’re funny, you’re beautiful, and you see things the way I do, too. You’re my best friend and I love you and I trust you more than anyone else in the world. Is there _anything_ I can do here to fix this? Please, I will do literally anything.”

Some more tears started to fall down her face as her breath grew rapid and she struggled to speak. She was pretty overtaken with grief and unable to hide the fact that she needed to cry hard. Her voice was very pitchy as she tried to speak through it.

“No Stan. I don’t think…I don’t think I can be around you anymore. I love you. I’m in love with you. I have been for so long and…it’s like…I can’t breathe. I can’t think. I can’t eat or sleep. This just has to stop. I can’t have you in my life anymore. It just hurts too much to be around you.”

She kept wiping the tears off of her face, trying so hard to hold it in. Stan was still bopping his leg and staring at the ground. He swallowed, trying his best to hold back his own tears. He was doing just as terrible a job as she was. He sniffled a little and wiped his face before he spoke, his voice wavering quite a bit.

“I’m so sorry, Wendy. I’m so sorry I wrecked this. I didn’t ever mean to hurt you.”

She looked at him, her eyes wide and hurting.

“But you did.”

He finally met her eyes and it made him feel sick. She quickly got up and practically ran out of the apartment. Stan put his hand to his head and cried as quietly as he could. Alexis timidly stood up from the couch. She felt so horrible seeing them both hurting like that. As much as she felt like she hated Stan’s guts, she was too compassionate to just leave. She walked up to him and put her arms around him, gently placing her hand on the back of his head. He immediately let out a sob and wrapped his arms around her, crying into her shoulder for a couple of minutes. She spotted a box of tissues right along the wall beside him, so she reached over and grabbed it, yanking a few out and handing them to him. He wiped off his face, calmer but still sniffling and letting out involuntary gasps of air.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re going to be okay,” she offered, placing her hands on his shoulders, “don’t fall down into a pit of despair, alright?”

He looked at her quizzically.

“Why are you being so nice to me?”

She eyed him for a minute, “because you’re a person and you’re hurting. What other reason do I need?”

He nodded at her, totally taken aback, “okay. Thank you.”

She gave him a quick, assertive nod, patted his shoulders and then walked out of the apartment to check on Wendy.

…

Eric had gone straight home to get Alexis’s things for her after the coffee shop. It felt good to be alone and away from everyone for a little while. His mom didn’t ask him any questions, but she did look sad when she realized he was grabbing her stuff. They didn’t need to talk about it, and he appreciated that she left him alone about it. Normally she would smother him about things like that, but she seemed to sense it wasn’t time. He wasn’t prepared to explain the whole thing to her. He wasn’t sure he ever would be. How could he? He didn’t even really understand it himself.

At some point, he had laid down on his bed and taken a nap after he’d gotten her stuff ready to go and had repeated, vivid nightmares. Nightmares where he and Stan went way too far way too fast; where Kyle had cancer and died alone in a hospital bed; where Kenny was missing and no one could find him. It was strange and so very real feeling, each and every dream. He’d awoken when he’d heard his phone buzzing on the nightstand beside him, but his head was heavy and incredibly fuzzy. It took him quite some time to get enough of it shaken off that he could make sense of his surroundings. He looked at the clock on the nightstand. It was already 5 pm; he’d slept most of the day away. His phone buzzed again, demanding his attention.

He blinked and reached for it, still fairly groggy. There were a few jumbled texts from Stan. They didn’t make sense and he felt an urgent, immediate panic in his chest. Words were misspelled and the sentences didn’t really say anything.

“Oh no…goddamn it, Stan,” Eric mumbled as he realized something was wrong. Was he drunk?

He dialed Stan’s number and there was no answer. He tried a handful more times before his panic really started to increase. He quickly located Kyle’s number and called him.

“Come on, pick up…” he whispered to himself.

_“Hello?”_

“Kyle, have you heard from Stan?”

_“No. Alexis was over there with Wendy a couple of hours ago. Why? What’s going on?”_

What? Why the fuck would Alexis go to Stan’s with Wendy? He shook his head. That didn’t matter right now.

“I got these incoherent text messages from him while I was asleep and now he won’t answer his phone. I called him a few times and he won’t pick up. Was he alright earlier?”

There was a pause on the other end of the line.

“Kyle…was he okay earlier?”

_“I don’t know. Alexis said that Wendy basically went over there and told him she didn’t want to see him anymore…”_

“Shit…” Eric spat out, “…shit, we have to drive over there. Does anyone have a key for his place?”

_“I don’t know…maybe his parents? I’ll come and get you. Call his mom.”_

“Okay…shit…shit…”

Eric quickly hung up and found the number for Stan’s childhood house. Hopefully they still had a landline, because he sure as shit didn’t have their cell phone numbers. Thankfully, when he dialed the number the phone rang.

…

Sharon was milling about the kitchen nervously. She couldn’t believe she had gone out there and slept with Clyde this morning. What was she thinking? She felt like she could puke as she tried to put the thought out of her mind. Randy was on the couch, sleeping off the whiskey he’d had earlier; snoring like a beast. She was so mad at him for putting her in this position. Why did he have to be such a shitty husband that she felt the need to go and sleep with someone else? She hated him so much for what their marriage had become. The person he used to be felt so far away, she could hardly remember a time when they were happy.

She gritted her teeth as she stewed in her frustration. Suddenly, the phone rang out in the living room. She let it go for a minute, wondering if Randy might actually get off of his ass and get it.

“Sharon…Sharon! Phone!” he hollered out as he rolled over and put a couch pillow over his head.

She narrowed her eyes at him before marching angrily into the living room and snatching the phone off of the wall.

“Hello?”

_“Mrs. Marsh…this is Eric Cartman, I don’t know if you remember me…”_

“Oh, yes…hi, Eric.”

How could anyone ever forget him?

_“Mrs. Marsh…Stan sent me some weird texts just a little while ago and they didn’t really make any sense. I’m not sure what he was trying to say…he won’t answer his phone now…I’m worried he might have been drinking…”_

Sharon’s stomach just about hit the floor. Oh no.

_“…me and Kyle Broflovski are going to drive over there but neither of us have a key. Do you have one? Can you meet us over there?”_

“Yes…yes…go there now. I’m on my way,” she spat out, hanging up the phone abruptly and running to grab her purse.

“Randy…Randy…that was Stan’s friend. He said he thinks Stan’s been drinking. I have to go and let them into his apartment.”

Randy sat up immediately, catching Sharon off guard. Oh Christ…those awful things he’d said when he was so drunk earlier.

“What?” he asked, a genuine look of shock on his face.

Sharon eyed him for a minute, “come with me. He might not be in a good way.”

Randy didn’t say another word as he got up off of the couch and slid into his shoes. Fuck. Why had he said those things? He hadn’t meant them. He was upset about Stan being gay and everything, but he still loved him. He was his only son. He didn’t want him to spiral out again. Why did he have to keep getting hammered and acting out like he did? He knew it made him cruel. As they loaded up into his truck and headed toward Stan’s apartment, he felt like he hated himself more than anything in the world.

…

Eric ran out of the house, shouting a quick explanation out to his mom on his way out the door. Kyle and Alexis were waiting in the driveway for him. He hurried over to the car and plopped into the back. They quickly sped off toward Stan’s apartment.

“Alexis…what happened?” Eric asked, leaning forward so he could hear her.

“Wendy asked me to go over there with her so she could talk to him. She basically broke off their friendship and it was a really tough conversation. He was upset when we left…I didn’t know what to do. I tried to make him feel better before I left. I told him not to get too down about it…shit…I’m so sorry, maybe I should’ve asked one of you guys to go over there with him.”

Eric touched her shoulder to try and reassure her before he turned his attention to Kyle, “Do you know how bad this gets?”

“I don’t know. Kenny told me he’s blacked out a few times…I don’t know if he’s ever drank enough to get alcohol poisoning or anything like that. Are you sure he’s drunk?”

“Yes. The texts he sent me weren’t right. I think he’s hammered. He couldn’t even make a sentence.”

A quiet settled over the three of them as Kyle drove fast across town. He flew into the parking lot and parked beside Stan’s car. He was still there.

“Let’s go see if the apartment is unlocked,” Eric insisted as they all got out of the car.

Cartman was ahead of the other two as he ran up the stairs. He tried the door, but it was locked. He started pounding on it.

“Stan! Stan! Hey, it’s Eric and Kyle…let us in!” he hollered.

“Stan! Let us in!” Kyle cried out, too.

They both pounded on the door and called out to him for a minute or two before giving up. All they could do was wait for Sharon. It was only five minutes or so before Randy’s truck sped into the parking lot and screeched to a halt. Sharon and Randy ran out and everyone stood back as Sharon’s visibly trembling hands unlocked the door. She was terrified as to what she was going to find. 

They all piled in, relieved to see Stan asleep on the couch. The place looked fine, but there was bottle of whiskey on the coffee table with an impressive amount missing. Sharon went straight to him and gently touched his face. There was no vomit. They all watched as she checked to see if he was breathing. He was, but it was slow and concerning.

“Oh, Stanley…Stan, honey…come on, sit up,” she said, a heart wrenching sadness to her voice. She’d thought they were past this.

“Stan…come on, wake up kiddo…” Randy urged gently.

Eric, Kyle and Alexis couldn’t help but feel aggravated with Randy. He did seem genuinely concerned and fatherly in the moment, but they’d all seen the way he’d humiliated him earlier. He had a lot of responsibility in this whole mess.

He grabbed his son under his armpits and kind of sat him up. He opened his eyes a bit and let out an especially frustrated groan.

“Dad…? Ah, fuck. Leave me alone…”

“Hey, Stan…hey. Are you okay?”

Sharon hurried past the stunned group of friends and grabbed a pot out of the kitchen. She’d been through this enough times to know what to expect. She fetched a bottle of water as well and walked over to her sad, sorry son.

“Have some water…” she urged.

“Ugh…no…” he protested, waving his arm at her.

“Drink it, Stanley,” she said more firmly.

He kind of rolled his eyes and grabbed the water bottle, taking a drink that was far beyond what his stomach could take. Almost as quickly as he’d gotten it down he threw it up. Sharon had known he would, so she thrust the pot into his arms as he did so. He vomited up a really sizeable amount of liquid and then dry heaved desperately for a long time, gasping for air and whimpering in between.

“Aaaah…goddamn it…” he whined.

“Stan…why did you do this? You’ve been doing so good?” Sharon pleaded, brushing some of his black hair away from his face.

He sat back. He didn’t look like he was going to die or anything; he just looked really fucking drunk.

“Because there’s no goddamn point,” he sounded really agitated and his voice was raising in pitch, “I got my shit together…for what? So I can live in this apartment alone forever? There’s no one living around here I can seriously date. I’ve only been able to fuck around with these old closeted assholes who don’t want to leave their wives. They just fucking use me and discard me, and it’s fine because I’m just using them, too. I fucked things up with Wendy, and she’s the only goddamn person who bothered to stick around with me after all of my friends fucking dropped me like I never even mattered. All that leaves me with is you two assholes and dad fucking hates me. He told me this morning that he can’t even look at me…I mean…why? What in the fuck even is the point of being alive at all, let alone fucking sober through this bullshit!?”

He’d raised his volume to the point he was nearly yelling at them; he looked like he was on the brink of a nervous breakdown. Sharon felt sick as she shot Randy a hateful look.

“Goddamn it, Randy…why do you have to be like that to him!? What happened this morning?” she shouted.

Randy backed away from the two of them, feeling horribly sick. He’d really fucked up this morning. Really, really badly. After a moment of taking in the sorry state of things, he decided it would be best if he just went outside and let them be. He stepped out of the apartment, but hovered just outside the door, waiting for his wife to get everything settled. He had no business being in there.

Stan looked like shit. He was still wearing the clothes he’d had on in the morning, even his shoes. His hair had softened and fallen forward just above his eyes, and he had dark circles beneath them. His skin was pale and he looked really fragile. Eric walked over beside Sharon. Stan hadn’t yet noticed his friends, and he suddenly looked horribly embarrassed as he took in the rest of the room.

“Ah, fuck… why’re you here?” he asked, putting his hands to his temples.

“You sent me a bunch of weird texts…do you remember?”

Stan looked up at him, utterly confused, “I did?”

“Yeah, we were worried about you so we came.”

Sharon watched, really surprised at the change in Stan’s demeanor with Eric; he’d immediately softened. She remembered him being excited about seeing him before they’d arrived, but there was clearly something about him that Stan valued enough to calm down. She decided to sit quietly and see what Eric could do.

“Oh…God…I’m sorry…” Stan apologized.

“It’s okay. It’s a slip up. This happens a lot. Don’t beat the shit out of yourself for it. Here’s what’s going to happen, okay? You’re going to drink some water, and you’re going to eat some of that vegan bullshit you have in your kitchen, and then you’re going to sleep; and when you wake up, I’m going to be here, okay? You’re going to feel like shit tomorrow, but you’ll be sober again, and I’ll be here with you. You are going to start fresh and leave this behind you, okay?”

Stan nodded at him, reaching out and grasping onto his arms, “you’re going to stay here?”

“Yes. I’m going to stay here.”

“I won’t be alone in here…?”

“No, you won’t be alone.”

Stan squinted his eyes at him a little, trying to decide if he was going to acquiesce or not.

“You’re doing what I said, hippie,” Eric warned.

“What? Hey…no. You’re not gonna tell me what I’m gonna do…” Stan started to argue. He couldn’t help it. He hated being told what to do, and Eric felt like he was pushing the same kinds of buttons he used to as a kid.

“Stan, seriously, shhhh. You’re going to do what I said,” Eric insisted, but this time he put his hands on Stan’s face and gave him a quick, affectionate kiss. He didn’t care that he’d been hammered and barfing. He knew if he kissed him he’d do whatever he wanted.

Sharon was a little surprised; she definitely hadn’t pictured Eric Cartman as someone who could potentially be a partner for her son. She had to admit, though, she was impressed with how well he was handling the situation.

“Okay,” Stan relented.

Sharon handed him the water bottle back, and he sipped on it slower, managing to keep it down. Eric stood up and went into the kitchen, grabbing a loaf of bread out of the cabinet and handing Stan a piece. He quietly choked down what he could.

“I think you guys can take off. Thanks for getting me here; I thought this might be worse,” Eric admitted as he approached Kyle and Alexis, talking quietly.

“Yeah, well…thankfully it wasn’t,” Kyle sighed, still saddened by the state of his old friend.

Alexis grasped his hand as the two of them whispered some hushed goodbyes at Eric and exited the apartment. They both ignored Randy on their way out; a lot of this was his fault and Kyle was furious with him for it. Alexis was, too. The more she saw of what Stan went through, the less she found herself able to hate him. It had been a really intense couple of days, especially for him.

Once Stan was fed and kept some water down, Eric moved him into his bed. Stan had some trouble walking into the room, and when he got to the bed he just collapsed into it. Eric put the blanket over him and made sure he was asleep on his side before leaving the room to rejoin Sharon.

“Thank you, Eric. That was…you really knew how to handle that.”

“Yeah, for sure,” he replied.

Sharon looked around, her face all twisted up with anxiety and worry.

“Mrs. Marsh…he’s gonna be fine. This happens a lot with people who are addicted to things. It’s a lapse. I’m around; I’ll help him get past this. My mom was a druggie, so I know how this whole thing goes.”

Sharon offered him a sad smile, “I know. It’s still awful.”

Eric nodded in agreement.

“I’m glad he has you, Eric. Thank you for this…it means more than you know,” she insisted as she gathered up her purse, “I should go. I’m sure he’d rather have you here in the morning than me.”

Eric smiled toward her as she touched his shoulder and looked at him briefly, a troubled expression on her face before she dropped her arm and left the apartment. Randy followed her.

“Is he okay?” he asked.

“Fuck off, Randy,” was all she could manage.

The rest of their way home was filled with a tense, rage-filled silence.


	7. Everything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stan and Eric get to know each other better.  
> Things feel like they're escalating to Kenny as he experiences more odd time bends.  
> Sharon stews in her rage toward Randy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm super happy with the way this chapter shaped up. More back story on Eric and Stan. More romantic sweetness. Oh, & sex ;)

There was a physical wobbling all around him, like the world was folding in on itself. Sound wavered, and his vision faltered. What was it? What did it mean? He stared forward, sensations washing over his body in waves: a sudden ache in the bones; a stabbing pain the back of the head; a sharp and biting cold in his veins. Would he black out? His heart felt like it had stopped, but then it would just start to pound relentlessly. Adrenaline. Panic. Fight. Flight. Run! Fucking run!

“Aaaah!” Kenny cried out as he slammed his hands over his ears, “Aaaaaahhhhhh!!!” he screamed louder as he bent forward, giving it everything he had.

“STOP! STOP! STOOOOPPP!” he continued to scream.

And just like that, it passed. The world was suddenly quiet as snow fell gently around him, muting everything. He was alone, the only person who’d dared go out in the sudden, unexpected snow storm. The weather was freakish, an ominous warning from his familiar home town. South Park had a way of letting you know when something big was coming, and he could feel it in his chest. Something big was barreling toward them all.

Things were falling apart. Kyle had called to tell him Stan got drunk…so lonely. So fucking hopeless. He was getting worse. What did it _mean_? Were they connected, too? Kyle wasn’t sick, but this wobbling…these moments of intense pain and the way time seemed to bend and crush everything around him. What was it? Why was it happening? What could he do to escape whatever was coming for them? He breathed heavily, terrified. Would he even make it to his wedding day? Would his friends make it?

He let out another frustrated scream, dropping to his knees and slamming his fists into the snow. His shoulders shook violently as he cried hysterically.

“What do you want from me!? What did I ever do to deserve this!? Just fucking take me already!!!!!” he sobbed.

“Just let me die…” he said, this time soft and entirely out of energy.

Deep down he knew no one was listening. Whatever was coming, he had to deal with it alone. He always had to deal with it alone.

…

Eric woke up before Stan. He’d taken a quick shower and dressed himself in his clothes from the night before. He brewed some coffee afterwards and watched out the sliding glass doors as the now fell gently outside. It had been so relentlessly hot the day before. How the hell was it snowing? It was the middle of summer. It was strange and unsettling, though he couldn’t articulate why. 

After some time had passed, he heard the shower start up; Stan was finally awake. He noted the time: 10 am. A very late morning after a terrible evening. He looked down at his coffee, questioning himself about everything he was getting into. He knew Stan was a mess. He could tell there was a lot of potential for heartache if he pursued this any further. And yet, he just kept showing up. Stan was occupying more and more of his thoughts at a rate that left him dizzy. It was getting harder and harder not to touch him…not to taste his lips, not to hold him, not to do all of the things he wanted to do to with his hands and his mouth and all of the rest him. He felt intoxicated around him. He wanted him more than he’d ever wanted anyone or anything in his entire life and it left him hollow and mortified all at once. As he thought about it, he realized his hands were shaking. He was so scared. He was so enticed. It was so fucking confusing.

He quickly walked over to the couch and set his coffee down, folding his arms across his chest to try and stop his hands from trembling. His body was betraying him. He felt like he had no control, and it was enormously frustrating. Eric Cartman was always in control. He controlled himself. He controlled others. How could this be happening to him? What the hell was this? He swallowed hard as he heard the shower shut off. Stan would be out soon. The thought of it made his stomach hurt so profoundly he could practically feel his heartbeat at the bottom of it. He leaned forward and bounced his legs nervously as he waited. It wasn’t especially long before he heard timid footsteps coming from the bedroom.

He looked up and took in the sight of him. He looked far more casual than he’d yet seen him, wearing some joggers and a white shirt beneath a small black hoodie. He did gel his hair up, which Eric figured was for his benefit. He must’ve been exhausted, and he had to be really hung over. He didn’t say anything as he went straight for the kitchen to grab some coffee. Eric watched him intently as he finally approached him and sat down, going out of his way to avoid eye contact. Eric could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he looked at him. He was so broken. He was so vulnerable. Eric found it difficult to resist.

“I’m so goddamn ashamed,” Stan quietly admitted, setting his coffee down on the table.

He leaned forward onto his legs and put his head into his hands.

“Stan…”

“Eric…” he cut him off, lifting his head and forcing himself to make eye contact.

“…today would’ve been one full year of sobriety for me. I felt the pressure of that, you know? And then the thing with my dad and Wendy…and you…I just…I feel really, really fucked up right now.”

Eric nodded, “It’s okay, Stan. So you screwed up. It happens a lot. Don’t let it knock you off your ass. Just start over. Keep pushing through it.”

Stan didn’t say anything for a while as he looked down at his hands. He looked utterly defeated. Eric’s body was screaming at him to touch him, but he kept his distance.

“Stan…what’s been going on? I heard you say some of it last night, I don’t know if you remember, but…what have you been through? What’s happened since Kyle and I left?”

“I remember what I said. I didn’t notice you guys were here. I wouldn’t have said it.”

Eric reached out and touched his arm, causing Stan to look at him again.

“Why? Why wouldn’t you say it? You’ve got to talk to someone, don’t you?”

Stan let out a frustrated sigh, putting his hand to his head briefly before dropping it down onto his lap.

“Because, it’s fucking sad and embarrassing the dumb shit I’ve done, that’s why.”

“I’ve done dumb shit, too,” Eric offered, “like…I can’t judge you for whatever it is you’ve done to try and cope.”

Stan looked skeptical. He wanted to share, kind of, but he didn’t want to be first. Eric always seemed like he held onto the power when it came to their dynamic, and he wanted him to lay it down.

“Tell me about you first. Then I might _consider_ telling you about me.”

Eric knew what he was doing, and it made him tense. He didn’t want to be vulnerable. He didn’t want to drop his guard. But…he wanted Stan. He wanted Stan so badly that he decided to do it anyway, despite his enormous reservations.

“Okay. Fine. But this stays between us, alright?”

Stan leaned back into the couch, his eyes focused on Eric, “I won’t tell anyone else.”

Eric leaned back as well, looking up toward the ceiling as he hesitated. Shit. This was hard. How did people talk like this? It was all so distressing. He kept his eyes focused on the ceiling as he just kind of spat it out, unable to look at Stan.

“I fuck people and I eat too goddamn much when I can’t deal. I absolutely do _not_ sit with my problems or try to understand my feelings about things. That is not something I want to do, so I don’t. I’ve had sex with so many women I’ve honestly lost count. I don’t develop relationships with them. Sometimes I don’t even make sure they get off. Alexis was an anomaly. She’s different, I guess, so I kept her around. She’s a really great friend, she’s fucking ballsy and in your face and I really like that about her…and she was down to keep our relationship open. Honestly, being with her didn’t slow down the hookups all that much. She even joined in sometimes; we’ve had a few threesomes or whatever. It’s all very…uh…well, it isn’t healthy. I mean, like, I get that. I do. It’s just…you know, it’s a whole lot easier than dealing with the things I don’t want to deal with. Okay? So that’s my shit. There it is. I’m a total fucking asshole, just like I’ve always been.”

Stan just sat there, looking at him quietly. Eric could feel his eyes on him and it made him want to crawl out of his skin. He waited for an agonizing moment before turning his head to look at him.

“So, will you please tell me _your_ shit now? ”

Stan quietly nodded, his eyes still fixed on him. Eric wished so badly he could tell what he thought about all of that. Did it turn him off to him? Fuck, he really hoped not.

Stan turned his head and looked down at his lap as he decided to spill some of it. He also couldn’t manage to look at Eric as he did so. It was too difficult.

“Um, well…the thing with Wendy obviously. We dated for a long time and everything, but the sex was off and on for years and years. She was the only person I was with for most of that time…I did cheat on her when the opportunity came, though. I was barely eighteen and Shelley invited me to go this dinner party at her college professor’s house. He was one of those eccentric assholes who liked to get his students over so he could elevate their minds or some bullshit like that, but I think he was really just a predatory piece of shit who wanted to fuck his students. 

Anyway, I could tell my sister was pretty into him, but over the course of the night it got really obvious he wanted to fuck around with me. He gave us all drinks and everything, even me when he knew I was so young, and I was all about it. He was really fucking attractive and I was just into it. I’d known for a while I was gay, I just hadn’t been with anyone yet, so I was just easy for him to pin down. I asked him to, like, give me a tour of the house and he took me straight to his room and just fucking went after me. It was really intense…I thought maybe we would just like blow each other or something, but he wanted to actually like fuck me and I let him. It was fine, I guess. Not exactly what I wanted at the time, but I didn’t tell him not to or anything, so…you know. Anyway, he and I hooked up for a while, but he was married and he also wanted to fuck lots of other dumb young people just like me, so we knocked it off after a few months I guess. He was the reason I broke up with Wendy; I just felt too bad about it.

Wendy and I were back and forth for a while in between there, too. I guess it was about another year of all of that, and I broke it off again. I told her I was gay and she seemed to understand, so we just fell into a nice friendship there for a while. We had sex once in a while when we were feeling lonely, but we both kept telling ourselves it was just to get by when we had no one else. I was drinking a lot…like a _lot_ back then. 

Anyway, you know, Butters and I work together so I hung around him every once in a while and then eventually I got to know his parents. That wound up getting weird when Stephen started, like, texting me and stuff. We started hanging out and he’d give me beer, too, so I went along with it. It wasn’t as shit as it had been with Shelley’s professor, but obviously we shouldn’t have been fucking around. He was nice, though, and he never tried to do anything with me I didn’t want to do. I spent the better part of that year having an affair with him. He wasn’t going to leave his wife though, and I obviously didn’t ever want Butters to know, so it didn’t work but it was fun while it lasted. I actually liked him and he’s pretty good looking for how old he is. Anyway…that’s me. That’s what I’ve been through. I think you know all the rest. I haven’t slept with anyone since all of that bullshit because there just isn’t anyone around and I don’t want to keep being used by conflicted people who feel trapped in their fucked up marriages.”

His voice kind of trailed off there. Eric gathered that was about the end of it.

“I guess we’re both pretty fucked up, aren’t we?” Eric offered, trying to lighten the mood a little.

Stan gave him a smile with so much sadness behind it he thought he might break.

“You’re not an asshole, Eric. At least you aren’t seriously hurting anyone when you hook up with random people. I’ve really hurt people. I’ve really, really hurt people.”

Eric eyed him, wishing he could carry some of his sadness. 

“It’s okay, Stan. You were young. You weren’t sure of yourself. It’s a lot to sort out. It’s not like you set out to hurt anybody.”

“Maybe, but I’m not so sure that matters in the end.”

Eric reached out and touched his chin, gently nudging him so they could look at each other. He sat forward and scooted a little closer to him, “I think it matters. I think you’re…” he hesitated. 

Were there even really words for what he thought of him? No. There definitely weren’t. His voice fell from his throat in a light gasp, a little frustrated.

“…God, Stan…I really want you…” he finally relented.

Stan’s wide blue eyes searched him over quietly for a moment.

“You do?”

Eric nodded his head, “yeah…I really, really fucking do,” he said as he slid his hand to the back of his head and locked him into a really needy, intense kiss.

Stan instantly responded, wrapping his arms around Eric’s neck and kissing him fervently. Their breathing quickly escalated as Eric laid him down onto his back, settling between his legs. Stan wrapped his legs around him as they kissed hard and unremittingly. They separated as Eric pulled Stan’s shirt and sweater off. He looked up at him, those charming blue eyes full of want. Eric quickly removed his own shirt and dropped back down to kiss him some more. As Stan slid his hand beneath Eric’s pants they stopped, pressing their foreheads together and staring at one another. Eric let out a few whimpers between his rapid breaths before kissing him some more. He gently pushed Stan’s hand away and sat up again, entirely out breath as he looked down at Stan. They stared at each other for a moment before they both quickly stripped out of the rest of their clothes and fell back into each other, full of desperation. Eric knew he wanted him to take the lead and dominate him, and he was happy to do so. There was a lot of heavy breathing, and kissing and touching and just all out neediness for each other as Eric spat into his hand and penetrated him. It was desperate, full of gasping and disbelief, as both of them had sex in such a way that, for the first time in either of their lives, it felt more like love than self-contempt. It was emotional, heartbreaking, and beautiful. They’d finally found it; the thing they’d both been searching for. It was everything. It was absolutely everything.

…

Sharon had gone back out to the barn. The sex had been fucking fantastic, all the more sweet because she knew it was the most hurtful thing she could do to her asshole husband. She couldn’t help herself; not after what had happened with Stan the night before. She didn’t even care that Randy was back up in the main house. She didn’t give a flying fuck if he knew what she was doing with this handsome, far too young man he was employing. He’d been mentally wrecking her and their children for so long. She felt a horrible mix of shame for not putting a stop to it and rage for the position in which she’d been placed. When they were young he had been sweet and charming and idealistic. Actually, he’d been an awful lot like Stan. How he’d grown into the selfish, immature, self-destructive, lazy man she found herself with was beyond her. She fucking hated him. She really, really did.

She felt her jaw growing tight as she stewed in her rage, pulling the covers from Clyde’s bed up to her chin, staring off into the distance.

“Are you okay?” Clyde asked as he returned to the bed and sat beside her, placing his hand on her arm and rubbing affectionately.

She looked toward him and did her best to give him a smile. He couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. Even when she smiled she looked sad.

“Hey, why don’t we go somewhere” he suddenly offered, wanting to cheer her up.

“Like where? We can’t be seen together out in town.”

He shrugged, “I don’t know. Maybe we could just go for a walk in the woods or something? You know, get some fresh air?”

Sharon looked him over, a calm and quiet expression on her face.

“Can we stay here for now? Maybe we can go out later…”

Clyde smiled at her and rubbed her arm some more, “alright.”

She fully intended to spend the day in the barn with him. She didn’t want to be anywhere near Randy. No. She’d rather spend her day fucking and relaxing than fighting with that stupid, stupid man. She could forget her troubles out here for a while and ignore the fact that Randy was probably up in the house drinking himself into oblivion and conjuring up hurtful things to say to anyone who crossed his path. She was better off here for now. Trouble would find her soon anyway. Trouble never really did seem to wander too far.


	8. Jumpers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eric helps Stan take a big step toward maintaining his future sobriety and considers what he wants for himself.
> 
> Kyle and Alexis move forward with their relationship.
> 
> Kenny has a confession for Alley.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of the last developmental chapter before everything starts to come together. I will be posting the chapter that really drives the plot next, and I'm hoping to have it up by this evening. I hope you're enjoying the story still! It gets pretty fast paced from here.

Eric and Stan spent most of the rest of their day alternating between talking, watching TV, making out and having sex. Stan was pretty hung over, so the rest in between was helpful, but neither of them could manage to keep their hands off of each other for very long. As the evening approached and the snow continued to fall outside, Eric realized he was going to have to go home. He needed fresh clothes and he’d spent next to no time with his mother since he’d gotten there. Tomorrow was the rehearsal dinner and the following morning was the wedding. He knew he had to spend at least a little time with her before he went back to California.

“I have to go home, you know…” he said quietly.

He and Stan were both laying on the couch beneath a blanket, Stan’s head resting against his chest. The TV was on but neither of them were paying any attention to it. Stan let out a little sound of acknowledgment. He was really drowsy laying there like that, and he still felt groggy and a little nauseated. He was doing his best to act like the hangover wasn’t that bad, but it definitely was.

“I haven’t spent any time with my mom…and I have to go back to California in a few days.”

Stan continued to lay there, quietly considering his words. He would be leaving soon. What did that mean for them?

“I know. It’s okay…go see your mom. I’m really tired anyway,” Stan encouraged him, sounding half asleep.

Eric continued to lay there, his arms wrapped around Stan’s small frame. He didn’t want to be apart from him. The question of California seemed to hang in the air between them as they both did their best to push it out of their minds for now. It didn’t seem like there was any real way to actually work that, and it was something Eric especially didn’t want to confront. It felt inevitable that this thing with Stan was going to be fleeting. Eric couldn’t leave school. Stan had a job, an apartment, and his band. Would they be able to figure something out in that mess? Neither of them really knew.

“Come stay with me at my mom’s.”

Stan quietly smiled, his eyes still closed. He was so tired he could fall asleep right then and there, but he could hear the sincerity in Eric’s voice. He really wanted him to come.

“Okay, let me just pack up some stuff,” he replied, touching Eric’s chest with his hand affectionately before forcing himself to sit up. He stretched and made his way into his room to pack an overnight bag. He grabbed something to sleep in, some toiletries, and a nice outfit for the rehearsal dinner they were set to attend tomorrow. Once he’d finished, he rejoined Eric in the living room.

“I texted my mom, she said she’s going to have dinner going for us. I let her know you’re a pussy vegan,” he teased.

Stan let out a laugh, “um…thanks, I guess?” he said as he slid into his shoes and grabbed his keys and wallet from the kitchen countertop.

“So, I’m yet again without my car…” Eric pointed out, “…Kyle drove me over here last night.”

Stan nodded. He really didn’t want to drive, being as hung over as he was. Eric picked up on it.

“I can drive if you want?”

“Yes, please. I’ve got a headache,” he admitted, sounding relieved.

“Well, take an ibuprofen, hippie,” Eric insisted as he made his way into the kitchen, “where do you keep it?”

“I’ll get it…” he waved his arms at him. He didn’t want Eric taking so much care of him. He was fine.

Eric stood back and watched as Stan found the painkillers and filled up a glass of water to down them. As he let his eyes wander around the kitchen, a thought occurred to him. He was very cautious as he spoke.

“Hey…Stan?”

“Hmmm?” he asked as he looked toward him.

“That whiskey you drank last night…was that already here or did you go out and buy it yesterday?”

Stan shifted uncomfortably, “It was already here.”

Eric nodded. He figured as much. His mom used to keep some ‘back up’ whenever she tried to quit the junk.

“Do you have more?” he prodded carefully.

Stan looked down and cleared his throat, “yeah. I have a little more.”

“Where is it? Can we dump it? You shouldn’t have it here. It puts you in a shit position when you’re upset like you were yesterday.”

Stan stood there quietly for a moment, considering it. He knew Eric was right. If he hadn’t had it in the apartment already he probably wouldn’t have drank. He tapped his hand on the counter before grabbing one of his barstools and sliding it over to the pantry. He climbed atop it and reached far into the back of the highest shelf. He pulled out two more bottles of whiskey and brought them over to Eric. They each unscrewed the caps and dumped them down the sink in unison. It felt pretty good to see it all go down the drain. Once they were finished, they set the bottles down and Stan let out a liberated sigh.

“Is that all of it?”

“Yeah, that’s it.”

“Okay,” Eric sounded relieved as he pulled Stan in for a hug, kissing the top of his head affectionately. The product in his hair smelled really nice and it kind of made him want to have him all over again. They had already been at it too much as it was, though, and he had to get home to his mom, so he swallowed his desire and separated from Stan.

“Alright, let’s get going.”

Stan grabbed his duffel bag and, just as they were heading out the door, he spoke up.

“Cartman…”

Eric turned to look at him, stopping in the doorway. Stan bit his lip in that frustratingly sexy way of his.

“…Thank you.”

Eric’s eyes softened, “you’re welcome, Stan.”

…

The Broflovski household had been pretty lively throughout the evening. They’d had a friendly, chatty dinner and Alexis found herself a little enamored with his family. They were delightful. They were warm and loving and boisterous, even; the kind of home she’d longed for as a child. She had to admit, she was already feeling less and less bothered about Eric and Stan. Kyle was a better fit for her. He had the kind of family she wanted to be a part of, and he was so handsome in an effortless way that Eric simply wasn’t. He possessed a really natural, authentic charisma. He was stubborn, strong, and compassionate at the same time. She was rapidly falling in love with him now that the barrier she’d put in place for Eric had come tumbling down. As it was looking, Eric’s betrayal was shaping up to be one of the best things that had ever happened to her.

After dinner they’d all helped clean up, watched a funny movie together, and then his parents headed off to bed. She and Kyle had stayed up with Ike for a while. Ike was still in high school, but he wasn’t a stereotypical sullen kid. He was very chatty, open, super smart, and he seemed genuinely full of joy. She was so impressed with what a delight his family seemed to be; it made him all the more attractive to her. After spending a while with Ike, they decided they’d better get some rest. The wedding festivities were set to start tomorrow and they wanted to be well rested for the fun. As Alexis made her way into Kyle’s room she stopped and reached for his hand.

“Don’t sleep in Ike’s room tonight…” she said quietly, desire obvious in her eyes.

Kyle squeezed her hand and silently entered his room, shutting the door behind him.

“Are you sure?” he asked as he leaned against the door.

She was wearing an over sized long sleeve over a pair of leggings, her chocolate brown hair flowing down her back. He thought she was breathtaking. 

They’d stopped by Liane’s on the way home from Stan’s the night before and gathered her things. Thankfully, Eric had already packed them so the interaction wasn’t especially long. She had expressed her regret that things hadn’t worked out between them, but it was obvious she didn’t have a clue as to why. It hadn’t really bothered her, though. She was just happy to have her things and be in her own clothes; wearing clean clothes did wonders for her self-esteem.

“I’m sure,” she said warmly as she pressed her body up against his.

He didn’t say anything more as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her affectionately. It wasn’t desperate, or needy, or anything overly dramatic. It was slow, calm, and measured as they melted into each other. She backed up near the bed, pulling him along gently by the shirt. Once she bumped into the mattress they separated and slipped out of their clothes, each of them looking the other over.

“You’re so beautiful,” Kyle said, a warm smile painted across his sweet face.

She smiled and let out a laugh, “so are you.”

He laughed, too, before giving her another kiss, this time with more passion. They both crawled under the covers, their nerves racing as they went through the motions of having sex with someone new for the first time. There was a lot of affection between them as they found a rhythm, relishing in the fact they’d both wanted this for so very long. It was quiet, and soft, and breathy and sweet. They both felt like they could really trust each other, and when they were finished Kyle remained atop her for a while, gently brushing her hair from her face and marveling at the fact that he’d finally been able to touch her. For the first time in a really long time, Alexis found herself feeling safe and valued. Yes. Eric leaving had been an incredibly good thing, indeed.

As she laid there, looking into his sincere, green eyes, she felt her heart softening toward Eric and Stan. This was what she’d wanted. This was the sort of relationship she knew worked best for her. If anything, she felt sorry for the other two. While she was in here enjoying the beginnings of a loving, tender, caring relationship, Eric was taking a chance on someone who very well might break him. Stan was a mess; that had become abundantly clear over the last couple of days. She honestly couldn’t believe Eric was even willing to go there with his relationship hang-ups. None of it really mattered, though, did it? She cared for him and he was definitely one of her best friends, but in the end he just wasn’t her responsibility anymore. It felt liberating. She felt free.

“I’m really glad everything’s happened the way it has,” she said softly.

Kyle smiled at her, so much love apparent on his face.

“Me, too.”

…

Kenny was washing dishes after he and Alley had eaten dinner. He was lost in his own head, struggling to remember who had been driving Randy’s truck and attempting to make sense of the breaks with reality he was experiencing. He felt like he could vomit he was so frightened about what might be coming next. The entire evening with Alley had been obviously off kilter. He couldn’t get out of his head and she kept prodding about what was going on with him. He felt so terrible, holding everything inside. He knew that she was frustrated and confused by his moods and he also knew it was a heavy burden for her to carry. He was scrubbing furiously, aggravated and desperate. He wanted to call a meeting. He wanted to explain it all to them; who cared if it sounded crazy? Maybe they could help.

“Hey, Alley,” he spat out impulsively.

She was sitting at the kitchen island reading something on her tablet, but she lifted her head and offered him a smile, “what’s up?”

“Can I talk to you?”

She set her tablet down and brushed her hair back behind her ears, “yes…please do. What’s been going on with you, Ken?”

He turned off the sink and dried his hands before walking over to the island and standing across from her. He leaned forward on it, his hands trembling as he spoke.

“This is going to sound crazy…”

“Okay…?” she responded, reaching out and touching his shaking hands, “you can tell me anything. Please, please tell me what it is.”

He breathed in and then sighed heavily, “okay. Okay…so, here it is. I’ve died. I’ve died a thousand times over, and when I do I sit in this weird, light place waiting to come back. It’s been happening to me ever since I was a child. I know it sounds crazy, but it’s true. No one ever remembers except for me. The thing is, I just got so tired of worrying about it…”

Alley’s face was difficult to read. She continued to hold his hands, her large eyes fixated on him as he continued.

“…so, I tried to make it stop. Last year, I got in contact with this dude, Joe. He told me he could make it stop and, for a while there, it did. But the thing was, Kyle got really sick. He got cancer and he withered away in a hospital and died. We all flew out to California to see him before he died, even Stan. While we were out there, Stan and Eric got together and it seemed like it was actual love. I’ve never seen either of them the way they were together. But then Eric started to get sick and…I just…I had to try and do something. I came to the realization that Kyle’s death was the price to be paid for my living. The deaths that happen to me, they’re like this cosmic absorption of the deaths of my friends, I think.”

He paused, giving Alley a chance to process. She didn’t say anything, she just sat there staring at him. He felt sick. She was probably thinking about having him committed. He cleared his throat and pressed on with the rest of it.

“Anyway, so, I figured it out. I figured it out that Kyle’s death was tied to my own, so I called Joe and I had him come and meet me. He showed up at my hotel room and I knew he was going to kill me. I managed to pull it off…I timed it just right. He shot me, but I shot him, too. I got him. We both died and when I came back this time I was right back where I’d started. It was the day before I’d met Joe and accepted his help. I haven’t seen him since, I’m not even sure if he’s alive or dead. But the thing was, when I came back everything kind of…reset. Eric and Stan were never together. Kyle was never dead. Everyone was okay, but…we also still all kind of stayed the same. I don’t know…stuck in our issues, I guess?”

“Okay…” Alley said slowly, not sure what to make of any of it, “okay, so…well…um…so why are you telling me this now? This is what’s been on your mind?”

He shifted uncomfortably, “yes and no. I mean, it is on my mind, but it’s because things are getting worse. I’ve been dying more. I’ve been staying in the light a lot longer, and sometimes when I come back I’ve missed large chunks of time…”

“But how can that be, Kenny? You’re always here. I’ve seen you every day for the last couple of years...how can you say you’re missing chunks of time and be here?”

“I know, I know. It doesn’t make any sense. I honestly don’t know what happens when I’m not ‘here’. Like, before the wedding party, that afternoon we were eating out…a truck hit me. I died and I stayed in the light for a while and when I came back I was in the middle of getting dressed for our party. I zipped up your dress for you and just kind of moved forward. I put it out of my mind.”

She separated her hands from his and ran one of them through her hair, “well…what…?” she breathed out. She had no idea what to say.

“Kenny, this does sound crazy…”

“I know, just, hang on, let me finish.”

She nodded, folding her arms across her chest.

“So, I knew from before that Kyle and I had been linked, so I asked him out to coffee the other morning so I could ask him about all of the bouts of sickness he’s been having; and do you know what? They lined up with my deaths. Every single one of them. When he gets sick, I die, and when I die, he gets better. And the truck that hit me…that truck belongs to Stan’s dad. I saw it when Randy came to drop off that stuff and Stan helped him out. I don’t know if it means anything, but…it’s just…I feel sick about all of this. I feel like all of the pieces of the puzzle are in my hands, but I don’t know how the hell they go back together…”

She blew some air out of her lips and put both of her hands on her head, totally shocked. This was definitely not at all what she was expecting him to say. She had thought maybe he was getting cold feet about the wedding or something. Was he losing his mind? Was he certifiable? He didn’t _seem_ insane. He’d never lied or told her any outrageous stories before. Could it be true?

“Can you prove this to me?” she asked, not really sure what else she could say.

Kenny hesitated before speaking slowly.

“Yes, I can. It’s not a pleasant thing, though.”

“What is it?”

He looked around the room, trying to decide if he should show her.

“Well, I took a photo once. I set up a camera before I, you know, did it myself. The picture was still there when I came back.”

She swallowed hard. He was really scaring her.

“Show me,” she said, her voice wavering. Her own hands were shaking now.

“Okay, come on,” he said gently.

She followed as he made his way into their bedroom. She stood back as he rummaged through the closet and pulled out a small lockbox. She’d seen it sitting there before, but she’d never messed with it. She’d wondered often what he kept in there, but she trusted him. She knew people sometimes needed things that were just their own.

She felt sick to her stomach as he unlocked it and handed over the picture. It was gruesome, and she could tell it was him. But what if he was messing with her? What if it was staged? Like fake blood from a Halloween shop or something?

“Kenny…Kenny, you better not be messing around with me…” she said, her voice sounding horrified.

“I’m not, I’m not, I promise you. I would never do something to just screw with your head. Alley, this is real…this is my life. I’ve been dying and coming back and waiting in the light for as long as I can remember,” he insisted as he took the picture from her and placed it back in the box.

Some tears made their way out of her eyes, “okay, so…so what does this mean? What do we do?”

“I don’t know…” he admitted, “…I don’t know…and I don’t know if I should tell the guys…? I don’t know if there’s anything I can do.”

Her eyes were wide and her mouth was slightly opened as she ran her hands through her hair again, “well…what about this Joe person? Have you tried to find him? Are you sure he’s dead? Do you think you’re in danger? Is Kyle in danger? Are Stan and Eric in danger?” She was entirely freaking out, thoughts flying through her head faster than she could catch them.

“I don’t know,” he sighed, “all I know is…I’m dying more often and I’m spending more time away and it scares the hell out of me, Alley. I’m afraid I’m not going to be able to find my way back…” he swallowed hard.

“Would I even know?” she asked softly.

“I don’t know…” he said even more quiet.

She finally just plopped down on the bed and stared at the floor as she struggled to process the whole thing. Kenny came over next to her and wrapped her up in his arms.

“Why did you tell me this Kenny?”

“Because…you’re the only person I can tell. You’re the only one who would believe me.”

She rested against his chest, feeling numb inside. She had no clue what in the world to do with any of it. 

She wished he hadn’t told her, and as he held her close, a part of him wished he hadn’t, too.

…

Dinner with Liane and Cartman had been nice. Stan could tell she had no idea what was going on, but she didn’t press the issue with Eric. She’d only mentioned at one point that Alley came by to get her things and that she was sorry to hear they had split. Eric didn’t really acknowledge what she’d said, opting to change the subject instead. She took the hint and the rest of the evening had gone pretty well. She was warm and kind; she’d made a substantial vegetable dish to go along with the meat she’d prepared and it helped Stan feel a little better to get some real food in his stomach. 

Once dinner was done, Eric and Stan had gone to the couch to put a movie on while Liane painted at the kitchen table. She’d glanced into the living room a few times and noticed that Stan had fallen asleep up against Eric. She’d happened to look as Eric put his arm around him and rubbed the back of his head affectionately. It was plain to see there was something going on between the two of them and it honestly warmed her heart to see Eric so fond of someone else. She’d never seen him like that before. She remained, quietly working on her art in the kitchen until Eric gently slid away from the couch, carefully laying Stan’s head down on a pillow. Stan stirred a little and adjusted himself, falling right back into a deep sleep. Eric grabbed a glass of water out of the kitchen and realized his mom’s eyes were fixated on him.

“What’s up, mom?” he asked quietly.

She glanced over at Stan and then looked back at Eric, gesturing to the empty chair across from her, “sit down…please, tell me what’s going on, Eric?”

Eric did as she asked and leaned forward. He looked at her expectantly, figuring he would let her lead the conversation. She set her art supplies aside and gave all of her attention to her beloved son.

“Does Stan have something to do with you and Alexis breaking up?”

Eric scratched his head. He was certain it was obvious. He wasn’t worried about how his mom would react to it or anything; she was a very accepting, loving person. There wouldn’t be any issues like Stan had with Randy.

“Yes. We’re, uh, kind of a thing I think.”

Liane smiled warmly at him, “I remember you two as kids. Always together.”

Eric chuckled, “yeah, but we didn’t get along so great most of the time. I was a real jerk back then.”

Liane let out a quiet laugh, “well…you were spoiled. Sorry about that.”

Eric shrugged, “it’s all fine now mom. I’m alright.”

She reached out and squeezed one of his hands, “all I want for you is to be happy, Eric. If Stan makes you happy, then I’m happy, too.”

He nodded at her, offering her a half-hearted smile.

“Is there something else, sweetie?” she asked, sensing he was holding back.

He scratched at the side of his mouth and looked away for a moment.

“I don’t know, mom. It’s just a little scary, that’s all. He’s got a lot of problems; real problems. I’m not sure if I can take them on.”

“Oh, yes. I know. I’m still friends with his mother. I know about the alcohol and the rehab. She told me a while back he’d been on antidepressants. Is he still struggling with that? You said you thought he was drinking last night…?”

“He was. I mean, that’s okay. I know how that whole thing goes. It’s more the depression that worries me. I don’t know if he’s okay. I don’t know if I can help him be okay.”

She nodded as she thought it over.

“You know, hon…everyone comes with a set of problems all their own. I don’t know that you’ll find anyone who doesn’t feel scary to you in one way or another. I’m not saying Stan is or isn’t the right person for you, but I am saying that you’ll never know if you don’t try. You have to take a chance on someone if you’re ever going to settle down sweetie, and Stan seems like he really cares about you. I can tell by the way he was looking at you tonight.”

“I know. I know he does. I can see it, too,” he admitted before letting out a sigh and thinking for a bit, “thanks, Mom.”

She nodded at him before lifting up her brush and resuming her painting. She knew Eric didn’t want to talk anymore, so it was enough to signal to him that he was off the hook.

He looked over at Stan, a little bit of panic rising in his chest. He felt like he was standing at the edge of the Earth. Was it a good idea to open himself up to someone who made him feel like he was hovering on the brink of disaster?


	9. The Wreckage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone finds themselves coming together & the situation grows dire on the night of the wedding rehearsal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okie-dokie. Here it is. This chapter is the major turning point and driver of the plot. There are still a few more chapters to go after this. I hope I caught all of the typos - I am having trouble with my "a" key sticking on my laptop, so sorry if there are some missing. I think I caught them all. It's tough to proof read this much of my own writing though!

The snow was coming down heavy as Kenny drove carefully through it. Alley found herself feeling sick with dread. What if they got into a crash and Kenny died? What if he was gone and missed their wedding day? If he died over and over again, what did that mean? Was he immortal? Would his actual death ever come? She swallowed hard, gripping onto the car door handle until her knuckles were white.

“Kenny…maybe after dinner you should talk to your friends about this…situation.”

Kenny kept his eyes fixated on the road. He was nervous about crashing, too. He was always nervous about death. He could never, ever escape it.

“What good do you think it would do?”

“I don’t know…maybe they can remember something? Anything? Or maybe they can help you put some pieces together that they don’t know you need? I mean…Eric and Stan seem to remember each other on some level, right?”

“Maybe,” he said quietly, driving slowly.

Alley wanted to push him some more but ultimately decided against it. The weather was terrible and he needed to focus on getting them both to the venue safely.

“God, this weather is insane. I can’t believe it was so warm just the other day.”

Kenny nodded in agreement, “hopefully we can still do this thing outside tomorrow.”

“Hopefully,” she said, continuing to clutch onto the door.

She felt such dread and anxiety as the continuous wall of thick snowflakes continued to amass on the ground. They both had a terrible feeling that this freak snow storm meant something awful was headed their way. The drive was slow and arduous and gave both of them a great deal of apprehension, but they did manage to make it into the parking lot safely. As Kenny turned the car off they both breathed a sigh of relief. Alley grabbed his hand as she spoke.

“Is it you still?”

“I think so,” he replied, leaning over and giving her a kiss.

“Okay,” she breathed out, “let’s do this.”

They got out of the car and hugged their jackets close as they hurried inside.

…

“Jesus…this is really nuts…” Kyle complained as he struggled to get the Prius through the snow and to the venue.

Alexis stared out the window, nodding in agreement. It really was. She hadn’t packed for this, but thankfully Sheila had loaned her a coat that was a few sizes too large for her. She had gratefully taken it for the evening. She and Kyle were done up really nice; she had on an ankle length black dress with heels and Kyle had on a dark blue button-up with slacks and some dress shoes.

“Gosh…I hope we can get back to your house when this is over,” Alexis mused as she looked out the window.

“Yeah, me too.”

It took them some time, especially because the Prius wasn’t the best vehicle for driving through a snow storm, but they eventually made it to the venue. As they pulled up, Stan and Eric were getting out of Stan’s car. Kyle parked beside them, and they all scurried inside as fast as they could to get out of the snow. Once they were inside they removed their coats, and Alexis noticed that they’d dressed nicely for the occasion, too. Eric had on a dark green button-up with a light gray suit jacket over top, grey jeans and a pair of black shoes. Stan had on a black button up with a gray scarf, a black suit jacket, and the same jeans and shoes he looked like he always wore.

“Goddamn…this snow is insane!” Stan marveled.

“I know…that was a sketchy drive,” Kyle agreed.

“Hey!” Kenny greeted happily as he and Alley spotted them, waving them over toward him.

The four of them walked over and said their hellos. The officiant was standing there with the two of them, as well as their parents and Alley’s bridesmaids, which included her sister, her childhood best friend, and Wendy. Alexis couldn’t help but feel a little tense as Stan and Wendy briefly made eye contact, each of them quickly looking away from one another. She also took note of Eric spotting it and placing his arm around Stan’s waist, pulling him in a little closer. There was something more intimate between them than there had been before.

“So, even though it’s snowing we can still do this thing outside, apparently. They’ve got a big canopy set up outside, so we’ve just got to suck it up and run through the ceremony out there. The weather report says it shouldn’t be snowing in the morning, so it should be doable. You guys ready?” Kenny explained.

Everyone responded in the affirmative and slid back into their jackets.

“Okay, let’s get it done so we can get warm and have some food!” Kenny urged as everyone ran though the back doors of the venue and out under the canopy. It was already decorated in preparation for the morning’s ceremony. There were warm, stringed lights hanging from the canopy above them, and rows of white chairs were surrounding the aisle. The officiant took charge, directing Kenny up front and lining everyone else up near where they’d be exiting for the real thing.

Alexis stood back and watched as the officiant looked down at his notes and started to pair up the wedding party for their ascent up the aisle. He directed Kyle to link arms with Alley’s sister and placed them up front. He then assigned Eric to her best friend and had them next in line, followed by Stan and Wendy. Neither of them wanted to cause any problems, so they linked their arms and stood where they were told. The officant had them standing there like that while he explained the pace at which they should walk. He also instructed the men to help the women if their heels made them stumble, which Wendy actually did and Stan abruptly caught her and steadied her. Once that was done, they all proceeded as they were asked to, separating up near the alter to stand beside Kenny and Alley. Alexis felt bad for Wendy and Stan; she could see they were both horribly uncomfortable to be together like that, but they each handled it really well and kept it civil and quiet. It was the right thing to do for their friends.

Once everyone was where they were supposed to be, the officiant explained the rundown of how things were going to go. Thankfully, the whole thing happened pretty quickly and they were instructed to file back in as though it were the real thing, so Kenny and Alley kissed happily and linked their arms as they strolled back inside. Alexis stood by the entrance and watched as the rest of the wedding party strolled in, Stan and Wendy both looking at the ground as they entered the building arm in arm. Alexis filed in behind them and watched as they quickly separated, Wendy going over near Alley and Stan going right back to Eric. Before she knew it, Kyle was back at her side, which made her smile as she leaned into him. They linked hands and followed everyone through the venue and into a fancy room with a dome glass ceiling and a long table situated at the center. There were little name tags for assigned seating, which seemed to have been rearranged for everyone’s new romantic circumstances.

Kenny and Alley sat up near the front of the table with their families while the wedding party was relegated to the other end of the table. Wendy was seated between Alley’s sister and Alexis, followed by Kyle. Across from them, Eric and Stan were seated near Kenny’s family. The room was considerably warmer, so Stan removed his scarf and hung it on the back of his chair. Everyone was chattering excitedly all around them, especially the family up near Kenny and Alley. It was difficult to land on anyone’s conversations, especially for Alexis who still felt a little on the outside. She was grateful they’d included her in the rehearsal dinner after the break up with her and Eric. Of course, she thought maybe Kyle might’ve had something to do with that. 

After a bit, some waiters brought in menus and complimentary champagne bottles. Alexis and Kyle both eyed Stan as they started to pour alcohol into everyone’s glasses. As one of the waiters approached his glass he politely waived them off.

“Hey, Stan…I haven’t seen you since the other night. I just wanted to ask…you’re still stopping with the drinking, right? You’re not, like, opening that door again, I hope?”

Stan offered him a genuine smile, which was kind of surprising to Alexis. She hadn’t really seen him actually look happy since she’d met him. He looked nice when he did that.

“I’m okay, Kyle…” he tapped his hand on the table as he looked at him for a moment, “…thanks for showing up. I know I was pretty out of it, but it mattered to me that you did that. Really.”

Kyle offered him a warm smile. It kind of felt like the first real step at healing the rift between them. He’d been cordial with Kyle up until now, but this was definitely the first time he’d genuinely looked happy to be around him.

“You’re welcome. I’m glad you’re okay.”

Wendy was listening and gathered that Stan had wound up drinking at some point after she’d broke off their relationship, or whatever the hell it was. She swallowed hard, a sinking feeling in her stomach. She’d been worried that might happen. He felt her eyes on him and looked up at her briefly, quickly averting his eyes once more.

Soon a waitress made her way around the table and took everyone’s orders. Stan and Wendy were both vegans so she ordered a salad and he asked for French fries and a soda. When the waitress moved on from him, Eric couldn’t help but tease him.

“Jesus Stan…french fries and soda? Are you like twelve?”

Stan laughed, “you watch. You’re gonna be so jealous because your food is going to be all fancy and good, but it’s going to be too small and you’re going to want some of mine because it’s cheap and they’re gonna give me a lot of it.”

“Nope. I’m not going to be hungry because I’m eating real food.”

Stan shrugged, “we’ll see.”

The evening started to go by pretty fast as they all got to talking. They started out discussing some innocent things like the upcoming wedding and what they all had waiting for them afterward. Eventually it shifted toward politics, which had its moments. It quickly became apparent that Stan and Eric were on nearly opposite ends of the political spectrum, but they didn’t seem like it bothered either one of them. In fact, as the evening wore on Wendy, Alexis, and Kyle all noticed there was a really visible change between Eric and Stan. They spent a lot of their evening speaking quietly into each other’s ears, touching very frequently, and sharing affectionate gazes. There was a fondness and a closeness that had been absent before. All the nervous staring from that first night at the bar was gone. They looked like they were utterly infatuated with one another, and it was difficult not to notice.

As it turned out, Stan was right about the food. It was fancy and delicious, but not large enough to fill anyone up. Eric would never admit he was wrong about the French fry thing, and they had a pretty adorable interaction in which Eric sat there, stubbornly trying not to ask for some of Stan’s food, and Stan just stared at him with his straw in his mouth, drinking soda and waiting. It ended with Stan finally setting down his drink and quietly sliding his plate over, which Eric silently accepted.

As they waited on the staff to come and take their dessert orders, Stan decided he was going to go out and smoke. Even though he wasn’t pining for a drink the way he had been all week long, he was still socially anxious and he wanted to go out and have a minute.

“I’ll be back…” he said, touching Eric’s shoulder as he walked past him.

“Hey, can I come with you?” Alexis asked, catching pretty much everyone off guard.

“Uh, yeah…sure, come on,” he accepted, shooting Eric a nervous look.

Eric shrugged at him as she stood up and the two of them walked out into the main room to retrieve their coats. Eric and Kyle exchanged quizzical looks on their way out.

“I thought you don’t smoke,” Stan said as he slid into his coat and zipped it up.

“I don’t. I just wanted to talk to you. Don’t worry, I’m not pissed at you,” she responded as she zipped up Sheila’s massive jacket over her tiny frame.

“Okay.”

The two of them made their way out the back into the area they’d done the rehearsal at. They stood near the building to avoid getting snowed on, an uncertain silence hanging between them as Stan pulled out a cigarette and lit it, his body immediately settled by the nicotine.

“So, what’s going on?” he asked, his blue eyes fixated on her.

She looked a little apprehensive, but she pushed through anyway.

“I just wanted to tell you that I forgive you and Eric. I’m not mad about it anymore. It’s still a little fresh and everything, and it’s really weird seeing him being so intimate with you so fast, but it’s okay. You were right the other day. It has been a long time coming. He and I were never going to make it. You two already look closer than he and I ever were. Honestly, he’s different with you. I’ve never seen him like that before the entire time I’ve known him.”

Stan’s face softened as he realized the conversation was going to be a reconciliation of sorts.

“Thank you, Alexis. That’s really big of you.”

She nodded, not sure what else there was to say. A more comfortable silence fell between them as the snow fell heavily round them. It was beautiful and calm.

“You know…I don’t know you too well, but I do think you and Kyle fit pretty good together. He’s a good guy. He cares about everyone and he loves really deeply. You seem like exactly the right person for him. The way you were with me after Wendy left…I can just see that you’re like that, too. I think maybe this is all working out for the best anyway, if that’s okay to say.”

She smiled warmly toward him, “I think you might be right about that.”

Another moment of quiet passed between them before Alexis prodded.

“Do you think Eric will open up to you? _Is_ he opening up to you?”

Stan blushed a little and bit his lip, unsure exactly how to answer that.

“Um…” he let out a nervous laugh, “…we are definitely…moving along with things. It’s going well.”

Alexis nodded her head, her face flushing a bit when she realized that probably meant they were having sex. 

“It’s okay,” she offered uneasily, “Kyle and I had sex, too.”

“Oh! _That’s_ why you’ve forgiven me…” he teased, easing the tension.

She let out a more relaxed and genuine laugh, “Maybe a little bit.”

She glanced at him sympathetically, trying to decide how to approach what she really wanted to know. She was kind of concerned for Stan.

“Okay…other than that, though, what I mean is, do you think he can actually be vulnerable with you emotionally?”

Stan bent down and put his cigarette out in the snow, stuffing the butt of it back into the box. He let out a sigh as he shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t really know, honestly. It feels like he will. He took me to his house last night and we had dinner with his mom. He didn’t act like we were just friends in front of her or anything, so that’s got to count for something, right?”

“Maybe,” Alexis offered, not sure what to make of it.

Stan looked forward, considering it some more.

“He really showed up for me when I was wasted the other night. He stayed with me. He shared some really personal stuff with me, and I told him some things I’ve never told anyone. And the sex was…really, really emotional. At least…it felt that way to me. Maybe that was just me, though. I don’t know.”

Alexis nodded quietly before looking up at him, a very sincere expression on her face.

“Can I give you some advice, as someone who spent a really long time with him?”

“Yes please,” he replied, looking at her earnestly.

“Guard your heart a little, Stan. You seem like the kind of person who goes all in right away. Just…keep it in the back of your mind that he might not be able to give you what you’re looking for. He’s pretty broken when it comes to relationships. I can see that he likes you a hell of a lot more than he ever liked me, but it might be wise to let him take the lead and see where that takes you.”

Stan nodded, taking in her advice. He knew deep down she was probably right.

“Thank you, Alexis. For everything. For your kindness to me the other day, and for your forgiveness now.”

“You’re welcome, Stan,” she responded warmly.

“Can I hug you? It kind of feels like we should hug.”

She let out a laugh, “yeah, sure.”

Stan pulled her in for a friendly embrace and they both couldn’t help but feel like they were at the start of a really great friendship.

…

Clyde had talked Sharon out of coming to the barn again while Randy was in the house. She may not have been worried about it, but he sure as hell was. He didn’t want to get his ass beat or fired if they were found out. At least if they went somewhere else he felt like they were less likely to get caught. Sharon had taken Randy’s truck and driven them out to the woods so they could hook up in peace. Of course, when they’d made that decision it wasn’t snowing nearly as hard as it was now. They found themselves stuck and struggling to maneuver out of the secluded area they’d passed the time in. It took them a while, but they did finally manage to get back onto the main road. Now, though, the roads were so terrible they weren’t sure if they’d be able to make it back.

“Clyde, we have to get back. I can’t explain to anyone why you and I are out here alone like this…”

“I know. Don’t worry. It’s okay. We’ll make it back,” he was almost assuring himself more than he was her.

The truth was, the snow was coming down in buckets atop them. He had a terrible pit in his stomach as he carefully, slowly drove away from the woods and headed back toward the farm.

…

After dinner and dessert were through, Kenny and Alley spent quite some time saying goodbye to their family members. Eventually, they did all take off and they were left with their friends. They both breathed out heavy sighs of relief, astonished at how quickly the event had gone by. The wedding was surely going to be a blur.

“Thanks for coming out tonight, guys,” Kenny said gratefully, “I know the weather was tough.”

“It was fun, and tomorrow’s going to kick ass,” Kyle responded happily as he embraced Kenny and Alley.

The couple went ahead and hugged the rest of their dear friends, wishing them all safe drives home. It wasn’t long before everyone had on their coats and were piling back into their respective cars. Kyle and Alexis were the first ones to take off, followed very closely by Stan and Eric, and then Kenny and Alley, with Wendy trailing everyone in the back. They were all heading the same direction because the venue was on the outskirts of town. The snow was heavy and the wind was severe. It was really difficult to see the rod in front of them with the relentless snow shining in their headlights.

As Stan drove, he leaned forward and squinted, doing his best to see. He was close enough to Kyle that he could follow him and he fully intended to keep it that way. At least if someone was in their sight it felt like they would make it. It was slow and onerous, but eventually they found themselves approaching town and Stan started to feel a little less anxious. As they rounded the final corner before the entry to town, some headlights quickly came into view. Stan immediately gasped and braced himself.

It felt like slow motion as the headlights swerved into the wrong side of the road. There was a loud crash as a truck slammed into Kyle’s car, sending it into a tailspin. Stan and Eric’s bodies stiffened, Eric letting out a gut wrenching scream, as Kyle’s car slammed into theirs and sent them flying. The car rolled as they violently left the road and landed in a ditch.

A sudden silence fell. Stan’s vision was blurry as his mind struggled to process what had just happened to them. He blinked, realizing something was physically obstructing his vision. He put his hand to his head and wiped his eyes, feeling sick as he saw a substantial amount of blood on his hands. Fuck. He couldn’t see because there was blood dripping into his eyes. He turned his head and looked at Eric, who was blinking and staring, obviously in shock. Miraculously, he didn’t look especially injured. Stan quickly realized Eric’s air bag had deployed, but his had not. After a brief moment that felt like forever, Eric’s hazel eyes came into focus and he looked toward Stan.

“Oh, Christ…” he said, panic in his voice as he reached out and pressed his hand firmly to Stan’s head, “you’re bleeding everywhere…shit…Stan…”

“I’m okay. I’m okay…are you okay? Are you hurt?”

Eric’s hand was shaking uncontrollably as he tried to stop the blood from pouring out of Stan’s head. It looked like a pretty serious cut up near his hairline from what he could tell. He must’ve hit his head on the steering wheel.

“I think I’m okay,” Eric reassured him as he looked himself over. He wasn’t bleeding and his clothes weren’t torn or anything. Nothing hurt.

“Oh, God…Kyle and Alexis…” Eric suddenly whimpered.

“Come on,” Stan insisted as he pushed Eric’s hand away and opened his door. He carefully unbuckled himself and crawled out. Thankfully, his car had landed right side up. Stan quickly ran over to Kyle’s car, which had landed upside down, and looked inside. Alexis was awake and sobbing hysterically, blood all over her. Stan opened the door and carefully cradled her as he unbuckled her and gently pulled her from the wreck.

“Alexis…where are you hurt? Can you show me?” he asked as he tried to assess her.

She was crying hard, but she started touching her body and trying to figure out where there was pain. Where had all of the blood come from?

“I don’t know,” she admitted, “I don’t feel anything.”

Stan looked her over and determined her injuries weren’t serious. He didn’t see any uncontrolled bleeding or broken bones.

“Okay, Alexis. Sit tight. Don’t move. I’m going to check on Kyle.”

He looked up and saw Kenny, Alley, and Wendy standing beside them and watching helplessly.

“One of you guys call 911. We need ambulances,” he instructed.

Wendy quickly pulled out her phone and dialed, stepping off to the side to explain the scene to the police.

Stan went around to the other side of the car and spotted Kyle. His door was too smashed to open, so he leaned in through the shattered window and gently removed him from the vehicle. Kyle was unconscious, but breathing.

“Oh, God…Kyle…” Stan said quietly as he took in the sight of him.

His clothes were torn and he was bleeding profusely from his upper leg. Stan quickly removed his scarf and tied it as tight as he could to make a tourniquet. He then drug him further away from the wreck, coming into view of everyone else, and held him in his lap.

“Kyle…Kyle…wake up, Kyle…” Stan pleaded, holding him close.

Everyone realized it was serious, and they all ran up and knelt down into the snow around them. Stan was holding Kyle tightly to his chest, “please, Kyle…you have to wake up…you have to…”

“Oh, no…” Eric said helplessly as he sat beside Stan, “Kyle…Kyle…wake up!” he hollered.

Kenny sat there staring, absolutely stunned. He’d known something could happen to Kyle, but he’d never pictured something like this. Alley was breathing erratically beside him; he knew what she must’ve been thinking. Alexis scooted closer to Eric and Stan, her hands trembling as she reached out and touched him.

“Is he alive?” she asked.

“Yes…he’s breathing. I think his femoral is severed…I tied it off…” Stan’s voice was wavering.

Alexis looked down at his leg before leaning in and wrapping an arm around the back of Kyle’s head. She clutched onto Stan’s arm with her other hand as she started to cry hard. Stan gently slid Kyle into her arms as he realized there were likely injured passengers in the truck that had hit them. He stood up and looked for it, a sick feeling washing over him as he realized it was his father’s truck.

“Oh, fuck…dad…” he whispered as he ran over to it and yanked the door open, taken aback to see his mother inside.

Her eyes were wide with fright and her hands were trembling profusely. He looked beside her and saw Clyde staring out from the driver’s seat. They both looked like they were in total shock.

“Clyde…mom…? What…?”

He felt nauseated as he remembered the conversation he’d had with Clyde at the wedding party. He realized immediately what was going on.

“Mom…mom…have either of you been drinking?” he asked, panicked.

“N-no…oh, God…Stan, your head…” Sharon reached up and placed her hand on his injury, much as Eric had done.

“I’m okay,” he insisted as he pushed her hand away, “are you both alright?”

“Yes…we’re not hurt. Is anyone hurt down there? Did we hit you, Stanley?”

“No. You hit Kyle. Kyle hit us.”

“Oh, God…is he okay?”

Stan stared at her, unsure what he could say.

“Stan…oh, God…is he alright!?”

“He’s alive.”

Just then they heard the wailing of sirens.

“Stay here,” he instructed as he made his way back down to Kyle and his friends.

The fire department showed up in unison with a couple of ambulances and police cars. Stan felt immediately relieved as Token and Butters ran up and started assessing the situation. Another pair of coworkers also approached. Stan quickly told them that they needed to transport Kyle, which they did with haste. Butters was assessing Eric and Alexis while Token approached and took a look at the cut on Stan’s head.

“This cut looks okay. Lots of blood, but not too bad. Do you feel like you have a concussion?”

“No, I don’t think so,” Stan replied.

“Alright. Go sit down. I’ll be back,” Token instructed.

Token was a higher level EMT than either Butters or Stan, and he would be able to stitch up Stan’s head and let him go. Butters determined that Eric and Alexis were okay; neither of them was too banged up. Stan approached them and sat down between them, leaning into Eric as exhaustion fell over him. The adrenaline and shock were wearing off. Eric put his arm around him and held him close, his body still trembling.

Once Token returned he quickly sanitized and stitched up Stan’s wound. It hurt, but he was able to get through it. When that was finished, his eyes wandered over to his mother and Clyde. The police were questioning them. Stan figured they would all have to give statements. He quickly averted his eyes, not wanting to look at them anymore.

“Your mom hit us?” Eric asked, suddenly aware of the truck and the people around them.

Stan shrugged, “I think Clyde was driving.”

“What the hell are they doing together?”

“Fucking, I think,” Stan said nonchalantly, a little numb to the entire situation.

Eric didn’t say anything. He just allowed Stan to lean into him, taking note of the bloodied mess he was.

“We have to go to the hospital,” Alexis said softly.

Kenny and Alley were crouching down in the snow beside them, quietly waiting to see what would happen next. Stan shut his eyes as he felt a sudden, intense headache coming on. He leaned forward and abruptly vomited. He hadn’t expected it, so he reached out his hands to catch it. He dry heaved a few times, holding his hands away from himself and gasping when he was through. Butters and Token approached him again, Butters lifting his face so he could shine a light into his eyes to check his pupils.

“Stan, I think you have a concussion. Come on, we’ve got to take you in,” Butters coaxed gently, handing him a sanitizing wipe from his bag to clean his hands off.

Stan nodded. He was too tired and overwhelmed to protest as he wiped off his hands.

“Can we come?” Eric asked.

“Yeah, yeah. Alexis, you hop up in the front with me. Eric, you can ride in the back with Stan,” Token instructed.

“Come on, Stan,” Butters coaxed as he leaned down.

Stan put his arm around Butters and accepted his help up. Alexis and Eric quickly stood and followed as they walked Stan over to the ambulance. He was definitely a little disoriented and he looked grateful as he laid down on the gurney inside. Alexis followed Token into the front and sat in the passenger seat as Butters settled into the back with Eric and Stan. They were about to take off when Sharon appeared.

“Can I please come?”

Butters waved her in. She ducked inside and sat beside Eric, grabbing Stan’s hand. Butters shut the door and shouted at Token to go ahead and take off. Stan looked toward his mom, struggling to focus. His vision was starting to blur and his head was pounding.

“Stan…I’m so sorry…oh my God…I can’t believe this happened…” Sharon said, tears streaming down her face.

Her stomach was twisted in knots as regret over her selfish choices hammered down upon her. Stan wanted to let her know it was okay, but he was too drowsy and nauseous. He simply squeezed her hand lightly and shut his eyes. Eric reached out and rubbed Stan’s head affectionately, taking a long look at his injury.

“What’s going to happen here?” Sharon asked, looking up at Butters.

“It depends how bad it is. His pupils are the same size, though, so that’s a good sign. He’s probably just going to need to rest and take it easy.”

“What about Kyle?” Stan choked out, his eyes still shut.

Butters hesitated, “I don’t know. Kyle looked pretty bad.”

The three of them sat in silence, the terrifying thought of Kyle’s death weighing heavy on their minds. This could be the end.

…

Kenny, Alley and Wendy all relayed what they’d seen to the police. There were crews there working to clear the scene. Sharon and Clyde had both been breathalyzed and come up clean, so they’d let them go. It appeared it was all just an unfortunate accident; the roads were slick and the timing was bad as they’d rounded that corner. They would likely follow up with the injured parties, but the police did eventually decide to let everyone go. Wendy was the only one who had a vehicle with four wheel drive, so she offered to drive Kenny, Alley and Clyde to the hospital. They had to be there for their friends.

Wendy’s hands were trembling as she started to drive away. By now, the snow had significantly calmed, but the roads were still a mess. She drove slowly and carefully, horrified of another accident. Thankfully, they weren’t too far from the hospital. Though she was intently focused on the road, she couldn’t help but let her mind wander to Stan. She felt so, extremely guilty. She shouldn’t have ended their friendship. She could’ve just asked him for some time and left that door open. What if he was really injured? What if the last thing she’d ever said to him was that she didn’t want him in her life anymore? She did want him in her life. Everything they’d been through felt so small and petty as she’d stood there helplessly watching him, blood dripping down his face, fighting through his own injuries to make sure everyone else was okay. She felt sick as she thought about it.

Kenny was squeezing Alley’s hand as he felt his body starting to panic. Shit. How could this have happened? Why hadn’t he absorbed Kyle’s death? Did that mean Kyle was going to live? What if Kyle dying was the end of Kenny’s curse? Was there anything he could do to fix this? His heart was pounding in his chest as he struggled to process his thoughts. He did know it was time to fess up; he had to tell his friends about what was happening to them all. He had to know if there were any missing pieces.

Clyde was antsy in the backseat. He was leaning forward, his elbows propped up onto his knees, as he cradled his head in his hands. What had he gotten himself into? This thing with Sharon had been fun and an adventure for him, but now he was facing the prospect of watching her life get blown apart. He could tell Stan knew what they’d been doing. He shouldn’t have been running his mouth about how hot he thought his mom was at that party. There was no way this didn’t get back to Randy now. They would have to explain why they were together, and there was just no plausible justification for it. He’d probably just sealed the deal on the end of their marriage, and he felt wracked with guilt because it wasn’t necessarily what Sharon wanted. Not to mention, he was now facing the prospect that Kyle could die and it would be because of him. And then there was Stan. He’d managed to help everyone, but once he’d sat down he looked really messed up. Was he going to be alright? He felt like he hated himself as he realized the severe consequences of his immoral choices. He felt like it was instant karma, but he was suffering the least of anyone, really. He’d brought this upon himself, and now everyone else was going to have to walk through the consequences.

As they arrived at the hospital they filed into the ER. They quickly spotted Sharon, Eric and Alexis, who were seated in the far corner of the waiting room. The group silently approached them and sat down, Kenny being the first to speak up.

“Any word on either of them?”

“They’ve taken Kyle in for surgery to fix his leg,” Alexis said quietly.

Her eyes were red; she’d clearly been crying. She was also covered in dried up blood. Wendy eyed her, trying to figure out if the blood was hers or Kyle’s. Alexis didn’t seem hurt, though, so that was good. Wendy had a small package of face wipes in her purse, so she quickly fished them out and handed the pack over to Alexis.

“Here…”

Alexis took them and sniffled, “thank you.”

“And Stan?” Kenny followed up.

“They’re doing CT scans on him to see how bad it is,” Eric replied.

Sharon was trembling, silent tears falling down her cheeks. In a moment of frustration, she peeled the false eyelashes away from her lids, staring down at them as though they were to blame for this entire goddamn mess. After a moment of silent anger passed, she reached over and grabbed Eric’s hand for comfort. Eric squeezed onto it, trying to reassure both her and himself. There was nothing anyone could do but wait. Sharon had already called Randy and she knew he would be showing up soon. She felt sick at the thought of explaining herself. After thirty minutes or so, he came rushing through the doors. Sharon’s hands started to really shake as she stood up and wrung them in front of her. Randy strode over to her, a panicked look on his face.

“Sharon…you’re alright?” he asked as he pulled her in for a hug.

She stayed quiet as he held her, the familiarity of his body against hers a little jarring. He hadn’t hugged her in so long. Once they separated, he immediately started asking questions.

“Is Stan okay? Have they told you anything?”

“I think he’s okay. The doctor still hasn’t come out to tell us anymore.”

Randy nodded, looking around at the rest of the kids. The girl from the coffee shop was a bloodied mess, which made his stomach lurch. The Cartman kid also had some blood on the sleeves of his shirt. The rest of them looked alright.

“What the hell were you doing out in a storm like this, Sharon?” he asked, suddenly realizing he hadn’t even known she’d left the house.

Clyde’s heart started to pound in his chest as he realized she was going to have to spill it.

“…I’ve been having an affair. I was cheating on you.”

Randy’s face looked stunned. He stood there, quiet and wide eyed, trying to process what she’d just said.

“What? Really?”

She nodded, averting her eyes to the ground. Randy felt like he had a million questions, but before he could ask them a doctor approached the group. Everyone was quiet as they braced themselves for more information.

“Okay, so, here’s what I can tell you so far,” he dove right into it, “Kyle is still in surgery. We believe he’s got some pretty severe head trauma. He has a broken leg and severed femoral. The tourniquet your friend tied probably saved his life. He’s not yet stable and we’re confident that once he’s out of surgery we’re going to have to induce a coma to let his brain heal. We won’t know the extent of the injuries until he is awake. As for Stanley, he has a concussion and he’s showing some concerning signs. We’d like to keep him over night, but we’re pretty confident he can be released in the morning.”

“Has anyone called the Broflovski’s?” Randy asked, suddenly aware Gerald and Sheila weren’t there.

“I did…they’re on their way,” Alexis responded, “I’ll call and update them.”

Randy looked back toward the doctor, “can we see Stan?”

“Family only, but yes, you can come and see him for a little while. He needs to rest, though, so not long.”

Sharon reached down and nudged Cartman, indicating her intent to pretend he was family. Randy wasn’t sure what that was all about, but he wasn’t going to ask. The three of them followed the doctor to Stan’s room. They wordlessly entered as the doctor warned them they could only have bout ten minutes or so. They all acknowledged and stood around Stan’s bed. They’d changed him into a hospital gown and piled a heap of blankets on top of him.

“Hey, Stan…” Randy said quietly as he reached out and grabbed his son’s hand. It felt so goddamn good to hold it, feeling the warmth of life in him. He’d thought for a moment he was dead when he’d gotten the call.

Stan looked a little surprised, but he grasped onto his hand tight.

“Hey, Dad.”

Randy squeezed onto his hand firmly as regret and shame came in waves. He’d been so horrible to him over the last year. Why hadn’t he just been a man about it? Why had he reacted so negatively about something so insignificant in the grand scheme of things? Was it really such a big deal that he had to let it ruin their entire relationship? Sure, they’d had their troubles over the years, but they’d always been a team. They’d always had that father and son bond. He let out a sudden sob, surprising even himself.

“Stan…Stan, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry for everything. I never should’ve treated you the way I have. You’re fine. You’re just fine the way you are. You’ve always been a good kid. You’ve always looked after your sister and your mom, and you’ve shouldered a lot since we moved out of town. You were strong and I just…I didn’t mean to break you. I just didn’t know what to do when you told me. I hadn’t expected it and I handled it really, really poorly. But I love you, okay? I love you, and you are my son, and it’s okay if you’re gay. I can look you in your eye. I can.”

And as he said it, he did. He looked Stan straight in his eyes. Stan sat up and leaned forward. They’d given him some meds so his head wasn’t hurting so much, though his vision was still kind of blurry. He felt some tears welling up in his eyes as he processed the things Randy was saying to him; things he’d been wanting to hear for so, so long. He reached out and pulled Randy in for a hug, both of them holding each other tight.

“It’s okay, Dad. I love you, too. Let’s just move forward, okay? I forgive you.”

Sharon was fighting back tears as she watched them both. These were words she’d also been longing to hear. She’d wanted so badly for him to step up and be a good father. Maybe it wasn’t too late for them. Maybe things could be salvaged, at least between father and son. Eric watched quietly as the two of them separated. Randy stepped back, allowing Eric to move in.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, reaching down to touch Stan’s leg.

“I can’t really see right, but they gave me some meds so my head feels better.”

Eric grabbed Stan’s hand and held onto it firmly.

“I’m so goddamn glad you’re okay…I was really scared when I saw you bleeding like that,” he admitted.

Stan smiled at him as Eric leaned down and embraced him, giving him a quick kiss before they separated and he stepped back. Randy suddenly realized why Sharon had brought him in. The Cartman kid was his boyfriend, it seemed.

“How’s Kyle?” Stan asked, looking around the room.

“He’s in surgery. They said they’re going to have to put him in a coma to let his injuries heal. He’s alive, though. He’s alive,” Sharon explained.

Stan nodded. He’d seen people injured like that out in the field before. He knew it was precarious.

The doctor suddenly popped his head in, “okay, it’s probably time to say your goodbyes and let Stan get some rest.”

They all nodded and started saying their goodbyes. Randy hugged him close once more, followed by his mother. Eric leaned in, hugged him, and then kissed him, rubbing the side of his head and staring at him for a moment before leaving. He wanted to tell him he loved him; the words were just barely clinging to the tip of his tongue. He couldn’t find the courage, though, so he stood back and offered him a smile instead before following Randy and Sharon out. It was going to be a long, long night.


	10. Do It!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kenny finally explains what's been going on to all of his friends.

Very late into the night the doctor came out and gave another update on Kyle to everyone. The surgery had been difficult, but successful. Had had taken a very tough blow to the head and needed to be placed in a coma so that he could properly heal; the doctors estimated at the very least a week before they wanted to try and wake him. There wasn’t much to be done, so Eric headed home for a fitful night of sleep. He had vivid nightmares again. He dreamt of the crash, only in his dreams Stan was laying on the asphalt dead as he cradled in his arms and begged him to stay. He woke up several times in a total, heart stopping panic.

Sometime around 5 a.m., he gave up on sleep and went down to the kitchen to brew some coffee. He showered, noting as additional dried up blood washed from his body and crept down the drain. His torso and legs were pretty bruised up, too. He was a little sore now that he’d slept and started to become more aware of his body. He dressed himself in a sweatshirt and jeans before heading back down to the kitchen to drink the coffee he’d started, surprised to find his mom awake and sitting at the table. He poured himself a cup and sat across from her; she looked troubled.

“Morning, Mom."

She smiled at him and reached out to pat his leg, “oh, Eric. I’m so glad you’re alright.”

He nodded. He wished he could say the same for Kyle. Even though he wasn’t in love with him anymore, Kyle was by far his best friend in the entire world. The thought of losing him was almost too much to take. He wouldn’t break down, though. Eric Cartman would not break down.

“How are Kyle and Stan doing, sweetie? Have you heard anymore?”

“Kyle is going to be in a coma for at least a week. They said it saved his life when Stan tied off his leg. Stan is okay, I think. I’ll find out for sure when I go in this morning.”

A silence fell between them before Eric spoke up again, his voice wavering.

“There was so much blood, Mom. Stan and Kyle…both of them. Especially Kyle. I’ve never seen anything like it…and it happened _so_ fast. One minute everything was fine and then the next, bam, Kyle might die. I just…it’s so…I can’t believe this is actually happening.”

Liane wished there was something she could say to make her son feel better. Of course, there wasn’t. Nothing could make it better except for Kyle pulling through. Eric’s phone dinged, breaking the silence between them. Eric glanced and saw that it was Kenny.

_Everyone, I have something I need to discuss with you. Obviously the wedding isn’t happening today. After Stan is picked up I need you all to come over to our house. I have something really important to tell you._

Eric checked to see who all he’d included in the group text. It was Alexis, Eric, Stan, Clyde, and Wendy. He wasn’t sure what the heck he would need to include Clyde and Wendy for, but he figured he had his reasons. He texted back that he would see how Stan was doing after he picked him up. He checked the time on his phone; it was only 5:45. He still had quite a bit of time to kill before he assumed the hospital would be prepared to release him. This was going to be another long, difficult day.

…

Randy had driven Sharon home in silence and they’d both fallen immediately asleep, neither of them in the right frame of mind to discuss her confession. Morning had arrived, however, and they found themselves both sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee, neither of them sure how to broach the subject.

“Who was it?” Randy finally asked; his voice was stoic.

“It was Clyde,” she responded bluntly, looking down into her lap.

“Clyde, as in the kid living out in the barn?”

“Yes.”

“Jesus…” he muttered, scratching his head.

She cleared her throat and had a sip of her coffee. Randy tapped his finger on the table. He was so hurt by the whole thing, but he also knew he couldn’t even begin to pretend he was innocent in it all. He was well aware he’d been a bastard for years. Seeing Stan in the hospital like that had really jolted something back to life inside of him. He wanted to do better, whatever that meant.

“Do you still want to be married to me?” he asked, a sorrowful look in his eyes.

Sharon eyed him, “I don’t know, Randy. I don’t want Clyde, if that’s what you’re asking. That was a mistake and it’s over, but this marriage has been a nightmare for a really long time. Maybe I should just be alone. Our kids are grown. It’s not like it matters to them at this point.”

Randy looked down into his lap, holding back tears. He’d never thought in a million years that Sharon would even consider leaving him; it was a part of why he’d felt so confident treating her like shit. What had he been thinking? Of course a person can only take so much.

“I still want to be married to you. I would do anything to fix this, Sharon. But if you want to walk, I understand. I won’t fight you on it.”

Sharon allowed a tear to fall down her cheek. She sniffled and wiped it away, angry with herself for caring after everything he’d put her through. Still, they’d been married for the majority of their lives. That was no easy thing to back away from.

“I’ll think about it,” she said, her tone firm and indicating her desire to be finished with the conversation.

…

Clyde hadn’t been able to sleep most of the night, and when he did it was that sort of half-sleep where you aren’t really sleeping. He finally trudged out of bed around 6 a.m. and found the text from Kenny on his phone. He couldn’t imagine what Kenny would want, and the thought of facing Stan was almost unbearable. He didn’t think he would go. No. No way. He would stay in his barn and smoke and zone out. He would keep in touch with someone else about Kyle’s condition.

He put his hand to his head at the thought of Kyle. He hated himself for causing all of this. He’d known what he was doing with Sharon was wrong, but he’d never thought in a million years the fallout would be this bad. He wasn’t sure his friend would live; he wasn’t sure if he had a job anymore. He’d entirely blown up his own life and the Marsh’s. It had been such a selfish, stupid thing to do. He wanted to scream, but he sat down in the kitchen and found himself sobbing instead.

…

Alexis had fallen asleep in the waiting room. She was relying on the Broflovski’s for a ride and they were unwilling to leave the hospital. They wanted to stay the night and go in to see Kyle as early as they possibly could. Her back and neck were really stiff and hurting, and she still had dried up blood all over her from holding onto Kyle. She wanted a shower and more comfortable clothes, so she picked up her phone and shot out a text to Eric to ask him if he minded bringing her something, anything. He’d quickly responded that he would grab her some of his mom’s clothes and have them over soon.

The Broflovskis, including Ike, were asleep in their chairs, all leaning against one another. Alexis quietly snuck away from them to find a restroom. She entered and looked at herself for the first time. She was an absolute wreck. Her hair was a mess, she had dried up blood all over her, and dark circles beneath her tired eyes. She quickly wrapped her long brown hair up into a bun and began washing the blood away from her skin and face. There wasn’t much she could do about the clothes, but the wet wipes Wendy had given her didn’t cut it when it came to cleaning off her skin. She felt tears nagging at the backs of her eyes as she watched the reddened water flow down the drain, washing Kyle’s blood away forever.

“Oh, God…” she whimpered as she pressed her hands to her face and started to cry as quietly as she could.

She’d never believed in God before, but in that moment, she started to pray that Kyle would be alright. She simply didn’t know what else to do.

Once she’d collected herself, she made her way back out into the waiting room. She was surprised to see the Broflovskis awake and conversing with Randy and Sharon. They must’ve arrived after she’d gone to get cleaned up. It looked like they had brought some donuts for them, which struck her as especially thoughtful. Alexis sat down quietly beside Kyle’s family, listening as they updated the Marsh’s on the condition of Kyle. No changes since last night; it was going to be a very long time before they would even consider waking Kyle. It made Alexis want to vomit. Sharon had herself a seat beside Alexis and handed her the box of donuts.

“Oh, thanks…” she said quietly, taking a donut and nibbling at it. She didn’t have much of an appetite, but she figured she should eat anyway. Sharon set the box down in the empty seat beside her.

“How is Stan doing?” Sheila asked, doing her best to show some care for her old friends; they’d fallen out of touch when their sons had stopped talking.

“He’s okay. The doctor called us and asked us to bring him some clothes and get him home,” Sharon explained.

“Oh, yeah…I’d better go and get these to him,” Randy said as he held up a plastic bag and walked over toward the reception area.

Sharon stayed behind while Randy went to deliver the clothes to Stan. She figured she’d let them have some time; plus she knew Eric was on his way and she thought it would be good if she was in the waiting room when he arrived. It wasn’t long before he made his way through the entrance of the hospital and over to the group.

“Hey guys…here, sorry I took so long,” he said as he handed a small bag of his mother’s clothes over to Alexis.

“Thank you so much,” she said as she gratefully took it.

“Yeah, no problem.”

He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and shifted his gaze over to the Broflovskis. He wasn’t sure what to say to them, so he opted to say nothing. He just offered them a sad, sympathetic glance before having himself a seat on the other side of Sharon. Alexis figured she’d wait to get changed until they’d all left and things were quieter. It wasn’t too long before Stan and Randy were making their way over. Stan’s appearance really struck Eric. He’d showered, but his hair wasn’t done up; rather it was down into his eyes, which he found really appealing. He had on an oversized black sweater and blue jeans, leaving him looking casual and exhausted. The cut on his head was still very obvious, even with his bangs in his face. He looked a little pale and he had some circles under his eyes. It was all to be expected given the circumstances.

Eric’s heart felt like it skipped a beat as Stan’s eyes landed on him and he smiled. Eric quickly stood up and strode over to him, wrapping him in a tight, loving hug. He was so relieved he was okay. Stan held onto him and buried his face into his neck for a minute, both of them taking in the comfort of being together and alive. When they separated they absent mindedly laced their hands together as Alexis and Kyle’s family approached.

“Stan…the doctor told us that what you did saved Kyle’s life. I can’t thank you enough,” Sheila said, her voice shaking.

“Yes, we really can’t,” Gerald agreed.

Stan nodded, not sure what he could say. The situation was obviously still pretty touch and go and he knew it. He chose to just offer them a smile, albeit an uncomfortable one. Sheila quickly grabbed Stan and pulled him in close for a heartfelt hug, causing him to release Eric’s hand and wrap his arms around her. Eric stood back, a little touched by the whole thing. He wasn’t going to show it, but he was really impressed with the way Stan handled himself and helped everyone, even though he was obviously hurt. It was pretty exceptional.

Gerald and Ike also gave him hugs, followed by a warm and appreciative hug from Alexis, too. That caught Eric entirely off guard.

“Well, you look tired, hon,” Sheila urged, “you should go on home and get some rest.”

“Thank you…please keep me updated on Kyle?” Stan insisted.

“We will,” Sheila promised.

“Okay, well…goodbye you guys,” Stan said as he took Eric’s hand again.

Everyone offered muted goodbyes as they left the building. Stan suddenly remembered that his car was damaged. That was going to be a headache to deal with.

“Stan, do you want to come home with us?” Sharon asked as she realized he wasn’t sure what to do.

“Huh? Oh, no. I’m alright mom. I just want to go to my apartment.”

Sharon nodded at him, looking toward Eric.

“I’ll take him,” Eric assured her.

“Okay, well, if you need anything just call us,” she insisted as she pulled Stan in for a long hug.

“I will.”

Randy pulled him in for a hug too, not wanting to let him go. His world had been entirely shaken at the thought of losing him.

“Bye guys,” Stan said as they headed off to their respective vehicles.

They loaded into Eric’s car and, as he drove toward Stan’s apartment, Eric started to think more about Kyle. It was tearing him up, and this long wait was going to be torturous. He had to get in contact with his school and let them know he was going to be missing more class. He had to stay here until Kyle was better; _if_ Kyle got better.

“He was the first person I ever loved,” Eric said out of the blue.

Stan looked toward, “you mean Kyle?”

“Yeah. Kyle.”

Stan nodded. That made sense.

“Me, too.”

A long silence passed as they both considered how awful and strange everything felt; how they’d both fallen in love with the same person, a person who couldn’t love either of them back; how Eric and Stan were so rapidly falling for one another, swept up in an endless tsunami of concentrated attraction and desire; how they couldn’t escape the relentless presence of their persistent and unending struggles; how just when they’d started to feel like everything was going to be okay, it was violently ripped away in a split second. Now they were left in the wake of another’s mistakes, trying to pick up the pieces and make some kind of sense of it. It felt impossible. It felt everlasting.

“How long did it take you get over him?” Eric asked, glancing over at Stan.

Stan looked down into his lap, “I don’t know. I feel like it was close to a year before I felt totally okay with it. The first few months were really, really painful. Especially because I didn’t understand why he didn’t want to be my friend. I didn’t know that he knew. I thought as much, but I didn’t know for sure, and that made it hard.”

Eric nodded, staring ahead as he drove.

“What about you? How did you manage to live with him while you were feeling like that?” Stan pried.

“Like I said; I fucked a lot of women and I ate a bunch of junk. I always kept myself distracted. That’s how I pushed through. And then one day, out of nowhere, I just woke up and I didn’t love him like that anymore. It was just gone.”

Stan gazed out the window, quietly taking it in. Neither of them could think of anything else to say for the rest of the drive. They both had a muted understanding for each other in a way that no one else could. They’d both loved him; they’d both done what they had to do to get over him; and now, they were both facing the fact that they might lose him for good. 

After a while, they pulled into Stan’s parking lot and got out of the car, entering his apartment. The normalcy of it all felt cold and unforgiving.

“I’ve got to call my school and let them know I’m staying here longer…” Eric started to think out loud.

“Yeah…I’ve got to figure out what’s up with my car. I don’t even know where it is…I should probably take another week off of work, too.”

“Oh shit…yeah, your car. What even happens after an accident like that?”

Stan shrugged, “a mechanic has it, most likely. I can contact the police department and figure it out, I’m sure.”

Eric looked him over again, struck by how nice he looked when he wasn’t all dressed up and putting on a front.

“You know…you should leave your hair down more often. You look nice.”

“Thanks,” Stan smiled at him, a little surprised to receive a heartfelt compliment from Eric Cartman. It still felt strange to experience him like that.

“And…” Eric continued, hesitating slightly, “…you were such a goddamn hero after that crash. I mean it, Stan. The way you just stepped up and took care of everyone. You fucking saved Kyle’s life. I’ve never seen anyone do anything like that in my life.”

Stan waved his hand at him, not sure how to accept this cascade of compliments, “I’m an EMT. I know what to do in those situations.”

“Maybe…but not everyone can do something like that when they’re hurt the way you were. It was the best thing I’ve ever seen anyone do.”

Stan smiled and averted his eyes, “well…thanks.”

Eric shuffled uncomfortably before walking up to Stan and pulling him in close, brushing his bangs from his eyes, “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“I’m glad you’re okay, too, Eric,” Stan responded as he leaned in close and kissed him.

The two of them continued to kiss lovingly as they stumbled into the bedroom, taking refuge in the physical comfort of one another, if only for a little while.

…

Kenny felt antsy as he paced nervously around the living room. He’d gotten a text earlier from Eric asking to meet up in the evening instead. Stan was really worn out and needed to rest. He’d agreed to the later meeting and suggested having it at Stan’s apartment instead of his house so they didn’t have to drive. It was agreed upon and the message was relayed to the others. He never heard back from Clyde, but Alexis and Wendy said they would be there.

Alley wanted to help Kenny calm down, but she was honestly really freaked out herself. He’d warned her something might happen to Kyle, and now she had no idea what to expect. If they were linked, why wasn’t anything happening to Kenny? _Did_ something happen to Kenny and she just didn’t know it? She felt so lost. Yesterday she’d thought they’d be waking up and getting married. Instead, she found herself wondering if Kenny was even really there, or if Kyle would live or die. It was all just such a nightmare.

“Let’s go and get Clyde. I know he’s ignoring my texts,” Kenny said abruptly.

“Okay,” Alley agreed, sounding really out of it.

They both quietly gathered their coats and drove out to the farm. They didn’t discuss anything the entire way; both of them were too lost in their terrified thoughts. Once they’d arrived, Kenny started to pound on the door of the barn.

“Clyde! Answer the door! I know you’re ignoring me!” Kenny shouted.

Alley stood back and watched. This went on for a minute or so before Clyde finally opened the door, looking like total shit. He had on a flannel, sweatpants and socks. His brown hair was a mess and his eyes were red, which Alley assumed was from smoking. It sure smelled like it anyway.

“Clyde, you have to come with us to Stan’s. I know you probably don’t want to see him right now, but I can explain some things to you and it might help.”

“Just explain it to me here,” he replied, a frustrated look on his face.

“No. It’s better if I tell everyone at once. It matters to all of you.”

Clyde rolled his eyes, “what could you possibly say to make any of this better?”

“Just trust me. Come on, Clyde. Please,” Kenny pleaded.

Clyde rolled his eyes again and let out a long sigh, “alright. Fine. Hang on.”

He walked back near his bed, grabbed his jacket and slid into some snow boots before silently following Kenny and Alley back to their hatchback.

…

Wendy and Alexis drove over to Stan’s place together, both of them uneasy about what they were about to hear.

“I shouldn’t have walked out on Stan…seeing everyone hurt like that…it just really put things into perspective,” Wendy said quietly.

“You couldn’t have possibly known that would happen,” Alexis reassured her, “but I get what you’re saying. Everything feels pretty fucking small right about now.”

“Do you think he’ll forgive me?”

Alexis looked toward her, her normally lively and pretty face worn and tired, “yes. I do. He cares about you too much not to.”

Wendy smiled apprehensively. Alexis offered her a similarly despondent smile, trying her best to go through the motions. It was difficult to talk. It hurt to smile. Interacting was excruciating. All she wanted to do was be in the room with Kyle, waiting for him to wake up. There wasn’t much sense in it, though, and she wasn’t even allowed to be there outside of visiting hours anyway. At least this evening would distract her from it for a little while.

They pulled into the parking lot and made their way up to the apartment. They knocked and Stan quickly answered the door. He didn’t say anything as he stood aside and let them in. The girls removed their coats and tossed them onto the back of the couch. Wendy quickly turned to face Stan, who’d made his way into the living room behind them.

“Stan, before you say anything, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean what I said. I need some time, I do, but you are still my friend, okay? Please forgive me. Please, let’s try and figure this out?”

Stan pulled her in for a tight hug, “it’s okay, Wendy. I’m sorry for everything, too. I really, really want to be your friend.”

They separated and Wendy wiped some tears from her eyes, “I’m really glad you’re okay, Stan. So, so glad.”

He smiled at her softly, not sure what else to say.

Eric was standing in the kitchen nibbling at some weird vegan “cheese” snack to ease his nerves. He felt a pang of jealousy as he watched Stan and Wendy, but he knew it was a really stupid thing to worry about so he stuffed it down. He had to admit, he was feeling edgy. Having sex with Stan hadn’t done much to ease his pain and worry for Kyle and what might happen, which left him gutted. He’d always been able to distract himself with sex. Why did it leave him feeling so hollow this time? Was it because he had such strong feelings for Stan? The thought turned his stomach. He wanted it to numb him, not rip him wide open and leave him exposed; why did Stan make him feel this way? Why was there no escaping this awful fucking situation? He decided to hang back in the kitchen, and he found himself grateful at the sound of another knock at the door. That meant Kenny was there, and whatever he had to say would be said and they could move ahead as best they could.

Stan let Kenny, Alley and Clyde inside. Clyde couldn’t look Stan in the eye, and Stan was obviously uncomfortable being around him, too. He wasn’t exactly furious with him, but he was pretty upset that he’d actually gone and slept with his mom. Now, on top of everything else, he had to worry that his parents were going to split. He was massively frustrated at the ways in which his problems just kept piling on top of one another. Still, he couldn’t really blame Clyde for the way things had gone down. He couldn’t have possibly predicted things would play out the way they had.

As Kenny neared the center of the living room everyone found themselves a seat, aside from Eric who remained in the kitchen. Stan and Wendy settled into the barstools, while the rest of them went to the couch. Kenny looked jittery as he took in a deep breath, realizing it was time to come out with it.

“Guys…here’s the thing…these things…all of these crazy, inexplicable things that have been happening…they’re connected to me.”

Everyone was silent, staring quizzically at him. He swallowed, trying to stuff down his fear.

“I’ve died. A million times over. I die again, and again, and I then I come back. None of you ever remember it, but I do. I die and I wait in this strange, light place. Sometimes I’m in there for what feels like months, but I usually come right back where I was.”

“What?” Eric spat out, an incredulous look on his face.

Stan shushed him, “give him a minute, Cartman.”

Eric shook his head, none too pleased at the nonsense coming from Kenny’s mouth. Couldn’t he be serious? Wasn’t there enough going on? Why was he playing head games?

Kenny was wringing his hands together as he continued, “the thing is…I tried to stop this curse, or whatever it is, last year. I met this guy, Joe, and he said he’d lifted it for me. He kind of did, but Kyle got sick with cancer and was hospitalized for a few months. We all went to California to see him, even you Stan. You went and you stayed with Eric and you two fell in love really fast. That’s why you both feel so drawn to each other; you’ve been together before, you just don’t remember it…”

Stan and Eric glanced at each other, neither of them sure what to make of it.

“…Eventually, Kyle died and I realized that we were somehow linked. I realized the deaths that I have absorb the deaths of others. I don’t think it’s only Kyle, but for whatever reason, after the thing with Joe, that’s who got the brunt of it. I knew I had to do something to save Kyle, so I shot Joe. He shot me, too…we did it at the same time and it somehow broke it, whatever he’d done. I came back and it was like none of it ever happened. Kyle was alive, and Eric and Stan…it was like you guys never happened.

I thought things would be okay once Joe was gone, but it’s gotten worse. All of your problems have gotten worse. Eric’s colder than ever. Stan is more depressed than I’ve ever seen him. And Kyle, all of the illnesses he had corresponded with my deaths, and it was happening to us both more and more. Do you see? It’s not your fault…any of you. The thing that happened between you two…” he gestured toward Eric and Stan, “…it was inevitable. You can’t fight something like that. How could you?”

He eyed Wendy and Alexis as he explained this, trying to make them understand that this thing they had was actually almost paranormal.

“…and Clyde…the car accident…it was destined to happen. It needed to happen. Something is going on between me and Kyle and I don’t know how to stop it, but this isn’t on you. It would’ve happened, whether at your hand or not. There’s nothing anyone can do about it…except maybe me…and I haven’t figured out what that is yet.”

A stunned silence fell over the room as everyone struggled to take in the bizarre, unreal things their friend had said to them.

“What are you doing, Kenny? Haven’t we all been through enough? Why are you saying this bullshit?” Eric spat out, an angry look on his face.

“It’s true…I promise you, it’s true. I wouldn’t lie…”

Eric shook his head, “this is goddamn insane. I’m out,” he said as he stormed off into Stan’s room and shut the door.

Stan looked like he wanted to go after him, but he chose to focus his attention on Kenny instead.

“Kenny…this sounds really nuts. Maybe you need to get some help…?”

“It’s true, Stan. I can prove it. I took an automatic picture after I killed myself once…it stayed behind.”

Stan swallowed hard, utterly disturbed by the insane things coming out of his friend’s mouth. Kenny shoved his hand into his pocket and pulled out the photo, handing it to Clyde on the couch. Clyde stared at it for a moment, his face going a little white. Stan and Wendy walked over to the couch as the others leaned in to see. Stan felt a little queasy as he looked at it. Either it was real or staged, there wasn’t any way to tell for sure.

“Kenny…I don’t know what to do with this…why are you saying these things to us?” Stan asked, a pleading and concerned look on his face.

“Because…I need to know if I’m missing anything…there has to be something I can do to save Kyle.”

Clyde put his hand to his head and shut his eyes as he spoke, “Kenny…stop this. This is insane. This doesn’t help any of us. It was a shitty, freak accident and it just happened, alright? There’s not a fucking thing any of us can do for him. We just have to let the doctors do what they can.”

Kenny was getting so incredibly frustrated. He’d known it would be a difficult conversation, but it didn’t stop him from wanting to scream.

“Why would I make this up? What purpose would it serve!?” he suddenly shouted.

Alexis finally decided to humor him, “okay, okay…say this is true, what can be done? It sounds like you’ve died before and it didn’t really do anything. The thing with Joe, okay, you can’t recreate that, right? And even if you could, wouldn’t time just reset itself and start this whole thing all over again?”

Kenny nodded at her.

“Do you know if this Joe person came back with you?” Wendy asked, also deciding to just humor him. The worst that could happen would be that he was delusional, right?

“I don’t know. I haven’t tried to reach him.”

“Why don’t you try that, then? Maybe he can help you?”

Kenny felt sick. Joe would not help him. Joe wanted to kill him.

“Joe wouldn’t help. He only wanted to hurt people. He was a sadistic fuck.”

Alley had tears in her eyes; this was a lot to take. She truly felt like Kenny was losing his mind now that she was experiencing this in a room full of his friends. He realized everyone was thinking he was crazy, and he swallowed hard, a panicked look on his face.

“Screw you guys. I know I’m not crazy. This is real…this shit happened.”

He stood there for a moment before looking at Stan desperately, “don’t you remember even a little bit? Wasn’t there _anything_ familiar about Eric?”

Stan glanced around nervously. Everything had been familiar about Eric. The way he kissed, the way he smelled, the way they were alone together. It was all so, achingly familiar.

“Yes…” he admitted hesitantly.

“How do you explain that? How do you explain knowing someone like that before you’ve even had them?” Kenny demanded.

“I don’t know…” Stan relented, folding his arms across his chest.

Kenny stared them all down, intensity in his eyes. Suddenly, Eric emerged from Stan’s room, shoving his phone into Stan’s hand, “fine, let’s test this.”

He sounded so pissed off as he stormed into the kitchen a pulled a large knife from the butcher block on the counter. Everyone felt their adrenaline start to rush.

“Eric…” Stan cautioned.

Everyone’s eyes were wide; Alley started to sob.

“Stan, record this. If this is true, then let’s film it and see.”

“Eric, don’t…” Stan objected, his heart beating wild.

“It’s fine!” Kenny shouted, commanding everyone’s attention, “do it.”

Eric hesitated. He’d thought for sure Kenny would admit he was full of shit, ending whatever stupid head game he was trying to play.

“I’ll do it!” Eric threatened, hoping once more that Kenny would just admit he was lying.

“Do it, then, Cartman,” Kenny said calmly, opening up his arms and holding them out.

Eric blinked stupidly before looking back at Stan.

“Record it, Stan!” he demanded.

“You guys…stop it…please…” Stan protested.

“DO IT!” Eric and Kenny both hollered in unison.

Stan shut his mouth; his hands were visibly trembling as he held up the phone and hit record. Eric looked back at Kenny and a tense moment passed between them before Eric abruptly lunged forward and stabbed Kenny square in the chest. Everyone sat in stunned silence as Kenny dropped to the ground. He felt the searing pain in his chest as time started to wobble and fold, pulling him out and into the light. He floated, waiting once more to return. He hoped the recording remained like the picture. Maybe now they would believe him.


	11. I Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group moves forward in trying to figure out what to do for Kyle, getting some small clues along the way.
> 
> Eric and Stan have a fight.

“I’ll do it!” Eric threatened, hoping once more that Kenny would admit he was lying.

“You already did. Check the phone, Stan,” Kenny said quietly.

“What?” Eric spat out, his hands shaking and his eyes wide. He was so frustrated and pissed off, he wasn’t sure how to channel it.

Stan pulled up the videos on Eric’s phone and hit play on the latest recording.

“Jesus Christ…” he whispered to himself as he realized the video was, indeed, there. Eric had stabbed Kenny and everyone started screaming and crying. It cut off really quick, a strange whooshing sound caught near the end of it.

“How…?” Stan mumbled breathlessly.

Eric walked over and snatched the phone, playing the video for himself. His face turned white.

“I told you. I’m not making this up. It’s real. It’s been happening to me my entire life,” Kenny insisted.

“…and that stuff you said about Kyle dying and me and Eric…that’s all true?”

“Yes. Yes. Do you see? Does it make sense now?”

Eric put one of his hands to his head, his eyes wide with confusion. Was this why his feelings for Kyle had disappeared overnight like that? And this weird, longing he’d been carrying around all year for something he just couldn’t pin down…that had been Stan? Stan was the source of that pain? It turned his stomach. He’d already lost Stan once and it clearly had hurt, even without having any actual memory of it. What would it feel like if he hurt him and he actually had to live with the memory of it? It made him want to run.

“So what do we do now?” Clyde asked, his attention more focused than before. Maybe they actually could do something to help Kyle.

“I still think you need to find out if this Joe person is out there somewhere,” Alexis insisted, “there’s no way you can absorb Kyle’s deaths forever. At some point, one of you has to die or this curse has to be stopped.”

Alley suddenly spoke up, “I did some digging after you told me the other day, Ken. He’s still alive.”

Kenny swallowed hard, “you did? You’re sure?”

“He lives out near the planetarium, right?”

“How did you find him? I never told you much about him…?”

“I remembered taking you over there back then. That house was so junky I couldn’t forget which one it was, so I went by it and wrote down the address so I could look up who lives there now. It wasn’t hard to get that information, and he’s definitely alive.”

Kenny’s eyes darted around the room as he tried to process it. Joe was still alive. Did that mean he still had the same curse? What else could he tell him?

“He’s not safe. I can’t go to him alone.”

“We’ll come with you,” Stan insisted.

“Yeah, we all will,” Clyde chimed in.

Eric remained quiet, his head still spinning. There were so many things happening all around him. He was shocked that what Kenny had said was true, and he was simultaneously hopeful that maybe Kyle could actually be saved. He was incredibly frustrated and confused about the thing with Stan. He found himself wondering what had gone on when they’d been together in that time. Had he told him he loved him then? How serious were they? How long did it go on? Was Stan safe for him? Could he let himself give into that love now? Could he really tear down that thick wall he’d so carefully tended to for so much of his life?

“Okay…let’s do this,” Kenny said, his voice wavering. He was very apprehensive about seeing Joe. The last time he’d seen him, he’d killed him. What would he do now?

They all threw on their coats and left the apartment. Alley and Kenny got into Wendy’s car while Alexis, Craig and Stan all rode with Eric. Alley texted Eric the address and the group took off.

“This is some crazy shit,” Clyde mused from the backseat, trying to process it all, “we’re probably going to have to kick this guy’s ass.”

Eric was firmly in agreement on that one, but he wasn’t going to say as much.

“I’ve got pepper spray,” Alexis offered, pulling a small, pink tube from her purse.

Eric didn’t want to mention it, but he had a pretty serious pocket knife he could use if necessary. He would do whatever he had to in order to protect his friends. He felt highly agitated as they drove onward. He wanted to pick a fight with Stan after everything he’d found out about them. Knowing that deep sense of longing and unfulfilled want all of that time had actually been due to his absence scared the shit out of him. It made him want to put some distance between them. He wanted to piss him off enough that it would scare him away; to just end it all so he could forget it had ever happened before it got to the point that it left him eviscerated if it didn’t work out. Stan took notice of Eric’s increasingly foul mood so he reached over to touch his hand, which Eric quickly retracted.

“Leave me alone, Stan. I don’t want your fucking help.”

Stan looked him over, a little surprised, though he knew him well enough that he quickly picked up on what he was doing. He was trying to shut him out.

“Okay,” he said, staring at him apprehensively.

“Seriously, Stan…leave me alone. I don’t want this shit right now.”

“What? What shit? When have I ever given you any shit?”

“This whole goddamn time I’ve been here has been nothing but shit, Stan! You’re a fucking mess and I’ve been running around picking up after you since I got here! With your fucking alcoholism, and depression, and sad sob stories about the pervy old fucks you let get you drunk so they could basically goddamn rape you. You’re a walking fucking nightmare and I don’t want to deal with you right now.”

“I know what you’re doing…knock it off, Eric,” Stan warned, not entirely letting Eric get to him, but definitely feeling tense.

“I’m not doing anything. I’m serious. Just shut the fuck up and leave me alone right now.”

Alexis and Clyde were horribly uncomfortable as they sat quietly and listened to them argue. Alexis was very familiar with this side of Eric, and she felt pretty bad for Stan. This was what she’d been trying to warn him about. 

“So…am I just like another fucking distraction to you, then?” Stan said incredulously, “were you just like showering me with compliments and platitudes so I’d let you fuck me? How does that make you any better than anyone else I’ve been with? At least they were honest enough to just give me beer. They didn’t have to go and act like they cared about me.”

Eric kept his eyes fixed on the road, ignoring Stan’s questions, before angrily hollering at him, “Just shut the fuck up, Stan! Jesus Christ.”

Stan shook his head at him, “Fuck you. You’re such a goddamn child,” he spat out before leaning back into his seat and staring out the window.

The rest of the drive was tense and silent until they pulled into the empty driveway of a run down, shack-like house. It was quiet as everyone exited their vehicles and looked toward it. It felt ominous and paranormal. They were all frightened, as much as none of them wanted to admit it.

Kenny finally cleared his throat and walked up to the front door, knocking on it loudly. He waited and, when there was no answer, knocked again. After some time it became apparent Joe wasn’t at home.

“What now?” Clyde asked, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets.

Kenny shrugged, “I guess we wait. Hopefully he’ll be back soon.”

They all gathered around the front door and sat on the rickety old porch. It wasn’t terribly cold outside anymore; the snow was sparkling as the sunlight worked on melting it. Stan sat a sizeable distance away from Eric, over near Wendy and Alexis.

“Listen, when he gets here, don’t be all aggressive. Let’s just try and talk to him, alright?” Kenny instructed, mostly eyeing Eric. He could tell he was pissed off.

Eric blew some air out of his mouth, letting his dissatisfaction be known. Stan swallowed as he realized Eric wasn’t going to be able to contain his frustration a whole lot longer.

“I’m serious, Cartman. He’s dangerous. We need to try and…”

“Seriously, fuck this guy, Kenny! I don’t care. Fuck this whole situation! This is such goddamn bullshit! Why is Kyle involved in any of this anyway? And what does it matter to me? Huh? I’ve been doing just fine! I was fine before I came here and blew my life apart! Alexis and I were fucking fine! I had nothing to worry about outside of school. I just want to go back home, focus on getting my degree, and never come back to this godforsaken town!”

“Eric, for Christ’s sake, knock it off!” Stan hollered, “I know what you’re doing!”

“Fuck you, Stan! You’re the worst part of all of this! I don’t want this. I don’t want you! I don’t want to be here. I just want to be left the hell alone. I want to get whatever the fuck we need from this asshole, fix Kyle, and go back home to my real life. This shit here, between you and I? This is a fucking fantasy. You and I don’t matter. We’re not anything. I don’t give a shit about whatever happened in some bullshit alternate reality. I’m done! I do not fucking want you!”

Stan abruptly stood up and started shouting at him as he stomped over in his direction, “you’re just fucking scared! You’re scared because you know this is real and you can’t face that!”

Kenny started to feel the wobbling and bending as the two of them fought. The pull of their pain and hang-ups. It felt like it was tearing at the very fabric of whatever force was holding them all together. As their argument escalated, he started to see fragments and flashes of what was to come. Kyle’s face. His heart beat growing irregular. His head aching and his brain trying so hard to heal. He could see Stan, alone, drunk and wallowing, unable to heal after Eric had gone. He could see Eric back home, overeating and fucking anything with a pulse. That was the way it would be if things didn’t get fixed. It had to get fixed.

“I’m not scared, asshole! I. Don’t. Fucking. Need. _You_.”

“Yes you do!”

Suddenly, Eric tackled Stan. The two of them landed in the snow as Eric gripped onto his sweater and held his arm back like he was going to start wailing on him.

“I don’t fucking need you! I don’t need anyone, let alone someone as fucked up as you!” he shouted, his voice cracking.

Everyone held their breath as Stan squeezed his eyes shut, bracing for a solid punch to the face. A moment passed before he hesitantly opened them again, noting a look of shame on Eric’s face. He watched as he lowered his hand and buried his face into his neck, the worst of the argument seeming to have passed. Stan was uneasy as he realized Eric was quietly crying into his shoulder. He instinctively wrapped his arms around him, holding him tight. He’d never seen him genuinely cry like that. It was jarring.

“Okay, alright…fine. Maybe you don’t need me, but I really, really need you,” Stan said quietly.

Eric pulled away from him and sat up, wiping his eyes furiously. His face was red as he looked down at Stan, “I don’t want you to need me.”

Stan sat up, staring into his hazel eyes, “I’m in love with you, Eric. Whether you want it or not. I just love you.”

Eric’s face looked horrified, “Shut up, Stan! Goddamn it.”

He quickly stood and walked over to his car, slamming the door behind him as he sat inside and lowered his seat so no one could watch him break down. He needed to do that alone. Stan let out a horribly frustrated groan as he wadded up some snow and hurled it at Eric’s car, a little satisfied as it exploded across the windshield.

“You’re so goddamn difficult!” He shouted before falling onto his back in the snow, completely exasperated.

As the moment settled, the wobbling around Kenny slowed down. He waited a moment to get his bearings before addressing Stan.

“You two matter in this. I don’t know how, but you do. I feel like time is folding in on itself when you try to fight against it. You have to figure this thing out.”

Stan sat up, a frustrated look on his face as he hollered, “don’t you think I’m trying!? He’s fucking impossible!”

“He really is,” Alexis added.

“Cartman’s a sociopath. People like that can’t love you,” Clyde insisted.

Stan was quiet as he considered that statement. Maybe it was true. Maybe he wasn’t capable of loving anyone. It had really felt like he could there, for a while.

“Goddamn it. I’m such an idiot. What the fuck am I even doing?” Stan complained.

“No…he _can_ love you. I’ve seen it happen, Stan. You two were seriously fine before time reset. You were. He told you he loved you. He wasn’t like this with you.”

Stan shook his head, “people say all kinds of shit when they want to get laid, Kenny.”

Kenny shook his head adamantly, “Stan…he meant it. I’ve never seen him like that with anyone except for Kyle.”

Stan swallowed hard. He knew he’d loved Kyle. That was the one thing that was certain.

“I don’t know what I can do, Kenny. I can’t make him love me. I can’t make him be with me if he doesn’t want to be.”

“He does love you, Stan. He just doesn’t want to say it.”

Stan eyed Kenny doubtfully. 

No. Eric didn’t love him. Eric only loved himself.

Suddenly, a beat up brown car pulled into the driveway. Eric heard the car pull up and quickly got out of his own, striding over beside Kenny and Alley. They all watched quietly as a tired, old man with gray hair got out and slowly made his way up to them. He smiled knowingly as he recognized Kenny.

“You…you shot me,” he stated, letting out an amused laugh.

“You shot me,” Kenny replied.

He let out a laugh and raised his eyebrows, “yeah, yeah. Well, come on in then. You kids must be cold.”

They all glanced at each other before quietly filing into the house behind Joe. Despite the rickety exterior, the inside was nice. It was warm and clean, albeit old looking. There were some couches and chairs in the living room, which he gestured toward, “have a seat then.”

They all found a place to sit and waited as Joe settled into a rocking chair across from them, Kenny and he eyeing each other.

“Well…watcha here for then?” he asked.

“This curse…things are worse now. I guess I just thought you might have some answers.”

“Yeah, yeah. What’s been going on then?”

“My friend gets sick, I die, he gets better. Lately, I’ve been experiencing this weird…wobbling? This falling inward of time? My friend was hit by a car yesterday and he’s in the ICU in a coma. What can I do? How can this be made right? I thought we weren’t linked anymore after we killed each other?”

Joe put his hands together, rocking in his chair as he pondered it. Kenny grew impatient and continued.

“How are you alive anyway? Are you like me?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m like you. I have been my whole life. Well, up until you shot me anyway.”

“What do you mean? You came back. You’re here…”

“Yeah, yeah…but I’m not dying anymore.”

Kenny felt his stomach drop.

“What? Why? How did it stop?”

He laughed, “welp…you remember that spooky little ritual I did when I told you I could break your curse?”

“Yes…”

“That was bullshit. I was puttin’ on a show for you. There ain’t no ritual that can stop this curse. You see, I figured it out. One a them times when I was sittin’ in the light place, I come to notice this sort of…tunnel, I suppose. Anyway…I made my way into it an’ I realized that there was a voice inside that I could converse with. I learned that if someone ever came to me with the same kinda curse I could end my own if I could figure out the correct death sequence. I was assured that I would cross paths with someone like that someday and then all of a sudden I get these vibes around you. So, I asked ya over and got ya drunk and you spilled the beans just like thought ya might. I cut my own throat and went into the light place, back into the tunnel, and let the voice know that I wanted to go ahead and use you to end my curse; you don’t remember of course…you know how it is.

Anyhow, the voice let me know that I could do as much, but you would have ta go through this kind of transfer period with someone in your life. That’s why you an’ yer friend got linked up. Of the people in yer life, he’s the one with the potential to inherit your curse. He ain’t got it already like you and me do, but the potential to transfer is there.

So, anyway, you had to go through that time and for me to end my curse I had to get you to kill me; that was the way the voice told me it had to go. I showed up with that gun because I wanted ta scare ya into shooting’ me, and I’ll be damned, it worked. Of course, I was supposed to shoot you too…as ’n that was the sequence upon which I was instructed. And now it’s gone. I’m just livin’ a regular life now.”

He sat back, a satisfied grin on his face. Kenny narrowed his eyes at him.

“Okay…so…what do I have to do then?”

“I don’t know what yer death sequence is supposed to be. You’ve got to find that voice in the light, kid. Maybe you need this friend a yers to kill you and take yer curse.”

Kenny stood up angrily, “well, what if I don’t want to give him my curse? Besides, he’s in a coma. I can’t get him to kill me…”

Joe shrugged, “I don’t know what ta tell ya kid. Tha’s all I know.”

“Fuck. Thanks for nothing, Joe,” Kenny spat out as he stormed out of the house.

The rest of them quietly followed. No one knew what to do. It all seemed so hopeless. They stood outside in the driveway for a minute, looking at Kenny to see what they should do next.

“I don’t know what to do…this is…I can’t…” Kenny was visibly shaking as he tried to find the right words. Alley put her hand on his shoulder.

“Come back to my apartment…we can try and sort this out. There’s got to be something we can do,” Stan offered.

Kenny stood quietly for a moment, considering his options.

“No. I have something I have to do.”

“I think we should all stay together,” Wendy suddenly piped in. The situation was absurd and frightening. She was also worried Kenny might do something crazy.

Kenny eyed her before shrugging. It didn’t matter. He could carry out his plan from anywhere.

“Okay, fair enough. Let’s go to my house. We have enough space for all of you,” he replied.

Everyone agreed. They all piled into the same cars they’d arrived in and made their way to the McCormick house. The silence inside of Eric’s car was heavy as they all considered the crazy situation and the ominous things Joe had said. Eric was still upset, but he wasn’t angry anymore. He felt bad about the things he’d said to Stan, but he didn’t have the nerve to actually apologize for it. Stan, on the other hand, was in a state of pure anxiety. He was worried Kenny was going to do something stupid. He was sick over Kyle. He was so, horribly sad about what had happened with Eric. For a moment there, he’d really thought he was going to hit him. It turned him off to Eric a little; he didn’t like the idea of being with someone he had to worry would do something like that. Would that be what he could expect from Eric? Or was it just a crazed moment in an exceptionally difficult situation?

Eric reached over to try and touch Stan’s hand, but he yanked it away.

“You were going to hit me,” he said, an accusing tone to his voice.

Alexis and Clyde sat quietly in the back, worried the two might start fighting again.

“Well…I didn’t.”

“But you wanted to.”

“But I didn’t.”

Stan shook his head and bit his lip. There was nothing else to be said about it. Eric swallowed hard, knowing he’d screwed up big time. He knew it was abusive behavior. He’d worked so hard not to be that kind of person anymore. The situation had just been so intense. He’d reverted back to that angry, hateful person for a moment. How could Stan ever forgive him for such violence?

“You were right…” he said quietly.

“About what?” Stan asked, doing his best to keep staring out the window and avoiding eye contact.

“I said those things because…” he hesitated. He just couldn’t do it. He let out a sigh and shook his head. Stan looked toward him, waiting for him to finish. When he realized he wouldn’t he shook his head and looked back out the window. Eric was hopeless. Why did he have to go and fall in love with someone like that?

“You’re such an asshole,” Stan mumbled.

A saddened look crossed Eric’s face.

“I know.”

It wasn’t long before they’d arrived at Kenny’s house and settled in. It was a decent size. Kenny and Alley showed them where their two guest rooms were and told everyone to sort it out; rooms would have to be shared. They had sleeping bags for anyone who needed to sleep on the floor or the couch in the living room. Because of the rift between Eric and Stan, it was decided that Stan would sleep on the floor in one room with Alexis and Wendy, while Eric and Clyde would take the other. Kenny excused himself from the group as they sorted that situation out, ready to carry out his own plans. It was the only thing he could think to do. As he listened to them talking down stairs, he shut the door to his master bathroom, grabbed a razor blade, and aggressively slit his wrists.

He was going to figure this out once and for all. He'd be damned if he’d let things reset again.


	12. The Last Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The situation gets worse for the group of friends.
> 
> Eric and Stan confront a painful reality.

Kenny narrowed his eyes, walking aimlessly through the light place. Where was this tunnel Joe talked about? Did they even go to the same void when he’d had the curse? Who knew if he was even telling the truth? Kenny didn’t really trust him. He trudged along, hoping he wouldn’t be yanked back before he figured out something.

…

Sheila, Gerald and Ike sat quietly in Kyle’s room. It was time for visitors and they’d wanted to be near him, even though they knew nothing would change. It was dark and the sound of machines stole any peace the room may have offered. The machines were keeping their son alive; breathing for him and allowing his injured brain to heal. It was a nightmare, seeing all of those tubes and wires; how could it be that just yesterday he’d been vibrant and healthy? How could that all be stolen away in just a moment’s time?

As they all wrestled with their emotions, Kyle’s heart monitor suddenly flat-lined.

“Gerald…Gerald!” Sheila stood up, her hands trembling.

Gerald abruptly ran out into the hallway and started screaming hysterically for some help. It was a blur as doctors and nurses rushed into the room. One nurse tried to usher the Broflovskis out of the room, but they refused to leave. They remained along the fringe of the room, watching in horror as doctors shouted out commands. A few tense, chaotic minutes passed before one of the doctors stood back from the table and looked up at the clock.

“Time of death, 1900 hours.”

Sheila let out a gut wrenching scream, dropping to her knees. Ike buried his face into Gerald, unable to hold back his sobs. Gerald felt numb. 

…

The wobbling. It was happening again. How could that be? He was already in the light place? Kenny dropped to his knees and looked around frantically. What was it? He turned to check behind him and saw a strange, circular kind of plasma opening up nearby. He shielded his eyes as it suddenly grew windy and overwhelmingly loud. A huge flash of light caused him to shut his eyes tight. Abruptly, the sound and the wind dropped off. He opened his eyes and brought them into focus.

“Kyle…?”

…

Alley was milling about the house, struggling with her increasingly agitated state. Kenny had disappeared when they got home and she was beginning to wonder if he’d done something stupid. She was afraid to go looking for him, though. 

Everyone else was in the living room, occupying their own spaces. Stan was sitting closest to the girls, while Clyde and Eric remained on the other side of their large, sectional sofa. Alley had put together a tray of snacks for them and quickly brought it over and set it down on the coffee table before them. No one budged. She figured no one really had an appetite.

Suddenly, Alexis’ phone went off.

“Hello?” she answered.

Everyone sat quietly, waiting to hear who it was. They gathered it was bad as Alexis gasped and clapped her hand over her mouth. She dropped her phone to the ground and started to sob. Eric felt his stomach drop. He knew. He put his hand to his forehead as he listened to the rest of them desperately asking her what had happened. It was a false hope on their part. Eric knew it was both obvious and useless.

“He’s dead…Kyle’s dead…” she wailed out, falling into Wendy’s arms.

Clyde’s face went white as the weight of it all fell heavily upon him. This was his fault. It was all his fault.

Stan leaned in and wrapped his arms around Alexis and Wendy as he started to cry. Kyle was gone. His childhood best friend. The first person he’d ever fallen in love with. The best, kindest, smartest, most genuine person he’d ever known was gone. He pressed his forehead against the back of Alexis’ head and sobbed.

Alley felt sick. Kyle was dead. What did that mean for Kenny? Where the hell was Kenny?

“Oh no…” she whimpered as she ran up the stairs. 

It felt almost like slow motion. Eric was the only one who wasn’t sobbing or sitting catatonically; he knew something was up with Kenny, too. He stood and ran up the stairs behind Alley, gasping as he came up behind her. She was standing in the doorway of their master bathroom. There was a huge amount of blood on the floor, Kenny’s lifeless body on the ground. Eric instinctively grabbed her as she let out a horrified scream. He slammed the door shut and drug her away from the grizzly scene. 

“Don’t look at him…don’t look in there…” he insisted, holding her close as she sobbed into his chest. He was hyperventilating and in total shock. Kenny and Kyle. Both of them, gone. What the fuck was happening!?

He sat at the top of the stairs, rocking Alley and staring, wide eyed at the wall. The others realized something had happened and started to make their way up the stairs, too.

“Don’t go in there…” Eric said, shaking his head at them, “…do not.”

Stan swallowed hard as Clyde pushed past them and cracked the door, looking in. He abruptly slammed it shut and turned to face them, his face white.

“Oh my God…” was all he could manage.

“What happened? Where’s Kenny?” Stan asked, his face wet with tears.

“He’s dead!” Alley screamed out, “he’s dead!!”

Eric hushed her and rubbed the back of her head, more trying to comfort himself than her. Stan looked woozy as he sat down on the stairs.

“What the fuck is happening?” he whimpered, “I thought he couldn’t die? How did he do that with the phone if he was just out of his mind? What _is_ this???”

They all processed in their own way for several minutes before everyone had calmed down enough to try and talk. Alley remained in Eric’s arms, unwilling to lose that human contact. She didn’t want to feel the sudden state of alone she knew she was in. Today should’ve been their wedding day, not the day her fiancé died.

“Are we all going to die?” Stan asked quietly, looking up at Eric like he might have the answers.

Eric shook his head. He had no goddamn clue. All he knew was that two of his best friends were dead, one of whom he’d loved fiercely for most of his life. How could he come back from this? Even though he’d kept people at arm’s length, it hadn’t been enough. The people he’d allowed into his heart when he was a child were being picked off. The only people he’d allowed himself to really care about, and two out of three of them were gone. That thought made him want to scream because, deep down he knew, the third one was the one that mattered to him the most.

…

“Kenny? Where am I?” Kyle asked as he walked toward him.

“You’re in the light place. This is where I go when I die,” he tried to explain.

“When you die? What are you talking about…?” Kyle looked around, trying to think of what the last thing he could remember was.

“It’s a long story…” Kenny started.

Kyle’s green eyes were fixated on him as he ran through the long explanation of what had been going on. Kyle’s face whitened as it started to dawn on him.

“Oh my God…we were driving home…we were hit…shit, Kenny…am I dead?”

Kenny nodded slowly, “I think so.”

“Well…what do we do? Did you find this tunnel thing yet?”

“No. I’ve been looking around. I’m just hoping I don’t get pulled back before I find it.”

“Will I come back, too?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never seen anyone else here before,” Kenny admitted.

“Oh…” Kyle mumbled. He looked utterly defeated.

Kenny shuffled, “Come…let’s just try to find this tunnel. I don’t know how we can fix it if we don’t.”

The two of them walked around side by side, quietly at first. However, questions started to well over as Kyle thought and he had to tease the situation out.

“Kenny…if there is a way for me to take the curse from you like that guy said, I’d do it. It’s okay.”

Kenny shook his head, “No. No, Kyle. Then the people you love would just be cursed in their own way, too. Like you getting sick. Like Eric with his walls. Like Stan with his depression. It just spreads. We have to find a way to just end it.”

“But what if it can’t be stopped? And if we’re all connected, is there something that Stan or Eric can do?”

Kenny walked quietly for a minute, “I’ve thought about that. I don’t really know. I mean…obviously something significant has happened here with you and me both being dead at the same time. We’re here together, and that’s different. I’m certain it is meaningful. I don’t know about Eric and Stan. I kind of had this hope that if they worked things out and got it together they might be able to break this thing. But they’re fighting. Eric is trying to push Stan away.”

Kyle shook his head. Eric. He just couldn’t help himself.

“You know he was in love with you, right?” Kenny said, catching Kyle off guard.

“Who was?”

“Eric. That’s why he picked your side and dropped Stan so easily. I know Stan loved you, too, but Eric definitely had it worse for you. The only reason he stopped loving you was Stan. Before time reset itself Stan helped him get over you, and when time did reset that part stuck. I don’t know…I just can’t help but think that those two are the ones who can really fix this.”

Kyle let out a laugh, “What…like, love conquers all? That sounds a little corny, Kenny.”

“I know it does. But I think that’s what it is.”

Kyle shrugged, processing this new information. He’d been entirely oblivious to the whole thing. How had he not noticed that Eric had been in love with him?

Suddenly, Kenny quit walking. Kyle looked up, realizing why. There it was. The tunnel.

…

Alley had decided to lock herself in her bedroom. She’d taken a sleeping pill, knowing it was going to be a horrible night. They probably should’ve called the police to come and clean up the mess, but no one could bring themselves to do it. It would have to wait until the morning.

Everyone was afraid. They all believed in the things Kenny had said, but they couldn’t make sense of the fact that he was now dead. Would he return? Or would they all be picked off, one by one? They’d wanted to leave, but it was snowing heavily outside again, and the memory of what had happened the last time was fresh. Although they were originally going to sleep in separate places, everyone was horrified, so they’d drug a bunch of pillows and blankets into the living room. They were all huddled beneath their own blankets, quietly trying to process their crumbling situation. Eventually, as the night wore on, they fell asleep one by one, until only Eric and Stan remained. Eric was in the corner of the couch, holding his blanket up to his chin and staring quietly at nothing. Stan was on the ground, near the girls, staring at Eric. After some time, Eric sensed it and met his gaze.

Stan quietly stood up and walked over to him, whispering softly to avoid waking the others, “come out front with me.”

Eric didn’t say anything, but he got off of the couch and followed Stan out the front door. The world was muted as the snow fell down in large, wet flakes. Stan leaned up against the house and stared at Eric. Eric shifted uncomfortably beneath his gaze.

“What do you want, Stan?”

“Kiss me,” he insisted.

“Aren’t you pissed off at me?”

“I’m goddamn furious with you,” he admitted.

“Then why do you want me to kiss you?”

“Just do it.”

Eric scratched the back of his messy brown hair before sighing and shrugging.

“Okay, fine.”

He walked up to him and hovered close, taking in the sight of this person he so desperately cared for, before kissing him uncertainly. As things started to heat up and they kissed with more fervor, Stan breathed out between, “Tell me you love me.”

“Shut up, Stan,” he whispered, but there was no malice in his voice.

Stan kissed him more, pressing his hips into Eric’s, “Just say it.”

“No,” Eric insisted as he and Stan quickly undressed their lower halves. 

He lifted him up and pressed Stan’s body firmly against the wall of the house. Stan wrapped his legs around his waist and kissed him harder.

“I know you do,” he urged.

“Shut up,” Eric whispered once more, desire heavy in his voice.

They carried on this way as they fell into sex with each other once more. It was really desperate and they both couldn’t help but feel like it was the end of it all before it had really even started. As Eric urgently ravaged him, they both found themselves breathless and in tears. It was needy and intense and over quickly, both of them slumping down in the snow against the house and quietly redressing themselves. They looked up at the sky, Stan allowing a few more tears to fall down his cheeks. He sniffled and wiped them away. Eric didn’t bother to comfort him any, instead pulling his knees to his chest and resting his hands on them. It had been a really hard couple of days.

“Why can’t you just say it?” Stan asked quietly.

Eric looked down and shifted his foot around in the snow, “Because. Nothing good comes from it. People will hurt you. They’ll lie to you, or cheat on you, or die…or they just won’t love you back. There’s no sense in it. It’s better to just find comfort where you can and leave it where you don’t.”

“So…sex.”

Eric swallowed, “No…not _just_ that.”

“It feels like just that,” Stan said flatly.

“It’s not,” Eric said suddenly, grabbing Stan’s hand. His eyes were wide; he almost looked panicked.

Stan stared at him for a moment before looking down at the ground.

“I think I need more than you can give,” he said softly.

Eric stared forward, more silent tears falling down his face as well. He quickly wiped it away, looking back down at the ground, “I know.”

Stan stared at the ground for another moment before standing up and going back inside. Eric stared out at the falling snow. He couldn’t hold it in any longer. He cried; he cried harder than he ever had in his entire life. 


	13. I Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything comes to a head in the final chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to those of you who have stuck around for the end of this story. I hope you've enjoyed it. It has been one of my favorite things to write, for sure. If you have a moment to tell me what you think in the comments, I would be overjoyed. This story was definitely a labor of love for me. <3

Kenny and Kyle sat quietly inside of the whirling tunnel. It was colorful inside, and warm. They both shrugged at each other after a couple of minutes, Kenny speaking first.

“Hello…? Is anyone there?”

Nothing.

He sighed. Joe had said there would be a voice. He had said there would be someone there to tell him what to do. He let out a frustrated growl as Kyle looked him over sympathetically.

“Well…maybe this is it. Maybe we just stay here…” Kyle mused.

Suddenly, there was an odd voice around them. It was whispery and full of strange layers of sounds. It sent chills down both of their spines.

“Switch. Switch. Switch,” it repeated.

“Switch what?” Kenny demanded.

“Eric…Eric…” It responded.

“Eric?” Kyle questioned.

“Slip. Switch. Eric. Kill. Slip. Switch. Eric. Kill. Same,” it continued to repeat.

Kenny started to shiver. What the Hell did it mean? Was this the death sequence Joe had told him about? He grabbed onto Kyle and yanked hard; they both ran as fast as they could out of the tunnel and back into the light, utterly terrified.

…

Eric slept fitfully in his corner of the couch. He was having nightmares about the crash again, with everyone surviving except for Stan. Stan…he was losing Stan. He woke up several times with his heart practically pounding out of his chest. This time he’d had to clamp his hand over his mouth to keep himself from screaming. It took him a moment to calm down. He looked around, taking in the smell of fresh coffee. Stan was over in the kitchen with a cup, screwing around on his phone. He looked cute, his hair all messy from sleep. Eric swallowed hard. He had to stuff that feeling down. He didn’t want to mess around with Stan anymore; he could see he was hurting him.

Eric got off of the couch and trudged into the kitchen. Stan handed him an empty cup, but didn’t bother to really look at him. Eric figured it was for the best. He would take it if Stan needed to be cold to him. He filled up his cup, noting that his leaving the couch had started to stir some of the others. Clyde and the girls all made their way into the kitchen, gratefully grabbing cups of coffee for themselves. No one really said anything for several minutes. They all felt a little wrecked, especially Alexis. Her heart was broken. Alley was still asleep up in her room. None of them wanted to wake her; sleep was the only place she’d find any solace for a while.

“Maybe…maybe Kenny was just crazy,” Clyde suddenly said, “…I mean, I can’t really explain the thing with the phone, but…” his voice trailed off as he tried to make sense of it, “…maybe we’d all be better off to just accept it and move on.”

Eric looked around at everyone. He agreed with Clyde. This was all bat-shit nuts and they were living in some kind of fantasy if they thought there was anything they could do about their loved ones. They were already dead. You can’t save someone who’s already gone.

“The funerals will happen and then I’m going home and leaving this shit behind,” he insisted.

Alexis sniffled as some tears fell from her eyes. 

“So that’s it then? We all just…what…go back to our lives? You and Alexis go home like nothing ever happened? What about you, Clyde? What do you think your life is now? You can’t work at my dad’s farm anymore…not after everything that’s happened; and what about Alley? What are we going to do for her? We can’t just act like none of this ever happened. At least…I can’t,” Stan said angrily.

“I think we all just need to calm down. The first thing that has to happen is we need to call the police and get Kenny out of here,” Wendy asserted.

Suddenly Alexis let out a shout, “Agh! I want out of this!” she was breathing hard, spiraling into a full blown panic attack, “Take me back to Kyle’s parents…please. Please, I can’t be here anymore!” she sobbed.

“Shhhh, okay…okay…calm down,” Eric tried to comfort her. He pulled her in close as she sobbed into his chest. Stan couldn’t help but roll his eyes; _now_ he showed her some goddamn empathy.

“Take her,” Clyde took charge, “you guys…all of you go. This mess is because of the choices I made. Go home, get cleaned up. I’ll stay here with Alley and get the police here for Kenny. There’s no need for us all to be here.”

Stan looked between them all angrily. At least someone was stepping up. 

“Fine,” he spat out, folding his arms across his chest.

Eric looked a little timid as Wendy came over and put her arms around Alexis. He released her and dug his keys out of his pocket, “Okay…”

“I’ll take Alexis to Kyle’s house,” Wendy insisted.

Stan put his hand to his head, realizing he was going to be alone with Eric again. He let out a sigh and didn’t say a word as they all left, no one bothering to ask Clyde if he really wanted to handle the clean up. They made their way to their respective vehicles. Eric took off first, Wendy following closely behind. The roads were slippery again, which gave everyone tremendous anxiety.

As Eric drove he started to see a strange, visual anomaly; like a wobble. He felt his stomach lurch as he attempted to drive through it. 

“Stan…Stan, I’m sorry…” he said, suddenly.

Stan let out an irritated puff of air, staring at his hands in his lap. The car slid around a little as they rounded a corner, which made him snap his head to attention. It was okay. They were fine.

“I am. I shouldn’t have even…” Eric struggled to find the words.

“Don’t, Cartman. I don’t want to hear it. I can’t hear it, okay?”

Eric nodded, shutting his mouth. He shifted in his seat a little as the wobbling suddenly became very, very intense.

“Shit…” he mumbled as he started to hear this strange, whispering sound in his ear.

_Switch. Kill. Switch. Kill._

Stan looked toward him, realizing something was going on. He furrowed his brow at him as he noticed Cartman was hyperventilating.

“Eric…are you alright?”

“Huh…? Uh…” he squinted his eyes as the wobbling grew more intense and the voice whispered louder.

_Switch. Kill. Die. Same. Switch. Kill. Die. Same._

“Uh….ah…shit!” he shouted out as he abruptly pulled over the car and killed the engine.

His head started to pound as the wobbling and the voice grew louder. He started to scream.

“Stop! Stop!”

Stan stared at him, wide-eyed. He had no idea what he should do. He quickly leapt out of the vehicle and ran around to the driver’s side. The girls had pulled over behind them and were running over.

“What’s going on?” Wendy exclaimed.

“I don’t know…something’s wrong,” Stan responded, panic in his voice.

He pulled Eric out of the car. He was screaming and covering his ears, his body shivering violently. As Stan struggled to console him the voice grew even more intense.

_Switch. Kill. Slip. Die. Same. Switch. Kill. Slip. Die. Same._

Eric continued to scream, slamming his fists into the ground as his head ached horribly.

“Stan…you guys should get away from the road…” Wendy cautioned as she tried to help him grab onto Eric.

Alexis also tried to help, but Eric was resisting them.

“Eric…we have to get away from the road,” Alexis coaxed.

It was no use. He couldn’t hear them. They heard a vehicle in the distance as they attempted to lift him up. Stan’s heart was racing in his chest. It was icy and they weren’t especially visible as they’d just rounded a bend. He started to panic, shoving his arms under Eric’s and trying to lift him up. As he did so he suddenly lost his footing and flew backward. It felt like slow motion as they heard the sound of slammed breaks and a sickening thud. Alexis and Wendy both screamed. The wobbling and the whispering stopped. Eric quieted down.

“Oh my God…” a familiar voice rang out. It sounded like Randy Marsh.

Eric opened his eyes slowly, blinking the world back into focus. Alexis and Wendy had run up in front of Randy’s truck. Randy was stammering.

“Oh, God…I was just getting our truck from the mechanic…oh, God…oh, God, Stan…” he was crying.

Eric felt his stomach lurch as he stood up and ran over to the front of the truck. Stan was on the ground covered in blood. 

“Stan!” he screamed as he ran between the others and scooped him into his arms.

His blue eyes fluttered open. Wendy started shouting that someone needed to call 911. Eric paid no attention to whom was doing what. He stared down at Stan as tears started to stream down his face.

“Stan…oh, no…no, no, no…” he whined as he looked over his broken body.

Stan smiled weakly at him, but said nothing. It felt so quiet as Eric cradled him in his arms. He looked him in his eyes, his heart pounding as he realized it was the end.

“Stan…Stan, I love you. Oh, God…I’m so sorry. I love you, too. This is my fault…” he whimpered.

Stan stared at him, struggling to ignore the searing pain he felt all throughout his body.

“I love you, Stan…please, please don’t die. Please don’t die you goddamn hippie, I do need you…I need you so bad…we can make things work. You can come to California with me. Please, just don’t die. I love you so goddamn much…” Eric was begging and crying. It didn’t matter if he said it out loud now. He was going to lose him either way.

Stan wanted to answer him. He wanted nothing more. But as Eric cried and cradled him and confessed his love, Stan felt the life draining from his body. All he could do was smile at him before gently fluttering his eyes closed and allowing himself to go to sleep.

Eric started to scream as he realized that Stan had died, too. Alexis grabbed onto Eric and pulled him away from Stan. Randy was sobbing and grabbing onto his son, expressing his own regrets. Wendy looked absolutely stunned, backing away from the horrible situation.

“No!” Eric screamed, “this is _not_ how this shit ends! Not this time!”

He remembered the voice. He remembered Joe saying something about a sequence…a death sequence.

_Switch. Kill. Slip. Die. Same. Switch. Kill. Slip. Die. Same._

What did it mean? Switching the curse? Maybe. Slip…Stan had slipped. Die…he’d died. Same. What the hell did same mean? His mind felt like it was racing a million miles a second as he tried to make sense of it. Same. 

“Oh…shit…” he mumbled as it dawned on him, “same…same!”

Alexis looked at him quizzically as he rambled.

“I know what to do. I know! Stan died the same as Kyle…”

“What?” Alexis shouted, terrified as she realized Eric looked manic.

“Stan died the same as Kyle…now I have to die the same as Kenny…”

“Eric…no, no…stop, what’re you saying?” Alexis whined, feeling sick.

“I know what I have to do,” Eric insisted as he pulled his pocket knife out.

Alexis gasped and then let out a guttural scream as Eric suddenly slit his wrists.

“Eric! Oh my God…Eric!” she screamed.

As Eric started to fade he heard sirens approaching in the distance. It didn’t matter. They wouldn’t make it. He could tell he was going to die.

…

There was a whooshing. Time wobbled. Growling, sirens, screaming, whispers. It was as though every sound he’d ever heard throughout his entire young life were assaulting him all at once. He let out a scream himself as he felt his body hit the ground, hard. He panted, afraid to open his eyes. Instead, he touched his face and then his arms. His arms were dry; he had on long sleeves. He patted himself over again, deciding it might be okay to open his eyes. He blinked slowly as he started to realize there was music playing around him. He raised his head and looked around cautiously. He recognized this place; it was the wedding venue. He gasped as he sat up, realizing the others around him were laying down, too. They were all there; Kenny, Alley, Alexis, Kyle, Clyde, Wendy and Stan. Eric held his breath as he watched them all come to. They all sat up, one by one, looking around with confusion.

Alley started to cry immediately as she spotted Kenny. She crawled over to him and hugged him close. Clyde and Wendy were both looking around, Clyde looking especially happy to see Kyle alive.

“Oh my God…Kenny…Kenny, I thought you were dead…how are we here?” Alley gasped.

Kyle and Alexis embraced, also in tears, before kissing each other over and over as though they thought they never would be able to again. Stan sat quietly, staring at Eric. Eric swallowed hard, his stomach aching. Kenny separated from Alley, the rest of them shifting their attention to him.

“You guys…this is what happens when I come back. We came back! We’re okay…I think this is the night of the rehearsal dinner…”

Alley put her hand over her mouth, breathing out sigh of relief.

“We’re not all dead?” Clyde asked in disbelief.

“No…no…I think…I think we did it!” Kenny exclaimed.

“Well, what happened? Me and you didn’t do anything…” Kyle mused.

“It was Eric…” Stan said, catching everyone’s attention.

“Eric…?” Kyle asked.

Stan nodded, his eyes fixated on Eric. He looked uncomfortable under his gaze. Eric cleared his throat and started to explain.

“ I experienced that, uh, wobbling thing you were talking about Kenny; and I heard this voice. It kept saying “kill, die, slip, switch, same”. Stan slipped and he was hit by the same truck as Kyle. He died…and I realized he died the same as Kyle. So, I figured if I died the same as Kenny, maybe it would sever all of our connections, like Kenny said. So…I, uh, I did what Kenny did.”

“We heard that voice, too! We found the tunnel!” Kyle exclaimed.

“Yes, we did!” Kenny agreed.

“But…what about the switch part?” Wendy asked, realizing that wasn’t accounted for.

“I don’t know,” Eric admitted, “but…it seems like we’re all okay? Right?”

Stan continued to stare at him. Eric finally cleared his throat, “what are you looking at me like that for?”

Stan smiled at him genuinely, “Because…I remember what you said to me.”

Eric swallowed, “oh yeah? And what is that, Hippie?”

Stan just continued to smile at him. Eric rolled his eyes, but he wasn’t irritated at all. He crawled over to Stan and touched his face affectionately, “I meant it, Stan.”

“Say it to me again, then,” he insisted.

Eric smiled at him and shook his head, “Jesus… _you’re_ so goddamn difficult.”

Stan raised his eyebrows at him again and bit his lip, indicating he wasn’t going to budge. Eric rubbed his thumb along the side of his cheek. Fuck, he was perfect.

“I said that I love you, and I need you…and I do. I am really, really in love with you.”

He leaned in and kissed Stan passionately and everyone sort of ooh-ed at them. This time, though, neither of them cared. Stan held up his middle finger at them all as the two of them continued to kiss, all of that tension and pain dissipating. Kenny and Kyle exchanged knowing glances.

“Well…I don’t know about you guys, but I think this time we’d better stay here and have a party instead of driving out in that god forsaken snow storm!” Wendy hollered out.

Everyone kind of laughed and cheered, indicating their desire to party their hearts out; they were all just so grateful to be alive.

…

_One year later…_

The sun was setting, but the air was still pleasant and warm. The sound of the ocean waves crashing was a pretty great soundtrack to life, indeed. After Kenny and Alley had gotten married, Stan put in his two week’s notice. He broke his lease at his apartment and drove his shitty old Pontiac out California way. He’d moved in with Eric, and Kyle had gotten a place of his own with Alexis. Not too long after that, Kenny and Alley had decided to get themselves a place nearby, too. The year had been a blast, and it passed so quickly. They all had their things that kept them occupied; Stan got another EMT gig, Eric and Kyle continued with their schooling, Alexis enrolled in school herself, Kenny got a job with a local newspaper, and Alley opened up an art gallery in a ritzy downtown area. They all spent a lot of time together, and Stan and Alexis grew into best friends fast, which kind of blew Eric’s mind a little. It was funny how things played out sometimes.

He’d also heard through the grapevine that Clyde and Wendy were both doing pretty well. As it turned out, Clyde did continue to work at the farm, but he’d also decided to go back to school and earn himself a degree. He’d thought life was best spent screwing around before actually encountering death. Things had a more urgent feel to him after that. Wendy took over Stan’s band and actually went on to be somewhat successful. As it turned out, she was the real heart and soul of it anyway. At some point, she and Clyde wound up hitting it off; perhaps because they’d seen the same traumatic things together. Whatever it was, the two of them had found their way to each other and had been dating for the better part of the year. It would’ve been great if they were out in California, too, but they’d chosen to stay in South Park and brave all of the strangeness that living there entailed.

On this particular night, they’d all decided to get together for a bonfire. Eric had spread the word to everyone that it was to be a very special night, but that they’d all better keep their goddamn mouths shut about it or he’d kick their asses. They were chatting, catching up on things and getting ready to light the bonfire. It had been kind of an awkward week for Stan; even though his parents had tried to work things out all that time ago, it seemed they weren’t able to fix it. His mom had called him earlier in the week to let him know they were getting a divorce. She assured him they were still friends, but Eric could tell it was hard for Stan. 

He mostly worried about his dad. Things had really improved between the two of them, and Randy seemed entirely okay with his relationship with Eric now. Sadly, they’d found out the word switch had carried some weight back when all of that craziness had gone down. Because Randy had been involved, it appeared the curse had transferred to him. He was the switch; he took it well, though. He’d told Stan about it a few months prior, thinking he was going insane, but Stan explained it all to him. Once he realized his deaths were saving his son, he never mentioned it again. It was almost as though he were happy to have some kind of atonement for the more deranged years he’d put his family through. The good thing was, since the curse had been broken, Stan’s depression had vanished. Sure, he was sad about his parents, but it wasn’t crippling. These days, he was rather joyful, despite the instability within his family.

Tonight, however, Eric intended to give Stan some of that missing stability. He felt so nervous as they all chatted excitedly with each other around the fire. Alexis had Stan laughing about something; Eric had no clue what. He’d been unable to focus on anything outside of the small, circular object inside of his pocket. He cleared his throat, getting the attention of his friends. They all made knowing faces as they quieted down. Stan looked a little confused, glancing over at Eric.

“Stan,” he began, clearing his throat again, “uh…this last year has been…well, it started out pretty crazy, but this last year has been one of the best years of my life.”

Stan eyed him, not sure what was going on. Eric walked over and had himself a seat beside him in the sand. He reached out and touched his face, smiling warmly at him.

“Jesus…I wanted to, like, give a big speech or something, but I don’t really know what to say.”

He pulled the ring out of his pocket, causing Stan to smile wide.

“Oh, shit…are you proposing to me?” he laughed.

“Yes…yes, I am. Marry me, Hippie,” he insisted, sliding the plain gold ring onto Stan’s finger.

Stan continued to grin as he wrapped his arms around Eric’s neck, kissing him sweetly before answering, “I will definitely marry you, Eric Cartman.”

Everyone let out little whoops and claps as Alexis busted out some sparkling cider. There would be no alcohol to celebrate on this night; just the company of a few good friends who were more grateful than most to see another day.

THE END.

**Author's Note:**

> Summary of Bittersweet Bundle of Misery: Kenny meets a mysterious coworker named Joe who takes his curse of death away from him. Stan falls in love with Kyle in their younger years and Kyle ends their friendship, never bothering to address what was happening between them. Eric was head over heels in love with Kyle, so the two of them went out to California for college together; Eric never told him, though, and Kyle got very sick with cancer and died before he could. In the aftermath, he and Stan found love and healing together, quickly falling into a relationship. In the meantime, Kenny learns that when he'd had his curse taken away those deaths had to go somewhere, which was the ultimate cause of Kyle's death. After this, Eric comes down very sick and winds up in the hospital. Kenny decides to take desperate measures to fix the situation, and he and Joe wind up shooting each other at the exact same time, killing one another. This caused time to reset, but no one could remember what happened aside from Kenny. He realized that none of their situations would ever change: Kyle would always get sick, Eric would never fall in love, Stan would never find hope, and Kenny would always die.
> 
> This story begins one year after time has reset :)


End file.
